Love Magic Madness
by 91RedRoses
Summary: With a little help from the fey, England has made life very exciting for the North American Twins. Now watch as they try to break the spell and protect their vital regions from all the other insane Nations!
1. Puck's Prologue

Prologue: In Which We Find that Titania and Hungary are Too Much Alike

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, A Midsummer Night's Dream, or any of the characters. The basic plot belongs to Ashynarr's. She is allowing me to adopt this bunny and is even being my beta. Thanks friend!

~~~~~~~~~ON WITH THE SHOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

None of what was to come in the upcoming months was supposed to happen.

The turbulent events that would come to be known simply as "That Time," started all because of three things: one, a series of regular and unimportant incidences; two, a very bored fairy (myself, the ever-charming Puck); and three, a horny Queen of Fairies.

However, some countries that were a little less charitable about That Time could be quoted as saying that the whole mess was England's fault. And maybe it was. In my humble opinion it does not matter what caused all of the chaos, just that for awhile it was greatly entertaining. And really my dear audience, I think you will agree with this beloved Puck. After all, what may have caused great chaos and strife among the humans and Nations is always great fun for us of the Fey.

So, please enjoy my tale. This humble Puck promises that you will be very entertained…

Our story must start with how That Time all began for that is just as humorous as the rest that will follow.

Now as many of you know, our dear friend Arthur Kirkland, aka the Nation of England, has a somewhat complicated relationship with a former charge of his.

As you also know, these complicated feelings especially come out when he is intoxicated.

It was a warm May night when England had decided to get completely drunk. That is normal and would not cause alarm normally; the problem came that earlier our dear friend had tried to summon up a demon to curse France (in this humble Puck's opinion the two really need to get over themselves and have sex already—their fighting/flirting is getting dull.) but had managed to summon Russia instead. Then Russia refused to leave.

This lead to our dear friend having a drinking buddy that night and that "buddy" was the first step to delightful disaster. Because when darling Arthur gets pissed, he gets chatty about his past and his feelings towards his old charge, Alfred F. Jones avatar of the United States of America.

Normally this meant Arthur would talk to nobody and nothing would come of this. However, Russia hangs out with that General Winter fellow (who has no sense of humor, I will forever maintain that my little mischief that one night was funny!) and has a most warped sense of fun. He seems to delight, my dear fey friends, from chaos and destruction and humiliation of others. He really must have some of our blood in his veins.

But I digress. The point is that instead of wallowing alone, England had someone with him to, as the humans say, "push his buttons."

"That stupid wanker! All I wanted was a (hic) sweet little brother and then he had to get… to get taller than me and go… and go… and leave me. It's not fair," whined and wailed Arthur.

"Yes, America does tend to do things to hurt others. Whether it is intentional or not remains to be seen," stated Russia calmly to the intoxicated English Nation.

"If there was only some way (hic) to get him to be… sweet and (hic) cute again…"

"Well, you have magic, don't you? Why not use some of it to make America love you again?"

"That is a great (hic) idea, chap! But, wait… isn't that… oh what is the word… unet- unethical?"

"Why? America has hurt you and I think it would make a much better world if he listened and loved you again. Then he wouldn't act so stupid at meetings." Russia didn't actually believe this but it was funny to play with the Brit's head and would make for an interesting next World Meeting if _America_ of all Nations started to act all lovestruck with England.

"You know, you know what…? You are, you are so right and smart (hic) and (hic) a good friend. Rus- I mean Ivan (hic) you don't mind if I call you Ivan right? I am going right (hic) now and I am going to going to (hic) do it. And you are a great (hic) friend." At this proclamation our dear, drunk Brit stumbled out of the pub towards his home.

Now, as we all know, Arthur has some magic talent but he can never aim it properly. So when he got home and stumbled downstairs where he kept his magic gear, mistake number two of the night happened. It is understandable really. He had a lot of magic books, how was he supposed to grab the right one when he couldn't even touch his nose?

So he grabbed the _special magic book_. The red, old book that doesn't even have writing on the cover anymore because of its advanced age and is written in the old tongue, you know which one I mean. He grabbed that one and flipped to love spells, found the most powerful one and began the ritual. (Our dear friend loses common sense when he has crawled inside the bottle.)

This is when this humble Puck _may_ have stepped in.

But really, England shouldn't have left his spell before he was done. Even drunk he should remember that such action basically invites outside forces to meddle and prod and generally have great fun at his expense. And he wonders why most of his magic never turns out right. He never finishes his spells! I WAS PRACTICALLY INVITED TO HAVE MY FUN AND I WILL NOT BUDGE FROM THAT POSITION!

I didn't even do that much, just added some extra ingredients to the spell and maybe a bit extra magical power. Now I am sure that you are wondering what spell our friend used. In due time my fey friends. I don't want to spoil anything yet. After I had done my bit I was just about to leave when our beautiful and powerful Queen Tatiana arrived with much fanfare. Immediately I went to my knees in front of our most wonderful (and easily offended and fickle) Queen.

"How may this small Puck be of service to Her great, grand, and most beautiful Majesty?"

"Oh stop it Puck. I am in no mood for your games." She turned her head and wandered around the basement where the spell was still cooking (I hadn't closed off the spell to finish it yet). "I see that England has decided to fiddle with love magic? And he is only including America? Oh, that will never do. Especially with how I see you have changed the intent and purpose of the spell Puck."

"My lady, I apologize if I offend… it was only a jest."

"No I am tired of waiting."

"Waiting?"

"The North American Twins have not yet lost their chastity and I am sick of waiting for them to have sexy fun times with other handsome male Nations!"

"…What?" I must confess that at this point even I was confused at what the grand lady meant.

"I find human males attractive, Puck. But male Nations are beyond words. And I find that the female Nation of Hungary has the right approach. As you know, Oberon will never allow me to take a Nation to bed—to messy and political, he says. Hmph! He is just jealous of their good looks—so I must content myself with watching the Nations copulate among themselves. However, the beautiful blond twins have remained frustratingly remote! I want to see them messed up, naked, sweaty, and writhing underneath some other sexy and equally naked, sweaty Nation! Do you understand?"

"… Yes?"

She glared.

"I mean, of course. It should be simple to add Canada—that is his Nation's name correct?—to the spell and have it set in effect for the next month—"

"Not good enough. I want the spell to begin at the next World Meeting when all the countries are there. Canada will arrive first and America will be late. When both nations are seen, the spell will take effect and the twins will not be able to escape from at least one of the other Nations' clutches. And then finally I will get my hot blonde twin sexy times!"

"I see Your Highness. It shall be done."

"Good."

And that, my fey friends, is how That Time began. It really wasn't England's fault. It was really our beautiful and sexually frustrated Queen's fault. But as I have said before, none of that matters because of the phenomenal pandemonium that will bring a smile to my face and a song to my heart for many a year to come. And now this humble Puck hopes you will enjoy his story.

End of Prologue

I hope you all like. And thank you Ashynarr again for letting me adopt this bunny and for being my beta. I hope to do you proud. Please read and review.

Love,

91REDROSES


	2. In Which America and Canada Find Trouble

Chapter 1: In Which America and Canada Find Out That They Are In Trouble

Disclaimer: I do not own… I never will… So sad… So lonely without hunky Nations…

Canada heaved a huge sigh as his brother finished ordering the last part of his coffee at the local Starbucks. Why did he have to be pulled along? He could have been early to the World Meeting. He could have been making deals to better his country. He could have been talking to Katy or Juan or Francis or any of his other friends. He could have been combing Nanuq and getting his coat all nice and shiny. He could have been organizing his sock drawer. HE COULD HAVE BEEN DOING LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE EXCEPT STANDING IN LINE AT STARBUCKS WITH HIS BROTHER TO GET COFFEE! Ugh.

"Alright Mattie, we can head to the meeting now. You okay? You look a little red…" Alfred, aka the great US of A, looked at his brother with concern. That shade of red couldn't be healthy.

"I'm fine Al, let's go. We're already going to be late because of your need for Starbucks."

"Hey! I'm a hero, and being a hero requires lots of energy! I'm sure the others will appreciate my energy at the meeting. It gets _so_ boring otherwise." Great. Now Alfred was pouting. At this rate they might as well not go to the meeting. Which might be what Alfred was trying to accomplish in the first place…

"Oh, just come on…"

Finally they had made it. Traffic was even worse in New York than usual and the twin Nations were running forty-five minutes late. As the twins strode towards the door, Matthew couldn't help but feel anxious, almost as if doom was coming towards them. He shrugged off the feeling.

"_Of course I feel approaching doom. The other Nations are going to be so pissed at us and I'll have to sit and listen while they lecture us on 'Proper Nation Decorum' for the 3,768__th__ time because Al caused us to be late,"_ he though miserably as the twins proceeded to push open the wide, wooden doors.

"The hero is here, never fear, and look! We were only a little bit late so no need to lecture us, right?" Alfred yelled to the gathered Nations as the North American Twins arrived at 8:45am.

8:45 am, the time that would go down in history as the start of That Time.

Alfred continued with his—somewhat frantic—appeal, "I just had to stop by Starbucks and then traffic was absolute _murder_ and so in a way it wasn't really our fault. So we don't need a twenty minute lecture from anyone, 'k?"

But there was no response.

And that is what caught Matthew's attention. There was always noise, always a response to whatever came out of his rambunctious twin's mouth. Arthur would yell in that tone of voice that fishermen's wives and Mother Hens had perfected to better scold the poor victim of their ire. China would sigh and start making loud noises about how "The youth of today have no respect for their elders." Germany's blood pressure would skyrocket to dangerous levels and you could _hear_ it boiling like water from a tea kettle.

But there was nothing. There was silence as the other Nations just looked at the twins. And looked at them. Matthew saw the looks and that is when his worries about the lack of noise reached terror. He _knew _those looks. France got that look when another Nation was intoxicated and couldn't properly fight him off. Prussia got that look when he saw a "vital region" that was unclaimed. Matthew grabbed his oblivious brother's arm, and began to try and pull his brother towards the door, towards safety, towards somewhere _not here_.

"Al, we need to leave. NOW."

Alfred looked confused as he turned towards his brother, "What's the matter Mattie?" Alfred turned back to look at the silent, _staring_ Nations. "Are they that angry?"

"I don't think it's anger Al… Look, I'm calling a Code Bear-Rabbit _right now_."

That shocked his twin. But, as according to the Code, Al nodded and got a better grip on his brother.

"So on three, then?"

"One…"

"THREE!" And with that Alfred turned his superhuman abilities to his legs and arms as he grabbed his brother into his arms and ran out the door.

The action was enough to finally stir the other Nations and the sound of scrapping chairs flooded the rooms and halls as all the other Nations made a mad dash after the twins.

Alfred got to his car, threw his brother in, and was pulling out of the garage just as the Italy twins made it down the stairs into the garage.

"Damn! I forgot how fast Feli and Lovino can run when they want to!" Al shouted as he sped his car through the New York City traffic.

An hour later found the twins out of the city, having lost all the other Nations in the busy streets, and driving east and finally buckling their seat belts. Alfred turned to his twin for answers.

"What happened back there, Mattie? What made you call out Code Bear-Rabbit?"

Mathew gulped and stated in as calm a voice as he could manage, "Al, remember the Christmas party last year when Arthur and Switzerland got very drunk and were on that table stripping and dancing?"

Alfred laughed, "Of course I remember! The blackmail from that is still getting me Swiss chocolates."

"Well, remember how Francis acted?"

"Yeah! He was even worse than usual. He acted like a complete animal and tried to drag both of them with him…" Alfred stopped and paled. "Is that… where they… did they want to… They were looking at us like _that_ and we just _stood there?_"

At that, Alfred twisted the wheel to head south-west instead of east. The abruptness of the movement had Matthew swearing quietly as Alfred pulled out his cell phone.

"Could you warn a guy next time? And who are you calling? You know studies show it's dangerous to talk on a phone and drive at the same time."

"Sorry Mattie, but I'm going to call my boss, and then we're going into hiding. We should probably head to one of our secret cabins in the west. We'll hold out there until it's safe." Just as Alfred finished talking his phone rang.

"Hello?"

"_Alfred, could you explain why Michelle was just sexually assaulted by the Iranian diplomat during very important talks?"_

Alfred winced at the calm, angry tone in his boss's voice. "I don't know boss, but it may be related to the Nations. When Mattie and I got to the meeting today, they all looked like they wanted to rape us. No joke! I don't know why and neither does Mattie but we're heading to a safe house for now."

There was a pause. _"When did the Nations go crazy?"_

"8:45am," Matthew said as he made Alfred put the phone on speaker.

"_Hello Matthew. Yes, that's the time the diplomat went from calm and reasonable to jumping across the table and trying to kiss Michelle. Alfred, don't head to one of your cabins. I want you to head to the NORAD base in Colorado instead, #3667 to be exact. Myself, Michelle, Joe, and both of our families are already en route. You both can use Alfred's private jet if you want. Matthew, I don't know what you want to do, but if you do come with Alfred let Harper know. We don't need the Canadian government thinking we kidnapped you again on top of this mess."_

Alfred pouted, "Oh come on! It was a surprise party and Mattie had a really good time!"

Mathew snickered, "Yeah, but President Obama has a point Al. You don't want me to beat your ass like in 1812 again do you?"

Just as Alfred was to respond to that—totally not cool—accusation of character and martial strength, Matthew's phone rang. He picked it up and put it on speaker.

"Hey boss, what's happening?"

"_What's happening? What's happening? The entire royal family except for the Queen just went insane and we've had to physically restrain them! What the hell is going on Matthew?"_

"_Hey, Stephen it's Barack; we had something similar happen here in DC. No one knows what's happening but I have to ask, at what time did the royals go insane?"_

"_Ah, 8:45 maybe? Somewhere around that time, sorry, I wasn't looking at a clock."_

"_That is what I was afraid of. That is the same time that the Iranian diplomat went insane and tried to kiss Michelle and when Alfred and Matthew got to the World Meeting where all the other Nations looked like they, and I quote Alfred, 'wanted to rape' them. It could be related."_

Alfred cut in, "Yeah but how?"

Matthew sighed for the thousandth time that day. "I guess we'll figure that out when we meet up at NORAD base #3667."

"_Yeah, Stephen? I think it would be best if you evacuated the Canadian government to NORAD base #4782. That's closer to the Canadian border than #3667 and if this looks as bad as it seems we're going to need to be able to protect both of our government officials and coordinate potential martial events. That will be easiest from #4782."_

"_Dear God, Barack, do you think it's going to come to that."_

"_I don't know Stephen, but we need to be prepared if the world has gone as crazy as it seems to."_

Both twins gulped as they looked at each other in terror. Neither wanted to fight against their friends and families! But… with everyone acting crazy they probably had no choice.

Al breathed out slowly as his eyes became hard with determination. "Fuck, I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does there are a couple of things I need to get from my Virginia cabin before Mattie and I join you. We'll see you guys as soon as we can, 'kay?"

The two leaders agreed and told the Nations to be careful. As Alfred hung up the phone, there was silence in the car as the twins thought about what might be coming. Matthew looked at his brother.

"Well, Al, the world may have gone to hell in a hand-basket but at least we have each other."

Alfred smiled gratefully and returned the sentiment. As long as the twins had the other, there was nothing that could not be beaten.

Not even all the crazy Nations in the world.

WOW. This is all for you guys. All the love and support from both Ashynarr and my reviewers and people who have made an alert or favorite of this story got me to pump out another chapter.

Now one reviewer asked for a Canada/Spain or Canada/Romano pairing to feature in this story. I think that can be done. If anyone has a pairing they would like to see I can most likely accommodate you, but there are two things you need to know.

One, the twins are most likely not going to end up being together permanently with your pairing pick. All the Nations are under a spell and want to rape the twins. That is not a healthy way to start a relationship for either party. So most likely no permanent pairings unless it is AMECAN, but that would be me telling you the ending, wouldn't it?

Two, there will not be any rape. First because I have never wrote a lemon of any level before and secondly because I am making Canada and America really strong (as you will see) in this story and it would be awkward to work in. It would also be really bad for international politics once everything is over and though Titania doesn't care about consequences (she just wants twin sexy fun times), I do.

That is all for now. Keep reviewing. It makes me write more and faster.

Love,

91REDROSES


	3. In Which Mexico Gets A Bride

Chapter 2: In Which Mexico Takes a Bride and the Twins Get an Ally

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. This is a boring disclaimer but it is true that I own nothing.

And

Here

We

Go

~1~2~3~4~5~6~7~8~9~0!

Alejandro Fernandez, representation of the great country of Mexico, grinned as he snuck into the Virginian cabin. He was lucky that he still remembered the spells of his _madre_; the locator spell was able to give him what state his love was in and from there he could high-tail it to the cabin to surprise his beloved. As he climbed through the window he made sure to be extra careful with the bag he was carrying; it did, after all, have all the special items he needed to finally secure his beautiful America.

"_No! He will not be just America, soon he will be Alfred."_ Alejandro sighed in happiness. For many years the Mexican had tried—incredibly unsuccessfully—to woo his Northern neighbor. Sometimes he felt like giving up, but his good friend Natalya always encouraged his efforts. Together they had a secret club, the "Marry My Man At All Costs" or MMMAAC, for short. But when Mexico had seen his beloved today, and then seen how all the other countries where staring at him… GAH! Just thinking about still made the Nation's blood boil.

He knew he had no choice.

He would wed his beloved and protect him from all of those other rotten, vile, despicable sons of whores. Together he and Alfred would be happy for ever after.

(Part of Alejandro was puzzled by his sudden increase in aggression. The Nation was normally very laid back and had always wanted Alfred to come to love him without any coercion. But that part was small and overtaken by the _need, the ache, and the near pain of want_ that filled his entire core for his Alfred.)

As he found his perfect hiding spot and settled in for his wait, he entertained himself with visions of his future with his Alfred. Ah! They would be so happy together…

~this~is~a~break~in~the~action~this~is~a~break~in~the~action~this~is~a~break~in~the~action~~

Alfred pulled up at a stately Virginian cabin. It was one of his oldest ones and had a regal Southern charm to it. Actually, calling it a "cabin" wasn't giving the place justice. It was a small mansion and beautifully crafted for the Nation by his government and was one of his favorite homes out of all fifty.

Unlike many Nations across the globe, the size of their countries required them to have more than a couple of homes scattered in a couple places; and unlike China and Russia, the twins were true Federations and needed to have a home in each state or province to best be with their people. So, when the other Nations found out about how many homes the twins had, there was usually grumblings of condemnations of waste and extravagance. The twins just rolled their eyes when they heard the stupidity. They knew the truth and didn't care what other Nations said.

Mattie's voice broke Alfred's musings. "Hey, what did you need to get here that was so important?"

"Just my survival gear, some emergency rations, and I am going to send out a message to Nanabozho."

"Nanabozho? You really think this… thing needs us to call in our spirits?"

"I don't know Mattie but let's be serious for a second." At this Alfred turned towards his brother and looked him in the eyes. "Not only have _all_ the Nations gone insane, their people have too, and it all happened it at the same time. The only thing I think it could be is magic. And if it's magic, we are gonna need to fight fire with fire."

Matthew nodded. It was rare for Alfred to be this serious about something. His Southern twin was by nature—and nurture—a happy and easy-going Nation. He didn't like to be serious, especially since all the other Nations seemed to walk around with sticks up their asses on a good day.

"Alright, but let's not stay here for too long. The other Nations are still in the country and I don't want them to sneak up on us."

"Relax! They have no way of finding us. We're totally safe."

As Alfred was soon going to find out, the fey and the fates love to prove such statements wrong.

~another~break~in~the~action~another~break~in~the~action~another~break~in~the~action

As Alfred was upstairs gathering his items and sending his message to the spirit world, Matthew guarded the downstairs, keeping an eye for any enemy Nations (and he chuckled to himself without any mirth, for aren't all the Nations enemies? God, what a screwed up mess this was).

There didn't appear to be anyone coming and Matthew started to allow himself to relax. Al had a good point, there was no way for any of the other Nations to know where the twins had gone and the country was too massive to try and sense them out.

Just then, Matthew's battle-hardened instincts started to scream at him. There was someone else in the house. Matthew pulled out his hockey stick (yes, clichéd, but when Matthew went into battle he preferred having a weapon that felt comfortable in his hand and he didn't want to use an axe… the blood stains would be a pain to get out of his clothes. The hockey stick allows for versatility and if he didn't want blood, he didn't have to have blood) and prepared to meet the enemy.

Like the trained warrior he was, Matthew's steps were light and his back was to the wall allowing him to see all potential dangers. As he turned the corner, he had forgotten that his brother had a hole in the wall from an intense 4th of July party a couple summers back that had yet to be fixed. This minor detail, this tiny fact, is what allowed the unknown assailant to grab hold of Matthew.

Matthew screamed in terror as he was dragged into the darkness.

~oh~my~godness~another~break~stay~tuned~

Alfred heard the scream and turned to run down the stairs dropping all his gear. "Mattie! Hang on I'm coming!" Alfred didn't have time to grab any of his weapons, but he was glad that he'd managed to send off his plea for help to Nanabozho. Anyway it didn't matter if Alfred was unarmed… the superpower was a weapon all on his own and he wasn't going to let _anyone_ hurt his brother, curse or no curse!

Just as he finished running down the stairs, he was tackled from the right. The world spun as Alfred and the attacker tumbled. But the young Nation wasn't a superpower for nothing. Using the momentum he pushed his attacker off him. In the adrenaline rush, he didn't even feel the prick to his neck. He faced his opponent. And stopped and gaped.

"What the hell? Mexico? What the fuck are you doing here? How did you get in? How did you even find us?" Each question was shot out like a bullet from an Uzi.

"Now, now Alfred is that any way to speak to someone who loves you and wants to protect you from those other raping bastards that call themselves Nations?" Mexico quietly chided his confused beloved. _"Just like Alfred,"_ he thought_ "always has to be so dramatic. It's the Hollywood in him I suppose. Britain says that India has gotten more dramatic ever since Bollywood really started chugging out movies."_ It didn't matter to Alejandro. Hell, all Latinos had some spitfire in them; it just made things more enjoyable in bed. At that pleasant thought, Mexico nearly got distracted by some NC-17 rated daydreams, but that was when Amer—no Alfred, Alejandro reminded himself, after all we're going to be married soon—started to speak again.

"Look, Mexi—"

"Call me Alejandro."

"_Mexico_, I don't know what crazy thing about marriage you've got cooking in that brain of yours but now is not the time. All the Nations are acting strangely to say the very least and I know I heard Mattie scream earlier." It was at this point that Alfred's normally sunny sky-blue eyes turned as cold as the most frozen ice. "Where is he and what have you done to him?"

"I don't know where your brother is Alfred, and none of that is going to matter in a few more seconds."

Alfred eyed the other Nation carefully. "And why is that?"

"Because by now the drug should have finished circulating through your veins and you are going to be taking a little nap while I get us out of here and to safety. Then we can finally have that wedding I have been planning for us!"

Alfred paled, "Drug? What drug? You're lying, when would you have had a chance to give it to me?"

"When we were tumbling earlier, goodnight Alfred."

And just as America went to answer he noticed that his hand wouldn't move. And that the world was starting to go dark around the edges of his eyes. And that his legs were weakening. All in all, he could feel his body start to shut down under the drug's influence. His last thoughts were, _"Well, fuck me. I'm going to be a goddamned damsel in distress."_

~break~in~the~action~break~in~the~action~don't~you~hate~me

"Matthew, stop squirming! The awesome Me is not going to hurt you!"

The accent and unnecessary use of the word "awesome" clued Matthew in as to the identity of his kidnapper.

"Gilbert? What are you doing here? And what are your intentions?"

"'Intentions?' Really, Matthew? You are sounding as girly as Specs. Kesesese! I am here to help you and your brother from all the other Nations. They're all acting totally unawesome, right now."

Matthew let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Before tensing again, it could be a trap. Why would Gilbert be immune to the insanity of the rest of the Nations?

"How do I know I can trust you?"

"Look, I am going to be honest with you." The albino turned the Canadian to face him. Gilbert had a very intense and serious look to him, like someone had just insulted beer in front of him.

"I feel the need to jump you and your brother like you have no idea. Even being near you is torturous. It's like all my thoughts want to center around how good it would be just to push you down and claim your vital regions… no it's more like an ache. Like I'm a starving and thirsty man and you're a full course meal at an oasis made of beer. Part of me feels like I'll go insane if I don't have you. But I'm able to fight it for some reason. Maybe its cause I have land in both of your countries and that keeps me grounded to reality. You and your brother need another ally, Birdie. You two are kick-ass. I know, I helped train Alfred and I saw you in action during Vimy Ridge. But not even the two of you can fight off _every Nation in the whole world_ and that's what looks like will be happening."

Matthew was startled. It wasn't like Gilbert to be that serious about anything except beer, but then again, this wasn't a normal situation. And he was right; the twins were going to need more than just themselves.

"Alright. I'll trust you for now, but I want it clear from the beginning that if it ever looks like you can't control yourself anymore, Al and I are splitting from you. Fair?"

"Deal. No hard feelings."

That's when something alarming occurred to Matthew. He had screamed. Loudly. But his brother was not here yet to help and there was no way he could have missed Matthew's scream. Dread pooled in Matthew's stomach.

"Gilbert, where's Al?"

Gilbert looked confused for only a second before realization set in. "Alfred!"

The pair raced to the front of the house where they saw Mexico putting America into the backseat of America's car. The other Nation saw them, jumped in the front and sped off.

Gilbert cursed and spat at the ground. "Great! Now we have to go and rescue your brother! Damn it! Where does he keep his car keys, cause I know he has more than one car around here." While the former Prussian Empire searched the doorway for an extra set of keys, Matthew stood absolutely still.

"Ah-ha! Found them! Lucky your brother keeps all his keys in easy to find places near the door." It was at this point that he noticed Matthew's unnatural stillness. "Hey Birdie, don't worry we'll get your brother back no problem," the Prussian proclaimed loudly.

It was at that point that Matthew finally responded. He turned, looked Gilbert right in that eye and asked in a quiet, disbelieving voice, "Gil, was Al wearing a _wedding dress_ when Mexico took him?"

~break~in~the~action~break~in~the~action

Mexico considered beating his head against the wheel in frustration as he sped south down the deserted highway. Why did he have to dawdle? He should have gotten out of there immediately! Still…

Mexico looked in the rearview mirror to his beautiful, sleeping prize and sighed in contentment. Alfred really looked lovely in his wedding dress. Mexico had managed to covertly gather Alfred's measurements to make the dress himself over a series of years and it had paid off. The white lace fabric clung and hung on his beautiful bride like a dream. The white color looked nice against his tan skin and was a wonderful way to proclaim Alfred's virginity. The only thing that put off the picture was the military-grade chains and wire wrapped around his arms and legs. But Mexico was one of the few Nations that never forgot how strong his beloved was and had to take precautions against his bride getting cold feet before the wedding. As Mexico examined his bride, said bride began to wake up.

And when said bride woke up and found himself in chains, wires, _and a motherfucking wedding dress_ the bride was not blushing in happiness but in anger.

Angry blue met warm brown. "Alejandro, you have five seconds to pull over and unchain me… and… oh my God, did you also change my UNDERWEAR!"

"Boxers did not look good under that dress, my dove. The panties I had fit much better."

Alfred could only gape in horror as his mind tried to comprehend the sheer audacity—the sheer balls—that such an act of humiliation would take.

"You are dead Alejandro. There will not even be enough of your body to burn when I am through with you." This most frightening part of that little speech was the tone. It was matter of fact, a statement. What had been said would come to pass and there was nothing to be done about that.

"Now, dove I know you're probably a little upset and confused right now—'

"_A little upset and confused?"_

"—but you will see that nothing is wrong! We are going to be very happy together." It was at this statement that Mexico pulled the car over to the side. He unbuckled and shimmied into the back with his bound beloved.

Alfred's brain started sending warning bells. "What are you doing Alejandro?" He used Mexico's human name in hopes of calming down the insane Nation. Because Mexico was obviously insane if he thought he could get away with this. "You are a good Catholic Nation and you know it's a sin to have premarital sex." Alfred was really hoping that an appeal to Mexico's religion would stop the crazed Nation. The Nation was a good Catholic and had often told America (when he was trying to be subtle) that he would never have sex before marriage. Apparently whatever was causing the glazed look of insanity in his brown eyes was overriding the Nation's strong religious beliefs.

"Oh, Alfred. We'll be married soon enough." Mexico was whispering at this point and his face was getting closer to America's. America was lying on the back seat of his car bound by chains and wires, but that didn't stop him from trying to wiggle away. "I am positive that our Lord God will forgive us a little… earliness." And with that statement the Nation pounced.

Only to be hit in the head with a hockey stick. Alfred let out a huge sigh of relief. There was good ole Mattie… and Prussia?

"Mattie, thanks for saving my skin and all, but why is Gil with you?"

Matthew quickly explained as he untied his brother. "So Gil the Awesome is strong enough to withstand the curse? That is fantastic! Come and give me a hug." Gilbert quickly did as he was told.

A minute went by.

Two minutes.

Four minutes.

Five.

"Uh, Gil? You can let me go now. And you can remove your hands from my ass. It's not going anywhere." Gilbert let go as Matthew "helped" by pulling the reluctant Prussian away from Alfred.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I am fighting the curse but it's not always easy."

"Whatever. Let's get out of here before Mexico wakes up. Mattie did you grab me some clothes?"

Matthew looked blankly at his brother. "Al, we were more concerned with getting you back. We didn't have time to grab clothes for you."

"WHAT? But Mattie! I am wearing a wedding dress and women's underwear. I need new clothes!"

Gilbert looked at him and drooled a little bit. "You are wearing women's underwear?"

"Mexico changed them while I was unconscious, okay? It's not like I _like_ to wear women's underwear and stuff!"

"Whatever, you say Al. We need to leave and get to the airport for your private jet. Let's go."

"Wait! We have to go back to the cabin! I need new clothes!"

"Al, we can't, the place could be crawling with Nations by now."

"But… I'm going to being seeing both of our bosses and their families! And the Queen! I can't do that in a wedding dress with women's underwear!"

"Birdie's right Al. We need to head to the jet. You are just going to have to deal with the indignity. I'm sure the base has clothes you can change into."

As Alfred was manhandled into the car and driven to the airport in his wedding finery, he sulked and mumbled, "Stupid Gilbert and Matthew. Perverts the both of them. They only want to see me in a damn wedding dress."

~that~is~the~end~of~this~chapter~

The

End

For

Now.

Author's note: Three chapters. Three days. I am about ready to collapse. As much as your continued love keeps me going, don't keep expecting this. This beast was long and the only reason I have been able to plug out as much as I have is because the very early part of this fic was already written in my head for awhile. After the next chapter things are going to slow down as I create more of the story.

But I do love all the good reviews I am getting, it makes me happy to know that my story is making other people happy. And I have been getting a lot of suggestions for pairings. They will show up to the best of my abilities. But people who bribe me with cyber-cookies will get more luck seeing their pairing.

Just saying, bribery is not always a bad thing…

Much Love,

91REDROSES


	4. In Which the Queen Questions America

Chapter 3: In Which the Queen Questions America's Hobbies

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING! LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!

HERE WE

GO

~1~2~3~4~5~6~7~8~9~10~~GO!

"No Alfred, we need to start the meeting immediately and that's final! Once you land you WILL head to the main meeting room so we can start. No detours, no excuses, just get yourself and your brother here." Barack Obama closed his cell with a final click and sighed.

He looked up and sent an apologetic looks to the other members at the round table. Of all the times for Alfred to be stubborn it had to be when he was surrounded by one: the Prime Minister of Canada and his cabinet; two: Joe, Hillary, and the rest of his cabinet; and three: the Queen of England, Canada, and the Commonwealth. Oh yes, just the impression of his country that he wanted to present with all these heads of government and state around: a petulant child.

"Alfred and Matthew are landing and heading up here right now. I'm truly sorry for Alfred's stubbornness, I promise you that he can behave and that he will be on his best behavior once he gets here." Hopefully that apology would be enough to make up for Alfred's strangeness. Perhaps the madness was getting to him too?

Queen Elizabeth II merely nodded her head towards the President and spoke in a calm, measured tone, "Do not worry so much Mr. Obama, England has his times when he'll behave like a small child as well. That is the thing with Nations, they _are not human_. No matter how much they can seem to be human, they will have their moments of strangeness."

She spoke with the confidence of someone who had known Nations all her life and, Barack mused, she had, hadn't she? She wasn't elected on a five or four year basis and clued in. She had known her Nation since her birth and had met other Nations since then. Barack chuckled to himself. _Well, it's good to have a resident professional on the subject of Nations with me for once. Lord knows I still haven't figured out America yet._

Just as he thought that footsteps were heard coming down the hall. Barack let out another sigh of relief as the doors opened. He was glad that his Nation was finally here, both so that everyone could start the meeting and make sense of what was happening and because it meant that Alfred was safe. As much as a pain in the as— neck Alfred could be, he was still _America_ and he couldn't help but love the blonde, hyperactive Nation.

(Hillary told him that was normal one time when he was complaining about it. She'd smiled gently and said that he wouldn't be President if he didn't already love America with all his heart. So why was it so strange that he would love his country's physical and cultural representation, the very essence of America in human form?)

So it was with a small, indulgent smile that graced all father's faces when they were about to confront their rambunctious, too energetic, loud and so _deeply loved_ child that Barack turned to greet his Nation and Canada.

And then he saw what his Nation was wearing.

~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION!

"So that is why I'm wearing a wedding dress. I don't want be wearing one and if you'd let me change before I came in here we wouldn't have been wasting time with this explanation." And with that Alfred sat back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest. The look on his face was an interesting combination of embarrassment, aggravation, and a sort of smugness that came from the fact that he felt justified to the minor scolding tone in his speech. Barack tried to desperately rub away the growing headache as he could practically feel the "I told you so. If you'd just let me do what I'd wanted to, we wouldn't be having this mess."

Barack wondered if it was possible for divine intervention to open a hole under his chair and swallow him whole. Let Joe deal with headache.

_At least,_ Barack thought almost hysterically, _it can't get any more embarrassing or worse._

Barack Obama meet Murphy; Murphy this is Barack Obama. You two should get to know each other.

"KESESESESEE! You still haven't told them about the pretty white g-string you're wearing, Allie!"

Barack wanted to cry, he really did. There was his other headache. The Twins had already explained that Prussia was the only Nation to be unaffected by the madness due to some strange loophole dealing with Prussia having some land in the two countries. The same reason that the Queen was unaffected when the rest of the royal family had—in Harper's words spoken quietly out of hearing range of the Queen—gone batshit insane.

But why Prussia? One of the most obnoxious Nations that Barack had ever met and the earlier comment proved that he brought as much chaos as he tried to prevent. Why couldn't it have been Finland, or Lithuania, or Liechtenstein, or any other the other reasonable and sane Nations?

"Guys, stop fighting!" exclaimed Canada. He was sitting in between the two Nations and was trying to rein in the peace.

The Queen took that as her cue to speak again. Again in calm tones that were meant to soothe and command at the same time, she spoke. "Matthew is quite right. America, no one here cares what sort of strange hobbies you carry on with in your past-time but now is the time to focus and figure out what is wrong with the world. We must remember that the world is in a state of bedlam and that is where our priorities should lie."

Again Barack wanted to cry as Alfred made a squawking sound of protest. _Great, wonderful! The QUEEN OF ENGLAND thinks my Nation has deviant sexual past-times. Ha ha! Won't this be a lovely topic to talk about in the future when we are trying to get economic deals and policies finished? 'Oh, remember that time when America decided to show off his wedding dress and his women's underwear?'_ What had he done to deserve this?

Finally some deity decided to take pity on Barack and the meeting finally got under way.

~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION

Stephen Harper began. "Alright there are a few things we need to discuss: one, figuring out what's going on; two, how can we stop or fix it; three, what are the impacts of this; four, how do we protect our citizens abroad; and five, do we need to prepare for war."

"Mr. Prime Minister, I can give you some information on parts three and four." Hillary Clinton said as she shuffled some papers around. Once they had been organized, she spoke, "Alright, if you can turn towards the monitors, I can show you some information we've been receiving from both our embassies and the Canadian ones." She paused for a second to send a nod of thanks to Peter Mackay, Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs and Domestic Defense.

"At first glance things seem to be positive for both our countries, there has been an upsurge of positive American and Canadian feelings and there have been large groups of foreign nationals wanting gathering outside of our embassies both to proclaim their love of our countries and to try and emigrate to the US or Canada."

Harper frowned, "What's the problem then? More positive feelings can't hurt us."

Clinton shook her head, "I said only at first glance. We've had our people conducting interviews with the foreign nationals and the people have been… Well one of the embassy officials described as zombie-like. They have a blank look in their eyes and keep repeating how beautiful America and Canada are and the people have been trying to touch the embassy workers at any chance. Nothing sexual yet, we checked, but it's… disturbing." Looks were thrown around the room and everyone tried to contain how much the information sent shivers down their spines. Nothing bad had happened, yet. But that "yet" was the operative and frightening word.

"It is only going to get worse." Everyone turned to hear where the strangely high-pitched voice was coming from. "This is a terrible thing to have been done and the spirit responsible will be punished." Everyone stared in shock; the voice was coming from Canada's stuffed bear!

Well everyone, that is, except for the twins and Prussia. Matthew, not perturbed in the least by his _talking toy bear_, asked, "What do you mean by that, Nanuq?"

Now that got Prussia's attention. "Wait, I thought his name was Kuma-something. And the awesome me is never wrong so you must be wrong!"

That is when Alfred spoke up, "No Gil. Mattie only calls him Kumajirou around other Nations to hid his true identity, like a superhero. Mattie's bear is actually Nanuq, King of the Bears and a very powerful animal spirit. We know that some of the other Nations are powerful magic users and the name Nanuq would clue them in to how magically powerful we are. So we lie about his name."

Gilbert looked shocked and pleased. "So you are spreading misinformation in case the other Nations are you enemies you have a secret weapon. I… (sniff) I am so proud of you both. You really took my awesome levels of battle to heart. You levels of awesome almost reach mine!"

Matthew looked irritated. "Gilbert the only one of us you ever taught was Alfred. Lying about Nanuq's identity was all my idea that I came up with by myself."

But Prussia wasn't listening. He was too busy crying manly tears of AWESOMENESS about "how awesome it was that his awesome was rubbing around off on the people around him!" Matthew gave up.

Obama was still looking confused, "Wait so Canada has a bear animal spirit? Do you have anything like that America?"

Alfred nodded, "Yeah! My spirit is so great! His name is Manabozho and he is the King of all the—"

"You called?" Alfred and everyone else jerked around towards the new voice.

"Nanabozho! You came! I've missed you so much!" America jumped up and squeeze hugged what appeared to be… a tiny, white bunny.

Obama's head once again met the table. And while everyone else seemed too shocked to speak, Biden had no such problem. "So… Canada has the King of Bears and we have the King of Adorable Bunnies. And Alfred wears dresses. Now it's all making sense…"

Alfred stuck his tongue out the Vice President. The adorable bunny in question was also concerned with what his former charge was wearing. The rabbit spirit cleared his throat, "Uh Alfred, you know I love you and will always be proud of you—but I've got to know, why you are wearing a wedding dress?"

The living personification of all that was red, white, and blue, and stars and stripes, turned an interesting color of purple-red. "It was NOT my choice to wear this dress! It was forced on my while I was unconscious! Why won't you people get that?"

"Alfred, let it go. Manabozho. It is good to see you again. I am glad that you are back from the astral plane." The voice from the Bear King had changed during the commotion from high and squeaky to deep and thunderous. But that wasn't the only thing that had changed. The bear was no longer small enough to be confused for a stuff toy, he was now sitting at a massive ten feet from tail to head and was terrifying to look at. There was no longer any lingering doubt that the creature was the King of All Bears.

Prussia spoke up, "Wait, I just heard Al call the bunny 'Nanabozho,' so why did the bear call him 'Manabozho?'"

A foot came out of nowhere to hit Prussia right in the face. The force of the kick sent the albino Nation spiraling into a bookcase holding a huge amount of files. The bookcase and all its contents then proceeded to tip over and fall on top of the Prussian.

The twins clapped and in unison proclaimed, "Your score is ten out of ten for that kick, Nanabozho!" The rabbit spirit just dusted off his paws and looked smug. All the humans in the room looked terrified and quickly came to the realization that they _NEVER_ wanted to piss off that bun—Rabbit King.

The Rabbit King spoke with a regal and displeased tone, "One, I am _not_ a 'bunny'; you shall never refer to me as a 'bunny'. Two, the reason Alfred and Matthew can call me Nanabozho and everyone will call me Manabozho is because the former is a very familiar name that only my closest loved ones may call me, like the twins and my grandmother. Got it punk?"

Strange how this speech came out of the mouth of a tiny, furry plump rabbit and managed to be frightening at the same time.

"Now to get back to business, I came from the astral plane because I got Alfred's message, and I know what's causing all the madness," the rabbit informed as his little, adorable nose twitched.

"WHAT?" Everyone shouted at the same time.

"Well, technically England, but it was mostly done on the orders of the Queen." A new third voice said this. Obama and Harper were both starting to wonder how these new people… spirits… whatever were getting in to the base.

The new speaker was a tall, skinny male with shoulder-length red hair and changing eye colors. No truly, you would blink and the man's eyes would change from green to purple and then to a different color after you blinked another time. He was dressed in a relaxed manner of jeans and a—oddly enough—Green Day shirt. Oh, and he was floating a good three feet above the ground.

"Who are you? The guardian spirit of Prussia?" Obama exclaimed. _Really,_ he thought, _this is getting ridiculous. Are we going to have to start getting security help from Hogwarts?_ Something else rang through his mind. "And what did you mean by this being the Queen's fault?"

"No! My name is Puck and I am but a simple fey who wanders the lands looking to do this and that for my meager entertainment. And by the Queen's fault, I mean it was she that ordered the spell be made that is currently causing all this fun." Puck was grinning as he said it.

Harper turned to the Queen in shock. "Your Majesty…you _ordered_ this insanity?"

Puck laughed. "No, not that mortal Queen! The fey Queen, the Queen Titania of the Fey!"

Harper had about had it. He had dealt with the royals going insane, America showing up in a wedding dress because of a foiled kidnapping plot, Canada and America having bizarre and terrifying spirit animals, Puck, and now the knowledge that the QUEEN OF THE FAIRIES had supposedly ordered all this mess! He lost his temper and shouted at the floating fey, "WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD THE QUEEN OF HOSER FAIRIES GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT CANADA AND AMERICA?" As he gasped for breath he realized what he said and quickly made apologies to the Queen Mum. She just serenely waved him off.

"Well, he has a point. So tell us Puck why Queen Titania would order this mess?" Again Obama was sure that he and everyone else marveled at how calm the Queen Mum could remain. It was like watching a glacier move. Strong, silent, and always surging steadily forward.

Puck sighed in despair before perking up. "Well, the truth is the Queen wishes to see America and Canada… oh what is the mortal term here… ah yes, 'fuck like goats' with the other Nations while she watches."

Horror and Silence reigned over the room in stately garb as the humans and Nations felt the need to pick their jaws up off the floor.

Canada opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, closed it and repeated this action several more times before finally saying, "The saying is 'fuck like bunnies' not goats."

Puck pouted. "Damn, I thought I had it…"

Nanuq growled at the fey, _"How dare you! How dare you and your whorish Queen cast such a spell on MY CUBS! You will both rue the day you first breathed life when I am through with you."_

Puck was unimpressed. "Honestly it was not _my_ intention, but no one says no to Titania. Except Oberon but he has gambled on the outcome of this little… event already so he is not going to stop her. I would recommend that instead of baring you teeth at me, Bear, you instead sheath them and tell your 'cubs' the three ways to break the enchantment."

Like an opening serve in a tennis match, all the heads snapped to Nanuq to see if he would return the ball. 'There were ways to break this curse?' their eyes shouted in question.

Nanuq sighed, "Yes there are three ways: One, the twins collect a series of magical items located in other countries and take them down to Antarctica in twenty-eight days time. Two, Titania can lift the curse…" Nanuq glared at Puck.

A hard shot to the middle of the court in the tennis game, all the heads shot to Puck.

Puck continued to grin and float about like a deranged Peter Pan. "Not going to happen, she wants to see—and I quote—hot blonde twin sexy times. Nothing can deter her from that goal."

A beautiful backhand back to Nanuq, you could hear the cracks in necks from turning too fast.

Nanuq didn't say a word. The ball was missed. Point and match to Puck.

Puck's grin had stretched beyond Russia's usual grin. The Twins did not like what that grin was telling them. "What the Bear King refuses to say is Option Number Three: the both of you just lie down and spread your legs to the first Nations you see. That will end this enchantment very quickly. No muss, no fuss…"

All the leaders looked around, the President sighed. He looked at America and Canada with a sad, grim look. "Guys, I don't want to say this, but… option three… do you really think you could gather the ingredients in twenty-eight days without getting caught?"

Harper jumped in, "Why twenty-eight days? Why would it have to be within that time frame?"

Manabozho answered the P.M. "That is how this spell works. If it is not broken one way or the other before a lunar month passes, it becomes unbreakable. The Twins would never be more than objects of lust for the Nations ever again." America believed he could hear the lightening crash in the background at the ominous statement.

Obama nodded and turned to the Twins, "Guys… I don't know what to tell you. At least we are sure of option three…"

"Absolutely Not!" Again heads shot to look at the speaker. This time it was the Queen. "Mr. President, you don't understand the consequences of those actions. Whichever Nation bedded Canada and America… you would have to declare war on that Nation immediately."

Everyone was puzzled. Biden spoke up, "Why?"

The Queen sighed. "You don't understand all that comes with Nations. Copulation isn't the same for them as it is for us and neither is rape. Our Nations are living embodiments of _everything_ our countries are; they are a condensed essence of America or Canada or England. That is why we as citizens can't help but love them on an unconscious level; we recognize that they are our home.

"So when one Nation has certain physical relations with another Nation it must always be consensual. If it is not, then the rapist is stealing some essence from the victim. After that the victim is always subservient to the rapist. Like a conquered country, that is why so often back in the early days Nations like Rome were hated. Rome was well-known for raping his conquered Nations to completely defeat them.

"The only way for the victim Nation not to be forever considered a slave to the rapist Nation is for the victim Nation to defeat the rapist in war." The Queen paused for breath and physical calmed herself. Obviously the topic was very upsetting to her and hard for her to say.

"That is why under no circumstances America or Canada can have physical relations with the other Nations. Due to the nature of this spell there is always a Nation that is being raped, and that means war at the end of this. Something we all want to avoid if possible."

Clinton looked at her Nation. "America, Alfred is this true?"

Alfred nodded, eyes hard and face grim. Then he cheered up and put his hands on his hips (which were very nicely accented by the wedding dress he was still wearing), "Mattie, we've got no choice! We're going on an epic quest! As the Hero I'll naturally lead and you can be my sidekick with Gil."

Everyone turned to look at the still overturned bookcase and the unmoving figure underneath it.

"Well, he'll be my other sidekick once he's over his concussion."

Matthew just smiled and replied, "Okay Al, you can be the Hero and Leader… if you continue to wear that wedding dress."

Alfred pouted and started to mutter about creepy pervert twin brothers raised by France as Matthew laughed.

Barack Obama looked between the petulant—but with twinkling eyes that smiled—and laughing twins and then over at the bookcase with the unmoving albino. Somehow the three would have to gather unknown magical items from enemy territories scattered all across the globe in under twenty-eight days with all the other Nations chasing after them. It looked like a completely hopeless, suicide mission. He again looked at America and Canada.

He smiled.

Since it was these two, he was able to hope in the hopeless. Everything would be alright.

Prussia sprang up from the wreckage and staggered towards the twins before groping them both on the ass and shouting, "I want beer!" And then collapsing again.

Scratch that, they were all doomed.

~THE~END~THE~END~THE~END~THE~END~THE~END

For Now

Author's note: Holy smokes. There you have it folks. Why there will be no rape in the fic, just a lot of molestation and daring rescues/escape attempts. Should be fun times for all.

Now I would like to respond to my reviewers who do not have an account or whatever when they left a review so I can't just email them back. First I would like to say thank you to everybody for reviewing. Please read this if you are someone who has reviewed me without being signed in to FF and so I couldn't send you a reply. And EVERBODY NEEDS TO READ THE PART AFTER THE THANKING, I AM DOING A CONTEST AND YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT!

-Shadowmask3263: I am glad you like the reason for Prussia to be unaffected by the curse (even if he is still a little bit affected). I am sorry that I scared you about the pairing choice you asked for, but as you saw it was no biggie. I am sorry that Canada couldn't have any admirers in this chapter but I had already planned it in advance and it is needed to keep the plot moving. But as you can see we will be heading to other countries now and there will be some Canuck-lovers out there! Thank you for the cookies, they were very yummy.

-K: I really like both Denmark and Australia with America so that can be something that is done. No sweat. And I do believe we will have some twin-love as the Twins pull every trick in the book to get out of tight spaces.

-Anon: Well the first lady didn't get to see Al in his wedding dress, but perhaps I can make a little side story later of her seeing him in as he goes to change after the meeting for you? But the Queen got to see it and that was fun. Just like with K, there will be some twin-fun coming, I promise! Also, thanks for the huge amount of cyber-cookies, how did you know chocolate chip was my favorite? And the chibis were adorable!

-The White Rabbit: Sorry that you couldn't laugh out loud or people who just don't get our Prussia levels of awesome would look at you strangely. I will do my best to keep the quality of this story as high as possible if you promise to keep reading and reviewing!

-GHNM: I like my North Americans geographically correct as well. People just underestimate his ninja skills and always make him bottom. So sad, and he is such a VERY BIG NATION (hint, hint, wink, wink, say no more).

-ASDFGHJKL: Yes the Nordics will be showing up to grab some twin, although part of that may be a little sad afterwards since I will reflect on the strains that this will cause Finland and Sweden's relationship. But the Nordics will get their fame.

One last thing to write then I will go soak my poor aching body in the bathtub. Just like Canada has a magical power (invisibility is his power, I am claiming that it's something intentional that he can turn off and on and use for spying!), so does America. But he never uses it because he thinks it is really embarrassing: what is his magical power? The first THREE people to guess correctly will receive a voucher for any favor they like. If they want me to write something I will or if they want to see a certain pairing go all the way, I will do that in a little AU fic off to the side. So good-luck guessing, but to help I will give you one hint: it is something the Disney Princesses can do.

Much Love!

91REDROSES


	5. In Which Prussia Mourns His Birthday

Chapter 4: In Which Prussia Mourns the Fact that He Was Born on the Cusp

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

Finally (am I right?) Here is the next chapter…

~~~~~~~~~~SO~PLEASE~ENJOY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay… so all we have to do is steal seven magical items from around the world in twenty-eight… wait, no twenty-seven days now, while every other country in the world is trying to sex us up, and we can't let them do that. And all we've got on our side is a plane, a magical bag with some non-lethal magical stuff in it—cause killing the other Nations is a no-no—and Prussia."

Both twins took that moment to look over at the albino Nation who they had been forced to restrain because being in the tiny cockpit with both twins had proven too much and the ex-Nation had gone temporarily bonkers with lust. Forcing the twins to knock him out and tie him up.

Unfortunately, in the rush to get him restrained, Al _may_have_… possibly… could_have_… perhaps…_there is a_small, remote chance_that_…__he__ maybe_ used a little too much force in restraining Gil (not that he was admitting to anything, just that in the millions of random occurrences that happen in this world and in the parallel universes that he knew existed—no matter what the non-believers say—it was possible). If that totally unlikely thing was true, it had nothing to do with Gilbert's continued teasing about the "Wedding Dress Debacle" as they were now calling that event. None.

Anyway, however it happened, Gilbert was a little… out of it.

"Yes Gilbird, I can see the flying bunnies and turtles. They are all in such shiny pretty colors. Like yogurt. I like yogurt my flying friend, don't you? No, not you flying bunnies and turtles, I was talking to Gilbird. Not that you guys are bad." The albino was both singing and mumbling all his sentences now.

Matthew glared at his Southern twin. Alfred didn't see what was so wrong, Gilbert was improving! He was no longer talking about pirates _and_ he had stop yodeling. Alfred bet that in another thirty or forty minutes, Gil would be normal and no longer talking to imaginary creatures like England!

Matthew looked between his idiot brother and Gilbert as he contained to sing-mumble to his imaginary friends. He was screwed. And most likely literally.

Matthew Williams squared his shoulders. He wouldn't go down without a fight.

"All right, we decided that our first hit is going to be Japan's _Yata no Kagami_. He was one of the Nations we knew would take longer to get back to his country because of the delay in flights caused by our governments to give us a little head start. This'll give us a better chance of getting in and out with the mirror without unnecessary drama." No one would ever say that the North American twins weren't resourceful, prepared, and well-informed of every problem and contingency!

"That's cool and all Mattie, but… what are we stealing again?" Alfred said with his blank look.

…Well, one of the twins anyway.

Sigh. "We're getting Amaterasu's mirror. You remember, from Japan's old legend? The one about how the sun goddess, Amaterasu, got pissed or something and hid in a cave? All the other gods got together and tricked her into coming out by saying that there was a new sun goddess that was prettier than her, and when she peaked her head out she saw her reflection in this mirror the other gods had propped up? Is any of this ringing a bell or where you sleeping during Nanabozho's and Nanuq's instructions on how to stop the curse?"

Alfred looked indignant, "I had my eyes open the whole time! You can ask anyone who was there!"

Mattie gave his twin a flat look, "… Al, I know you can sleep with your eyes open. Whatever, we're about to land and we need to go over the plan. You get the job of waking up Gil while I grab a snack from the mini-fridge."

"WHAT? Why do I have to do that?"

Alfred uses POUT on the enemy Matthew!

Matthew continues to give his twin a flat stare. "Because no matter how much you deny it, it's your fault that he's like that. So YOU get to fix him."

Alfred's POUT is ineffective on enemy Matthew! Matthew uses EVIL LOOK! IT IS HIGHLY EFFECTIVE! Alfred faints. Matthew gains 154 experience points and goes to level 78!

Alfred, thoroughly cowed, begins to shake up Gilbert as his twin goes to get food. _I never get any luck!_

~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The plane landed in a deserted area of the Japanese wilderness. The plane itself wasn't very big, but its small size and quickness were assets in this mission. Al also managed to get Tony to help the twins a little by getting a cloaking device for it. The alien's tech would keep anyone from finding the plane who didn't already know where it was - another must have for their mission. Stealth was the key, and a giant plane just landing willy-nilly in different countries was not very stealthy.

Alfred, Gilbert, and Matthew hopped out of the plane and started looking around the area to find the storage area that Al swore was nearby.

Gilbert groaned, his head still hurting a little bit from its earlier beating. "Why are we looking for this place again? Can't we just grab the shit and run? Or, better yet, have a huge awesome fight, beat the baddies like a drum, and then take the shit and run?"

Alfred and Matthew both sent the albino annoyed looks. They looked at each other. Matthew raised his left eyebrow. Alfred countered with a downturn of his mouth on the right side by a millimeter. Matthew tilted his head to right and down. Alfred scrunched his nose. Matthew lifted his other brow. Alfred sighed and conceded defeat; he never could beat Mattie at the game of silent pestering.

Alfred turned to face Gilbert who looked more amused than annoyed at the twins' silent communication.

"We don't want to cause a fuss. Causing a huge fight in a sacred shrine in Japan is in the category of a 'fuss.' That's why we are going to split up. Mattie will grab the mirror while you and I create a distraction elsewhere. And before you ask," Alfred held up his hand and Gilbert closed his mouth which had been open to ask another question, "that distraction is why we need this storage shed. It has things in it that will cause chaos but (a) can't be traced back to us and (b) will give Mattie plenty of time to get the mirror and get out of the shrine."

"Hey, Al! I think I found it!" Matthew shouted from a short distance away.

Alfred smiled, "Sweet! Let's have some fun!"

In front of the three stood an old, broken down wooden shed. Matthew looked at it with a skeptical eye. He turned to his twin, "Al, are you sure that this is has the stuff in it?"

Alfred just continued to smile. "Of course, after World War 2 when I was helping Japan rebuild, he showed me this shed. As a kind of peace offering, you know? It has a bunch of stuff from his culture that he has collected over the years but doesn't have the room for in his home in the city. I'm not exactly sure of what we'll find, but we will find stuff that will help us!" With that final, proud proclamation, Alfred opened the door…

… and was immediately grabbed by what appeared to be _a fucking tentacle(!)_ and dragged inside.

Matthew and Gilbert just stared in horror for a minute before rushing in after Alfred.

Matthew was enraged. He couldn't believe that his brother had managed to get kidnapped by something else in less than forty-eight hours since the Wedding Dress Debacle. His brother was getting such a lecture once he was safe again. But just as Matthew was grabbing his hockey stick and Gilbert was getting his sword ready, they heard laughter. They turned the corner in the dark shed to find Alfred sitting happily on the… octopus… creature… tentacle monster… whatever's lap and giving the _thing_ a hug. Alfred saw the bewildered looks on his fellow Nations and took pity.

"Guys, this is Tim, or at least that's what I named him back in the 60's when Kiku introduced us. He didn't have a name before that, can you believe it? Apparently, Kiku never got around to naming him. He's one of Kiku's original tentacle creatures and a friend of mine, so don't worry about it."

Matthew blinked. He looked at his brother. He looked at the creature. Looked back at his brother.

Sighed.

First it was learning how to speak whale and making friends with all whale-kind. Then it was an alien named Tony that has a huge crush on America, land of the free. Now it was a _tentacle creature from Japan_. Couldn't his brother have any normal friends? Like a talking polar bear or an adorable, semi-immortal little bird like Francis or Gilbert had? What's next, Godzilla?

"OH MY GOD! ZILLY! You're still here? I missed you so much!" Alfred untangled himself from the tentacle creature dubbed Tim, and launched himself into a hug with a nine-foot green dinosaur/dragon.

…Of course. And there's the special sort of headache that comes strictly with dealing with Alfred's "special" brand of Alfred-ness. He had missed the ache, what with the other Nations going crazy, finding out that the reason behind the crazy was because a fairy queen was a horny pervert that would make Hungary look like a prude, and missing his pancake breakfast this morning, he hadn't had the time to simply dwell on all the special little oddities that his twin brought into his life.

"Alfred, this is great. But I don't think either of your… friends will be willing to help us create a distraction that we need." Or, at least Matthew hoped that was true.

Alfred frowned at that statement and looked at the two creatures. Godzilla made a sort of growl-roar and Tim kind of, made a cross between a squelching and slurping sound. It sent shivers down Canada's spine, but he took the noises as good noises.

_Please let them refuse,_ he thought feverishly, _I really don't want to deal with Godzilla and Tim!_

Alfred continued to frown and talk quietly to the two creatures. Matthew felt his hopes rise, he saw the light at the end of a tunnel, and he heard an angel chorus. Maybe things would finally work out his way?

Alfred turned around with a grin. "They're totally in! They were complaining how bored they were stuck in this shed and can't wait to get out and have some fun!"

Matthew felt his world crack and crash. Again, he should have known. He felt like crying. Then he realized something and his hopes raised again. "They'll be with you then? As a distraction and not with me?"

"Uh, duh! Once Zilly gets out of this shed, he's gonna grow to be like, sixty feet tall. That would make it hard for you to sneak into the shrine." Alfred shook his head and sent a pitying, tired look at Matthew.

It was really a burden to have such an oblivious twin sometimes. Matthew was lucky to have Alfred to keep him from getting into trouble and saving him when he was in trouble. He would never make it on his own!

"Enough talk! Let's search this shed and find what else can help us!" Prussia took charge. While the whole thing with Zilly and Tim had been funny for a while, Prussia's military training took over and demanded that they get back on subject.

As the twins scurried to look for different things to help them, the proud old Nation just shook his head. It was lucky for the twins that they had the Awesome Prussia looking after them. They would be hopeless without his awesome guidance!

~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, we're boned." This was announced with a commanding flair by the resident albino.

Matthew tried to calm down the albino, but he was also feeling a little bitter and annoyed. They had been searching for hours, and what had they found to help them other then Tim and Zilly?

Parts (Parts, mind you! Not the whole, just parts!) of a power rangers costume.

A butterfly mask.

One of the Sailor Moon uniforms. Not even Sailor Moon's costume, one of her sidekicks.

Twenty female robots that were: (a) robot maids, (b) robot school girls, or (c) robot cat girls. (This selection had been the kicker for Matthew and he just _knew_ that at the next World Meeting he would somehow be sat next to Japan and would have to make small talk all while thinking, _Why? Why do you have such weird fetishes? WHAT ELSE ARE YOU HIDING BEHIND THAT POLITE MASK OF YOURS?_)

Alfred snorted at the looks of failure on his companions faces. _Oh, ye of little faith_, he thought while shaking his head at the non-believers.

"Look guys, don't worry. Everything is going to be great and this is all the stuff we need to cause havoc to distract Japan's people." Alfred smiled his famous "America's Ultimate Hero Smile ™" to get them to calm down. "What we're going to do is split up the stuff. Between the two costumes and the butterfly mask, Prussia and I can hide our identities while Canada won't need a costume since he is going to be sneaking into the Ise Shrine anyway. And we can use the armies of hot girl robots and Tim and Zilly to help with the chaos." Alfred decided to use their formal, country names to show how totally cereal he was being.

Gilbert was, sadly, not moved or impressed. "And just how are we going to 'split up the stuff,' genius?"

(Alfred was secretly glad that someone was FINALLY realizing how brilliant he was.)

"Simple, I'll wear the power ranger's helmet and gloves and scarf over a pair of jeans and white shirt and take the eastern part of Honshu and you can have the robots and the Sailor Uranus costume and the butterfly mask and take the western part." Alfred was sometimes frightened by how much of a genius he was at times.

"What the fuck? Why do I have to get the shitty stuff?" Matthew was quietly amazed at the color Gilbert's skin could turn, it almost looked like a cross between puce and pink.

Alfred rolled his eyes, "Because Gil, Zilly and Tim are awesome but they really trust me the most so obviously the robots should go with you."

Gilbert's face was now changing to a purple-red mixture and Matthew swore he could see steam coming from his ears. "Not the robots, dumb ass, I'm talking about me WEARING THE GODDAMN SAILOR MOON OUTFIT!"

Alfred again rolled his eyes and gave Gilbert a flat look. "Look Gil, we all have to make sacrifices here. Notice that when I talked about my disguise I didn't mention my totally sweet bomber jacket. That's because it would make it too obvious that the power ranger is me. We all have to make sacrifices here. It is pretty selfish of you not to do the same. Also, for the record it is a Sailor _Uranus_ costume not Sailor Moon. That means it works better with your birthday, not my birthday."

At this point Matthew had to physically hold the irate albino back from attacking his brother.

"Not wearing that stupid jacket is not a sacrifice, and I don't give a fuck whose damn costume it is! It is a blue mini-skirt with a fucking bow on the ass, a fucking _bright yellow bow_ on the chest that looks even bigger than the one on the ass, AND fucking _high-heeled boots just to make sure that I look like the dumbest thing to ever walk on the face of this planet!_ I refuse to wear such an abomination! It is an affront to everything that the Great and Awesome Nation of Prussia stands for! And what the hell do you mean by it working better with my birthday?"

Matthew sighed, why did he have to deal with the idiots. "Alright, first off, Gil, I hate to say this but Al is right… it does work better with your birthday."

Gilbert stared at Matthew with his best "what-the-fuck" face that happened to have an uncanny similarity to his "just-got-hit-in-the-face-with-a-fish" face.

"What does my birthday have to do with anything?"

"Your birthday is January 18th, right?" Canada asked.

"…yeah…" Prussia still looked confused.

"That means you are born on the cusp between Capricorn and Aquarius. Uranus is the ruling planet of Aquarius and thus it is more of your costume than Al's whose birthday is on July 4th which makes him a Cancer with the ruling "planet" being the Moon. So a Sailor Uranus costume is better for you just like a Sailor Moon costume would be better for Al." This had all been said in Canada's best no-nonsense tone.

"?" Prussia was beyond words at the twins' "logic." He struggled to speak again, "Why does that mean I've got to wear the damn mini-skirt? Just because your star sign means one thing doesn't mean I've got to cross-dress."

Alfred looked angry at all the unnecessary arguing about his terrific idea. "Because I had to wear a stupid wedding dress not even two days ago, I'm not going to wear a mini-skirt so soon after."

Matthew tried again to keep peace. "Why don't you play best of three in rock-paper-scissors? The loser has to wear the Sailor Uranus costume because he's the less awesome one."

Egos at the ready, both Nations agreed, both confident that their personal awesomeness would win the day. There had never been a more serious game of rock-paper-scissors played in time immemorial.

First game: Winner, Alfred. He threw paper against Prussia's rock.

Second game: Winner, Gilbert. He threw out another rock which beat America's scissors.

It was the last game and everything had come down to this. Both players stared down the opponent. Sweat slipped down Gilbert's face. Alfred licked his dry lips.

They chanted in unison, "Rock… paper… scissors... SHOOT!"

Alfred threw out a rock, Gilbert threw out scissors.

Alfred screamed and whooped in happiness while he danced and jumped up and down in a victory dance. Gilbert crumbled to his knees and let loose a low keen and wail as heartbreaking as the wail of a mother holding her dead child's body. They both managed to somehow do this in slow motion with background music of "We Are the Champions" playing faintly.

Matthew wondered if it maybe would just be better to leave his twin tied up naked somewhere and drop off Prussia somewhere in the Sahara desert while he got the necessary ingredients to break the spell by himself.

~~~~~~~~END~OF~THE~CHAPTER~STAY~TUNED~FOR~MORE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: Okay, this is the first part of the twin's trip to Japan. At first this and Chapter 5 (which should be coming out soon) were one huge chapter. But then I talked with my awesome beta, Ashy, and she advised me that this was cool as it is.

Also, good job to everyone who guessed correctly on Alfred's special power. Which is pretty much everyone… I guess I made the clue to easy. Well, whatever, it will be coming in later in the story for some fun times.

Now to thank and answer my anonymous/not signed into reviewers:

Shadowmask3263: Yes, it was intentionally casual because for the twins having magic and stuff is just how they roll. And, yes, Alfred can see _some_ of England's magical friends, not all but some. He even knows that magic works, but he pretends not to for two reasons (in my headcanon): (a) because he likes trolling England, and (b) it makes the other countries think he has no magical abilities so if he ever needs to use his magical abilities he will have the element of surprise. Don't worry, no disrespect taken. I'm glad that you like my explanation for no rape and that you loved the chapter.

Mofalle: I am glad that you are liking my chapters and how my characterization of different people. On the Queen Mum, I read an article about how she is always this incredibly chill person and takes everything in stride (I'm guessing that dealing with England in his punk phase gave her more than enough patience for other Nations). Also, don't worry about Bill re-educating America about knocking first… Alfred learned that way back (although he did learn that you can have other definitions for the word "it"). As to Al's power, your wish will be granted later when he has to use his power. I'm happy that you love so much of my story, and I hope that you continue to like what I do. Also to answer your question from your "Chapter 3" review, yes Mexico did change his shoes to high-heels as well. He had been planning this wedding for awhile and no detail was too small to be missed.

Much Love for you all! Please read and review! I hope you liked this Chapter!

91REDROSES


	6. In Which We All Appreciate Benny Hill

Chapter 5: In Which We Take a Page from Benny Hill

Disclaimer: NOT MINE! LEAVE ME BE LAWYERS! (Circling lawyers frown and leave)

This chapter is dedicated to one of my most loyal and sweet reviewers, ficfan3484. This reviewer has been feeling under the weather, so I hope this chapter makes you feel better!

Here is the next half of fun times in Japan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HERE~WE~GO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matthew looked through his binoculars at the chaos, havoc, and anarchy that his twin and Prussia had already been able to make in the scant ten minutes since they had descended on the poor city of Honshu like a plague. Alfred was over near a fountain as he continued to give Tim and Zilly instructions on how much to destroy without going overboard while he fought off the police. Matthew turned his binoculars to the right next. Gilbert had struck a pose as the sexy robots overturned cars and broke store windows. Perfect.

Matthew placed his binoculars back in his bag and made his way over to the shrine. His plan to get inside the shrine was simple: he would sneak through the sacred park area that was south of the shrine to get to the south wall of the shrine complex. Once he had scaled the wall he would sneak through the _itagaki_ and head to the area where the treasures were kept. Then grab the mirror and high-tail it out as quick as possible.

The trick was sneaking. The mirror was one of the Imperial Relics of Japan so it was heavily guarded by monks and other security forces. Matthew had no doubt that if push came to shove he could defeat the guards, but he honestly didn't want to hurt any of the humans that worked there. Matthew was not only a Nation (which already made him five times stronger and gave him more battle-experience than a human) but he was also one of the North American twins. For the most part other Nations remembered that America was super-strong, even for their kind, but for some reason none of them ever thought to ask if the same was true for his quiet, Northern twin. The answer was yes. So, Matthew needed his inner William Stephenson to win the day.

What follows could only be described as a dance. Canada bobbed and weaved past guards. Canada spun and slid past monks. Canada twirled, jumped, ducked, dodged, and swept past the cameras, pressure sensitive floors, and lasers. It would have been a magnificent sight and a great slap in the face of Japanese security that a man could literally dance past them…

If he hadn't been invisible the entire time.

_Honestly_, he thought when he got to the end and stood in front of the mirror, _it probably would have been smarter to just walk. Then I wouldn't have been sweaty and panting. Ah! Well, it's always good to keep in shape._

Canada turned to look at the priceless artifact in front of him. It didn't really look like what you expected a mirror to look like - it looked more like a shield, to be honest. It was perfectly circular with three concentric rings; the other ring was obsidian with designs carved in it, the middle ring was a grayer color with what looked like ridges cut in the mirror, and the inner circle had an eight-prong star with a black, shiny stone in the very middle. It was pretty, but Matthew wasn't sure how you would see your reflection in it.

Didn't matter, it was going to help him break this curse and set his friends back to their sane—well less insane states of normalcy. He quickly disabled the security protecting the mirror and used his strength to break the mirror's container. He gingerly reached in and carefully, oh so carefully, picked up the _Yata no Kagami_.

"You shouldn't take that."

"GAAAHHHHHH!" Matthew screamed and, in surprise, tossed the mirror in the air. His eyes caught the action of it falling to the ground—where it would surely shatter, because that would be his luck—in slow motion. However, a white hand stopped its descent and demise.

Canada turned towards a woman, the speaker that had caused him to nearly shatter his and his brother's only hope of getting out of this spell with their virginity and dignity. He wanted to glare, but some small part of his brain (the part that connected with his ancients and their magic and spirits) screamed that such an action would be the equivalent of getting in between Alfred and a hamburger. The only consequence was finding out what life was like living as a splatter on the wall.

The woman raised a delicate brow at him, and Canada knew instantly who she was.

"Forgive me your goddess-ness, but neither England nor France taught me how to properly address goddesses." Matthew hoped saying that and bowing like Japan would be enough.

Amaterasu, ancient sun goddess of Japan, sounded amused as she responded, "A pity that Westerners never remember such manners in their precious education." Her tone turned dark. "Why are you stealing my mirror, Nation known as Canada? It is not yours; I gave it to my precious _Nippon_ to show him that I favored his rulers. Give me a reason not to turn you into ash."

Her voice for all its frigid formality was open to negation and Canada dreadfully wished he had his twin's gift of charming whatever came across him. Other then Nations, his brother could charm anyone or anything. Which is how a tentacle monster and Godzilla were running loose on Japan.

He took a deep breath and raised his eyes to meet hers. He was still a proud, brave Nation. If he was going to face an opponent—even if they were a goddess—he would face forward and look straight. He was Canada.

"Your Grace, I and my twin are under a terrible curse. It causes all our friends, family, even enemies, to be filled with uncontrollable lust at the sight of us. If it is not lifted within the next moon, it will be permanent. This curse affects even your dear _Nippon_, and forces all the Nations to act contrary to their nature and it will cause much suffering and war if it is not stopped. Your mirror is one of the magical items necessary to break the curse and I humbly ask to borrow it. Once the curse is lifted I promise you, as the Nation of Canada, that it will be returned unharmed." He breathed again. That was his most formal speech; hopefully it would help her to consider his request.

She sneered. He gulped and thought, _well, that is not a promising sign_. "Nation of Canada, you held my magnificent mirror for less time than it takes a butterfly to take flight and you nearly dropped it. No! You will have to find some other way to break the curse for I will not allow such a clumsy _worm_ to safeguard something so valuable."

_Yep, I was right. That was not a promising sign._ He took another deep breath and ignored the fact that it was her fault he nearly dropped the mirror. He tried again with his best 'Al-listen-to-me-I-am-being-reasonable-and-intelligent-and-you-aren't' tone, "Your Grace—"

"No." She turned her back and looked like a child throwing a tantrum.

He sighed; he would need to use the letter that Nanuq had given him. Nanuq had given it to him right before they had left. Nanuq had growled that it could help if quote, "Some of the other spirits, deities, natural forces, what-have-you decided to be fucking asshats." The only warning that had come with the letter had been, "Just don't look at what's inside."

This seemed to be such a case. "Here," he pulled the letter—still sealed—and gestured with it towards the goddess, "My spirit guardian, Nanuq, King of the Bears, gave this to me to give to you. It will show that I am responsible and able to take care of your _Yata no Kagami_." He handed over the letter.

What followed next was a symphony of colors and face contortions as different emotions raced across the goddesses face. For some reason, in his head heard the finale to "Ode to Joy" as her face went through the varying shades and shapes.

First was a sneer, she opened the letter, then came a raised eyebrow, then a second raised eyebrow as her face flushed pink, then the pink darkened to red as her mouth started to drop open. Next her eyes bugged and her mouth twisted as the red changed to purple. Her mouth began to travel up to make an upside-down "U" shape as her nose scrunched. She turned the page and seemed to start make chocking motions without any of the accompanying sounds, her face changing to a white color that made chalk envious. Now as she looked at what appeared to be a picture (but why there would be a picture… Matthew had no idea) her face went from white to an almost blue color—he was starting to wonder if she really was chocking—as she continued to stare transfixed at the picture. Finally she let lose a scream and dropped to her hands and knees in a corner where an aura of depressed blue surrounded her shaking body.

"Ah, Your Grace, are you ah, alright?" Canada knew that as a goddess she couldn't die, but she was making him nervous with her quiet mumblings and shaking.

Her eyes shot to him and no longer were they calm, remote, superior, and composed but instead held a look of a wild, hurt animal. Finally some sanity and, with it, memory of where she was and who she was in front of returned. She immediately composed herself and gracefully turned to him. She cleared her throat and seemed to try and convince herself that nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred.

"After some further deliberation, I believe your cause to be just and necessary. I will allow you to care for my precious mirror and have full faith and confidence that you will care for it as you would a new-born babe." She handed him the mirror, which he quickly placed inside the magical bag meant to hold all their magical items. He didn't want to risk her changing her mind again.

As he turned to leave, he couldn't help but ask, "Your Grace, what was in that letter and that picture?"

Her head snapped to him like it was fired from a machine gun. "Nothing! Especially nothing from last year's annual Spirit/Deity/Natural Forces Winter Party! Whatever gave you that idea insolent Westerner? Because it is NOT TRUE! NOTHING HAPPENED THAT I AM ASHAMED ABOUT!"

Matthew just stood there and felt a little awkward as he blinked slowly at the panting goddess. She looked aghast at her outburst and snarled at him, "JUST LEAVE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND!" Saying this she turned him around, grabbed him by both the back of his short and the top of his pants, and then _threw him through the roof_ and over the temple walls.

It happened so fast that he didn't even have a chance to scream.

As he flew straight into a group of trees and then proceeded to bump, tumble, crash, and fall through its branches to the ground, he had only one thought on his mind, _what the hell happened at that Party?_

~~~~~~~~~~~THIS~IS~A~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Locating Prussia was easy. The robots and snapping of cameras trying to get a better vantage of said robots was loud and led him right to the albino.

"Yes! That is right my awesome minions, destroy! Plunder! Leave nothing intact! KESESESESESESESESESESEE!" Well, at least Prussia was no longer mopping about the Sailor Uranus costume. He grabbed the cross-dressing ex-crusader and dragged him into a nearby alley.

"Who dares lay a hand on the most awesome Sailor Uranus? You shall pay for your—oh it's you Mattie."

"Yeah, hi Gil. I got the mirror, let's grab Al and high-tail it out here. Nothing's gone wrong yet and I'd like to keep it that way." Canada hissed as he continued to drag the albino behind him. He looked around corners and slunk through the narrow pathways. Prussia was amused by his caution.

The Prussian snorted, "Relax. Everything is going fine. Look I can see Alfred just up ahead."

Matthew started to let himself relax. Things had been going okay. Maybe he was being a little too paranoid. Alfred turned and saw them. He took off his helmet, waved and then trotted over to where they were standing. "We ready to go?"

Matthew nodded and smiled, "Yeah. Let's get out of here. I think we are completely in the clear."

"Not quite Canada-san," came a calm voice from the right of the group.

The group jerked and turned to their right to see Japan standing serenely with his sword in his hand and eyeing them with his normal calm, stoic mask. Or, at least, it would have been calm and stoic if it weren't for the clear sheen of lust and insanity, and they way his eyes roamed over their bodies. Both twins felt a need to cover themselves with thirty-more layers of clothes, and still felt like another few layers could be added on top of that.

America tried to bring some levity to the situation, "Hey Kiku! How was your flight? Food okay, good service and all that? Um, look, Mattie, Gil, and I would love to stay longer but I just remembered we left the oven on and the washing machine going, so we're just going to head out—"

"No, I do not believe that is going to happen… Alfred-chan. Gilbert-san can leave, but I must insist that you and your brother stay."

Prussia sprang forward, "Yeah well, in the name of the Awesome that is Prussia I punish you! You don't get the twins you closet pervert!"

Prussia had probably meant for that to be threatening and in sync with his costume. Instead it just caused the three other Nations to look a combination of embarrassed and pitying. Japan had a look on his face of pain, like Prussia's sentence had done him some physical injury. America shuffled his feet against the ground and tried to look everywhere but at Prussia. He seemed to take great interest in the birds flying overhead, the cracks in the sidewalk, and the continuing rampaging antics of Tim and Zilly. Canada just rubbed the back of his neck and tried to explain to a confused Prussia why his threat had sunk faster than a lead balloon carrying a basket filled with all of Italy's emergency pasta.

"Ah, Gil…" his tone of voice was equal parts someone trying to explain to a _special_ child what the answer to a complicated algebra problem was and uncomfortable that he was having to do such a thing for a supposedly intelligent adult, "Again, you're wearing a Sailor Uranus costume and that was Sailor Moon's gig and… it's just… it doesn't work… please, please never try that again." America and Japan nodded so fast and hard that it looked like their heads may pop off.

Gilbert flushed, and snarled, "well, what do you think we should do, Mr. Know-it-all?"

Matthew met his twin's eyes. They nodded. "Well, Gilbert. It's simple. RUN!"

They took off, Japan fast on their heels.

~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello, my lovely fey friends! For this next part of the story, this humble Puck shall be entertaining you with the world's first _interactive story!_ If you could all open you tabs to Youtube and search for 'Benny Hill Theme Song,' (the one that is only 1:02 minutes long) I'll wait. Now that you have the video up, don't play it yet! If you have, put it back to the beginning. I want you to read the next little part of this story while listening to that music. I think you will find that it _enhances_ the story.

Now I will be conducting my wonderful group of band volunteers to provide the music. We have the lovely ASHYNARR, ONIONGRASS, NARUKO UZU, ANON007, FICFAN3484, and SOUTHKOREA DA-ZEE. Let's give a round of applause for our orchestra! (crickets chirp)

Every one of you has to be a critic. This Puck does not know why he bothers. Now one last thing before we start the interactive portion. Everyone get into the mind an image of a long hallway, painted a light pink. It has four doors running down each side. That is our scene.

So my dear friends, listen to the music, imagine my frantic conducting, and enjoy the story with the heightened auditory effects!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BEGIN~LISTENING~TO~SONG~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prussia, Canada, and America run into the hallway with Japan close behind them.

"Quick!" Canada cried, "into that door!"

The three ran into the closest door on the right, Japan followed after them. They ran out of the third door on the left. Japan still following.

The three ran into the second door on the left and Japan dived in after them. Out they popped from the fourth door on the right. They ran across the hall to the fourth door on left while America tried to hold the door closed behind them. But Japan would not be stopped and he charged through.

America screamed and yelled "Split up!" He made a mad dash to the first door on the left while Canada raced through the third door on the right. Prussia and Japan looked at both doors before Prussia continued through the fourth door on the left and Japan decided to follow Canada through the door on the door on the right.

America exited through the door fourth door on the right riding a bicycle. He pedaled over to the third door on the right.

Prussia exited through the first door on the left skating on a scooter. It was harder than it looked in his high-heeled boots. He entered into the second door on the right.

Canada galloped from the third door on the left riding a horse and, for some reason, wearing an all leather corset and dominatrix outfit. He was followed by Japan who was riding a little pink pony and then Prussia rocking vigorously on a tiny rocking horse. With grim determination he rocked and skid his small, silicon steed after Japan and Canada into the first door on the right.

America reappeared with his brother as the both used rows to backstroke a row boat from the third door on the left to the third door on the right.

Prussia emerged on a pogo stick from the second door on the left and bounced over the fourth door on the left.

Japan was chased out of the first door on the right by a rouge sheep as he ran for his life through the second door on the left.

America was being carried by Tim as they burst through from the third door on the right. Tim frantically squelched across to the first door on the left.

Canada and Prussia were screaming as Zilly broke down the second door on the left and then charged through the first door on the left.

Japan rode a children's tricycle from the fourth door on the right and pedaled, with as much dignity as he could with his knees stuck in his armpits, to the first door on the left.

All four ran out of the fourth door on the left and exited the hallway.

~~~~~END~OF~MUSIC~AND~INTERACTIVE~SCENE~OF~STORY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, Puck hopes all his dear fey friends had fun with that scene. Let's thank our dear band for their good job playing their instruments… and a big round of applause for the grand conductor!

(There is a smattering of half-hearted claps.)

This Puck hopes you all rot. All the things he does, and never any respect. Bah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~BACK~TO~REGULAR~NARRATIVE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three Western Nations panted as they hid in the old storage building near where they had parked the plane. They were all sweaty and out of breath.

Alfred wiped his brow and looked at his companions. "Man, I really thought that we had lost him back in that hallway, but for a short guy he can really run fast!"

Gilbert gulped in a breath and replied, "Yeah, well, I can tell you from working with him back during World War II, he can be pretty persistent when he is after something. He just kind of gets in this zone and you can't shake him!" This last part was said with a degree of admiration.

Matthew just shook his head, "Yeah, I think we can all vouch for his persistence, Gil."

This caused the other two Nations to focus on the Northern twin, or more accurately what he was wearing. There was silence in the storage building as Prussia tried—and failed—to hide his drool while America just looked confused at what his brother was wearing. He opened his mouth to comment…

"Ah, Mattie, you're kind of… you're wearing… How?" Was the confused comment from the superpower.

Matthew just sighed and looked down at what he was wearing. "I don't know Al, okay? I just don't know. I went into the door wearing a hoodie and jeans, came out in this. I'm not sure how or even when it happened but it did. Now we're going to ignore this and focus on Japan."

Alfred opened his mouth, "But—"

"No, Al, we ARE going to focus on Japan, got it?" This was said in the tone of voice that Canada got during hockey season. America quickly shut his mouth.

Speak of the devil, the three cringed as they heard Japan outside calling for them to come forward and make it easier on themselves when he found them.

"Shit!" Alfred was unhappy and wanted to get this stupid curse done with. "He's near the plane. It's only a matter of time before he finds us and when he does… I don't want to fight him! Not only is he my friend, but he is a serious BAMF when it comes to his ninja skills."

Canada sighed and sat down heavily on a box as he tried to make himself comfortable in his leather… outfit. "What are we going to do then?"

America started pacing back and forth, "Just give me a sec to think. I'll come up with a plan."

For once no one laughed. While America could come up with the most… unique… ideas at the World Conference, no one would ever say anything derisive about his battle planning. America remained on top military-wise for a reason.

America's eyes snapped to where Canada was sitting, or more accurately, what he was sitting on. Without so much as a "bye-your-leave," he pushed his brother off the box and looked inside at its contents. Just as Canada was about to give him shit-fest for his actions, a book was shoved into his face.

Matthew pulled back and read the cover. Paled, and looked at his brother. "Really?" Alfred just smiled—really more of an evil smirk—and nodded.

Matthew scowled and said, "Fine, but we're going to be geographically correct, got it?"

Alfred shrugged. "That's fine." He then turned to Prussia who looked lost at the twins' ability to communicate without words. "Alright, Gil, here's the plan: we need you to-"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Japan felt like a predator who knew his prey was close by. He could almost smell the twins and his body twitched in anticipation. Soon he would have those luscious twins and then, OH! The manga he would write. He'd never thought about the twins together before and was now kicking himself. All those cute faces and blond hair and near identical looks the twins had would make for some great pictures. He even had the costumes already picked out! Now, to find them…

Prussia burst through the trees and grabbed Japan's arm. Japan barely kept himself from killing the other Nation. "…What is it Prussia-san?"

The ex-Nation panted and gestured wildly, "You have to come (pant) the twins (pant, pant) if you don't you will miss it (pant, deep gasping of air) and you don't want to miss it, MIEN GOTT!" At these words the ex-Nation started to drag and pull the Japanese Nation over to where his old storage building was located. _I forgot that I had shown that to Alfred-chan_, he thought, _that must be where he and his twin are hiding. I'll have to do something nice for Prussia-san if he delivers me the twins. Perhaps put him in one of my stories?_

Japan pushed open the door and saw something glorious, beautiful, beyond words. The twins were on the ground and America had lost his shirt. They were in the middle of heavy making out as Canada kept his twin pinned to the ground. The sight and sounds made him dizzy as he felt the build-up of blood that occurred whenever he saw or thought too hard about such a situation. His mouth was dry and he wondered idly why he hadn't gotten his nosebleed yet. Then Canada bit America on the neck, causing the later to groan out in pleasurable pain and all thought was lost as Mt. Fuji, Japan's nose, erupted in enough blood to propel the island Nation up. His head ran into the roof which smacked him back down to earth. The combination of blood loss and head trauma caused the Nation to lose consciousness.

His last thoughts as his vision blackened were _I'm going to have so many stories to make after this._

Both twins stopped and looked up after they heard the two thumps of Japan's body hitting the roof then floor. Alfred sighed and put back on his shirt. "Well, I'm glad that worked. Thank god Japan keeps all his manga out here. If I hadn't seen OHSHC, I probably wouldn't have thought of this and we'd've had to fight him."

Canada made a non-commitental sound. "Well, now we can leave and get the next item: Sun Wukong's staff. Let's go, it'll be a long flight."

A whimper sound was heard and both twins braced themselves. They weren't sure how Japan had regained consciousness so quickly but they'd be ready for him. But Japan didn't move. The twins looked at Prussia.

Prussia, whose nose was bleeding as much as his mouth was drooling, was staring at them with a look of torment and longing. "Could you both just make out for a little while longer?"

The twin glares would have killed him if he hadn't been the awesome Nation of Prussia.

He tried again, "So is that a no definitely…?"

The twins' glares became even more deadly.

Prussia gulped, "Alright, let's go and get that staff!" He made a mental note to sleep with one eye open tonight. Those were not happy twins!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END~OF~CHAPTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's note: Holy crud! This was tough to write. I've never done an interactive scene and I hope it came out okay! Big round of applause for my band people! And before I thank some reviewers: here is a question: where are the twins headed next? Let me know what you think in your reviews!

Catgirl963: Thank you for all your kind words. I'm glad you liked the ending with slow motion scene because originally this was supposed to be a part of it but I like it better separate. I will keep trying to develop the story so that you can continue to enjoy it. Thanks for taking the time to review, it means a lot to me that you took the time to do so!

Shadowmask3263: Glad I cleared up the magic and glad you liked the chapter. I hope you like this one as well. Thanks for reviewing!

Mofalle: I just feel like America probably had perfected his technique of sleeping with his eyes open when he was very young, and I think Prussia's yodeling would probably be detrimental to the hearing of all around. As for each of them thinking that he is the sane one… the question is who is sane? I hope you like this chapter just as much as you liked the others. Thanks for reviewing!

Much Love till Next Time,

91REDROSES


	7. In Which Nanuq and Manabozho Get Dancing

Chapter 6: In Which Nanuq and Manabozho Get Jiggy With It

Disclaimer and Apology: I don't own any Hetalia characters nor do I own Saiyuki characters, I just happen to be a fan of both shows and have access to a computer. Sorry I have been gone for awhile, I have been on vacation and just not had the energy or ability or time to sit down and write. Hopefully this chapter will make up for the long break!

Dedication: I would like to dedicate this chapter to Anon007. This wonderful person was kind enough to send me an email in concern over how long it was taking me to get up my next chapter. This was enough of a kick-start to get me to finish this chapter. Thanks Anon007, it is people like you who make this labor of love a true labor of love!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ON~TO~THE~CHAPTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mattie brought out the compass and map that would help lead them to the old temple/monastery. It would be deserted so at least he didn't have to worry about _this_ treasure being as hard to get to as Japan's. It pointed straight through a rocky path in the mountains. He looked back at his other companions as they hid the plane.

Prussia looked around, "Where are we again?"

Canada gave the Prussian a flat look, "We're just south of Ngari, China. We're looking for an old temple that will house the _Ruyi Jingu Bang_."

America snorted. "We're actually in Tibet, but as you know, China can be a royal pain in the ass when it comes to letting Tibet go…"

Canada now sent the flat look at his brother and rolled his eyes. "Al, can we please save the international politics on the rights of sovereignty until _after_ we are no longer in danger of being molested/raped by every male Nation on the planet."

Prussia cast a hurt look at Canada, "Hey…"

Canada was nearing the end of his patience. "I saw you ogling me the entire time I was trying to change out of that pitiful excuse of leather clothing, so don't even go there mister!"

The sad thing was Prussia didn't even try to deny it. "Well yeah, but you were looking seriously fuckable in those clothes—"

Whatever else Prussia may have said was a moot point because at that point America kicked the albino in the back of his knees. This had the comedic effect of sending the self-proclaimed King of Awesome flailing his arms as he fell backwards. The humorous sight was heightened when the albino's inertia caused him to roll head over feet down the hill they had all been climbing while talking. He finally landed at the bottom with his ass sticking up in the air, feet by his head, and moaning. The laughter that came flowing from the twins was cathartic and after they helped the cursing, moaning ex-Nation back to his feet, Canada was feeling much better about getting the artifact.

After all what could go wrong now that would be worse than what had already happened?

~~~~~~MURPHY'S~LAW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Matthew continued to watch his brother jump up and down, roll on the ground, and drool and scream at the sight of Sun Wukong, a.k.a. the Monkey King, he reminded himself that (a) having an anime/manga fan-boy for a brother caused way too many headaches and (b) that Murphy hated Matthew Williams for some unknown reason and wanted him to suffer at every given opportunity.

The Nation reflected to himself how the circumstances had come to occur as his hand automatically reached to grab his twin and put a temporary stop to the stupidity and insanity (only temporary though, because Murphy—again hating the Canadian for reasons that were unknown but most likely petty, like, because Canadian maple syrup is just the bomb and nothing else can touch it—had given him a twin like Alfred instead of, say, Hong Kong). From what he could make out in his headache-besieged mind was the following course of events:

1. They entered the broken down temple with no problem. This should have been the first warning sign that things were about to go south.

2. They easily spotted the magical artifact, the legendary Monkey King's staff.

3. Prussia asked whether the staff was what they were looking for cause it was, quote, "pretty pathetic and not at all awesome." To which, and this was Matthew's first mistake, Matthew calmly stated that it was the Monkey King's staff and didn't have to look awesome.

4. Alfred, who had been calmly sipping on a soda, flipped his shit at this comment and demanded to know if this was true.

5. Matthew made mistake number two, he replied yes. This sent Al into spasms of fan-boy gushing reaching Mock Two levels. Apparently, a manga/anime that Al really liked was based off the _Journey to the West—_it was called _Saiyuki_ Matthew guessed since that had been one of the few words out of Al's mouth before he descended into plain gibberish—and the Monkey King was one of his favorite characters on the show.

6. The REAL Monkey King showed up… looking exactly like the character in the manga. Al went immediately to Fan-boy Mock One/Death Con One levels and had been having an epileptic fit since.

Sometimes it really sucked to be Matthew Williams. But he took a deep breath, this needed to be brought under control, and since Gilbert was content to watch his brother twitch and foam at the mouth, that meant it was—as always—up to him.

"Ah, Your Monkey Highness? It's lovely to meet you, even if you apparently look like a manga character. My name is Matthew Williams, the Nation of Canada and these two are Gilbert Beilschmidt, the Nation of Prussia, and my brother Alfred Jones, the Nation of the United States of America." There. That should have been a proper enough greeting to get the Monkey King to at least listen to their plea.

The Monkey King just gave him a look. "I can feel what you are, Canada. I am the Ultimate and the Most Great Sun Wukong! And for your information, I can transform into whatever form I like… and I happen to like the Nation of Nippon's manga. I think they made me appropriately sexy, even if they got my friends' personalities all fucked up. Not to mention they didn't even show all my many great abilities or my intelligence or my great fighting skill or… well. A number of things. But, humans, you know? What can you do with 'em?" Now the Monkey King glared and pulled himself up to his full height and let his aura press upon them all. The room was all the sudden much harder to breathe in, and even Alfred was knocked out of his fan-boy fit. The Monkey King bared his teeth in a horrid grin, "What do you peons want?"

Canada gulped and held out the envelope from Nanuq and Manabozho. As the Monkey King took the letter, Matthew quickly explained the situation. After the, er, positive response of Amaterasu to the letter, Canada was slightly confident that it would work a second time.

His hopes were quickly and brutally crushed.

The Monkey King just threw his head back and laughed. "I can't believe those spirits are trying to blackmail ME! I am the god of trolling and this is the best they could come up with? Drunken pictures from the last Winter Gathering of Spirits? Wow." He shook his head and flashed—_flashed_ because Matthew didn't see him move at all and _no one should be that fast because Matthew was Canada and a trained warrior AND HE DIDN'T SEE THE MOVEMENT!_—over to Canada's side with an arm thrown casually over his shoulder—_but it wasn't casual because Matthew could feel the power in that arm and all his instincts were screaming at him to move because that much power should be nowhere near his body let alone his neck, but he couldn't move andohgodpleasesomeonehelphim_—and spoke next to ear in a quiet, serious voice, "You know, son, sometimes a man or spirit or god or what-have-you looks at what's going on and rides a donkey, but sometimes a great King looks around and knows you put on a wedding dress, get your Mardi Gras beads swinging around your neck, grab a ukulele, AND RIDE THAT DONKEY BACKWARDS TILL IT CAN'T STAND AND LOOKS AT YOU WITH REMORSE AND SHAME THE NEXT GODDAMN MORNING! You understand what I'm saying?"

Canada cleared his throat as best he could, "Uh, I believe you're implying that you did something with a donkey that is illegal, immoral, and something I never wanted to imagine ever and will now never un-imagine it."

The Monkey King nodded and patted his shoulder. "You understand."

Canada looked at that hand touching him and idly wondered if burning the article of clothing would make him feel clean or if he should just have America burn down parts of his land again to make sure the infection was truly gone.

Sun Wukong strutted back to where his staff was and looked it over. "Now, I understand and slightly sympathize with what the three of you are doing. But I don't think I can hand over my beloved staff to you. Nothing personal, it's just that I love this staff and don't give two shits about you."

Prussia growled, "Then we'll take it."

Sun looked at him with an incredulous look. "There is no way you three can defeat me in battle. While I know you are all great warriors and Nations, the fact is that I am an immortal and nigh all-powerful warrior king. In rock-paper-scissors, I win."

The words hurt with their truth. Canada, America, and even Prussia, for all his bravado, had felt the Monkey King's power. They wouldn't last long enough to get the spear and run.

America stepped forward. "Please sir is there anything we can trade or do to get that staff from you."

The Monkey King looked at him and thought about it. Canada inwardly sighed. Of course the all-powerful spirit would do what his brother wanted or at least even consider it. If he or Prussia had suggested the thing, Canada knew they would have been laughed out of the temple. America had such a charisma, no, a pull on everything. He made you believe in the impossible and listen to outrageous ideas and leave behind your home and everything you had ever loved for a whisper of promise to flock to his shores and open arms. It was amazing.

Then Sun smiled and looked at the twins, "Fine. If you can complete a task for me then you will be allowed to borrow my staff. But for this task you will need Nanuq and Manabozho. Call them."

America's eyes widened and he looked at his brother. Canada simply nodded and went inside himself to find that link to Nanuq that was always there. His spirit, for all his gruff behavior, was the most mothering of all the Native Spirits and had made sure that his Canadian charge could call upon him instantly whenever or wherever. Canada nearly smiled when he felt the warm link in his heart to Nanuq. He grasped the link in his mind and pulled.

"Cub, why am I here?" The voice was as instantaneous as the travel. Canada opened his eyes and looked at Nanuq, who luckily had Manabozho on his back. (Although, Matthew hadn't been _too_ worried. In this time of crisis with their charges, the spirit kings would stick together like glue.)

He took a deep breath and nodded his head towards Sun Wukong. "We need your help for his task to get his staff."

Manabozho thumped Nanuq on the head and muttered, "I told you that picture wouldn't work with him." He twitched his tiny nose and turned towards Sun. "What do you want."

At that question, the Monkey King's smile could have split his face in two, "Well…"

~~~~THIS~IS~A~BREAK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prussia couldn't believe this and, judging from the looks on the others' faces, neither could they. Prussia felt insulted really. _He, the most Awesome of all the Nations, was not allowed to participate in the Monkey King's challenge!_ It was unseemly and most un-awesome! _Stupid Monkey Freak is probably just worried that my Awesomeness would make the challenge too easy,_ he thought defiantly.

Prussia was startled from his thoughts as Birdie spoke up in that flat tone of 'I-can't-believe-such-stupidity-came-out-of-your-mouth' that for, some reason, Gilbert heard a lot, "So let's get this straight, in order to get the staff from you Manabozho, Nanuq, Al, and I have to impress you with a group dance."

Sun Wukong nodded gravely. "I really love that show 'America's Best Dance Crew.' It is truly epic and if you can give me something on that level, I will be glad to not only give you my staff, but also help your bunny and teddy bear fight the big, bad fairy lady."

Said "bunny" and "teddy bear" glared and growled respectively at the monkey while Birdie glared at Alfred and muttered, "Of course it's your fault that _once again_ I'm doing something utterly humiliating."

Prussia decided that he had not shared his awesome wisdom for too long. "Why can't the awesome Me be in this? 'Fraid to see my awesome dancing skills lest your brain collapse in on itself?"

Sun simply stared at him, bored. "No."

...Okay, that had been a little harsh.

Prussia stared at the ground in his emo corner as a cloud of depression settled over him. He only half-listened to what was said as he was too caught up in his hurt feelings to pay too much attention to the King of Monkeys and Stupid, Un-awesome things.

In the background, only slightly heard over Prussia's continuing mutterings of "Am to awesome" and "I can so dance but they are all too un-awesome so they can't see it, yeah," the monkey stated that the spirit guides would have to be in human form and that all four would have to wear the outfits that had been picked out for them. The hapless four were then pushed into another area to dress.

Prussia was yanked out of his emo corner by a strong hand on the back of his shirt collar. He spluttered a bit and demanded, "What the hell? That was totally un-awesome!"

Sun rolled his eyes, "Stop being so melodramatic. I didn't have you dance because this is going to be too great to miss and I thought you would like front row seats to the event of the century. I'm the world's first and best troll, despite what some other posers say, so I can see in you a level of not-giving-a-shit that takes talent and balls to maintain. You and I are not so unlike. We are both beings of pure awesome that lesser creatures can't handle. That is why I'm saving you from the hilarious humiliation that the others will be going through soon. But if you're going to be a little bitch about it, I'll just toss your ass outta here like yesterday's trash, got it?"

And all Prussia could do was stare in wonderment. Here was the companion that he had always looked for… someone who had levels of apathy about destruction and mayhem caused by his actions combined with an in-your-face attitude that Prussia thought no one else but he had. It was awesome. And Prussia just knew. He knew, as he grabbed the outstretched hand, that he would no longer be alone in his awesomeness. It felt right. It just felt right.

The Monkey King smiled in an almost gentle way at the albino Nation, "Come on… let's watch the show."

~~~~~EPIC~BROMANCE~INTERUPPTED~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prussia leaned farther back in his chair as he waited for the show. Sunny (as Prussia was now allowed to call him) explained to him that the dance show was split up into three shows. At first Sunny planned to make them all dance one time together, but had decided that this would be more fun. And take less time since, you know, most people would not be able to pull off a perfectly choreographed dance at the drop of a hat. (It also allowed him to give each show a different outfit and song which was going to be awesome apparently.) Of course, Prussia had pointed out that most people couldn't inprov a dance by themselves either. But Sunny waved off the concern. Apparently there was a spell that could be put on clothes to automatically teach the wearer a dance, so at least Prussia knew none of the dances would be shitty. First up was human form of the rabbit king and Prussia was curious as to what the rabbit would look like and what his dance/costume was.

Music started to pour in the temple and Prussia prepared himself. It was… mariachi music?

Yep, and in came the Rabbit King himself in a mariachi outfit. Apparently this dance was to be styled after a Mexican Hat Dance. Gil tuned out the dance and music—he got his fill of the stuff whenever Mexico hosted the World Meeting because he liked to try and impress his "beloved Alfie" with his music and dance culture—to focus on the Rabbit.

Gilbert felt the Rabbit was a very pretty human. Manabozho had waist-long, crow-black hair that was smooth and silky—making his white as snow rabbit ears which he still had stand out even more—and his entire body was lithe and handsome. And, as the rabbit turned human turned his back towards his audience, Manabozho also had a little white bunny tail. Gil nodded to himself and thought, _Yep, he is a pretty boy. I would fuck him… I give his looks an 8 out of 10. Maybe an 8.5?_

He was brought of his musing on the fuckability levels of the rabbit spirit by clapping. Sunny was clapping and smirking while he said, "Pretty good Mana dear. Very cute and technically correct, but I felt the SOUL was lacking. Try harder next time… but I give it a passing grade."

Gilbert shivered at the look—because the word "glare" would be too much an understatement—and wondered how much more a kick from the rabbit spirit would hurt now that his legs were longer and now that he had a better height to try and kick you from.

The music started again and Gilbert immediately sat up. This was the twins' dance. Gilbert licked his lips and pulled at his collar… he felt very hot all the sudden.

The sudden increase in anticipation was in part because of the music. Gilbert knew this particular song very well because it happened to be France's ringtone for "the beauties that I really want to share l 'amour with, HONHONHONHONHON" (read: anything that moves and— frighteningly enough — some things that don't move). It was Sin with Sebastian's "Shut Up (and sleep with me)." Thinking of what kind of dance and clothes would go with this song had Prussia shifting in his seat and wishing for looser pants.

Then the twins came out. And Gilbert's mouth went completely dry as his head felt very light… all the blood that had been elsewhere in his body remembered a… pressing engagement in his lower body near the area of his pelvis. All the twins were wearing was a Las Vegas showgirl outfit; Al in deep red and gold colors that went well on his tan skin and blue eyes while Mattie was in a blue and white to match his violet-blue eyes and paler skin. You know the ones. The little bikinis and high heels and peacock feathers coming out of their ass? Those? Remember? Yes? They were in those.

Gil had never been more grateful for a table before in his life. Not only was it hiding his five-meter problem, but it also prevented his awesome self from pouncing on the twins and doing exactly what the song insisted he do. Gilbert restrained himself barely through the erotic dance. He was the Awesome Nation of Prussia and no stupid spell was going to make him force himself on the twins. He cared too deeply for them to do such a thing. (And he was pretty sure that if he tried he would be kicked a certain rabbit spirit in his five meters and he wasn't sure what the bear spirit would do but it probably wouldn't be awesome either.)

Finally the dance (read: torture, pure wonderful torture) was over and Prussia released his breath and tried to calm his awesome five meters down. _Think ugly things, think ugly things!_ He kept chanting to himself in hopes that it would help. It didn't.

Sunny must have sensed his growing problem, "Don't worry. Nanuq is up next and I promise it will cause you to shrink."

Prussia could only blink once in confusion before Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie" started. The albino turned to look at the bear spirit in human form before he wished feverishly that he hadn't.

The bear spirit was BIG. All muscle and huge. He stood about seven feet tall and was—in Prussia's military estimate—three men's width from shoulder to shoulder. His hair was short and scruffy, close cut to his head and you could see his little bear ears poke up through the mess of hair. His face was flat and wide like someone had flattened it down and pulled it firmly into a permanent scowl. His arms and legs bulged with muscle and were all very, very, INCREDIBLY hairy. And all THAT was Nanuq and all of THAT was—somehow, against the laws of physics and reality—stuffed inside a small dress. The dress itself was even mind-boggling!

It was pink for one thing. So pink that Prussia thought even POLAND might have thought it was a bit tacky. It was also short, very short on such a big man by only coming down to his mid-thigh. And the skirt was fucking puffy as shit. It was like a goddamn ballerina's tutu. Which meant that Prussia was horrifyingly sure that if the wrong movement was made or, hell, even if the right movement with enough force was made, the skirt would lift up and show its "hidden treasures" right to Prussia's terrified eyes.

Then the bear spirit began to dance. His hips began to gyrate. His thighs began to twist and turn. His arms moved above his head and moved back and forth to the rhythm of the song.

"Never really knew she could dance like this…"

(Prussia had not known and would have been happy, so very happy to have remained ignorant.)

"She makes a man want to speak Spanish…"

(No. No. Prussia was getting desperate to look away but his eyes were trapped and his body frozen. Like a deer caught in the high-beams of a train, Prussia could only continue to watch as the horror continued.)

"Keep on reading the signs of my body…"

(It was at this point that Prussia was further horrified to realize that Nanuq was getting into this dance. His movements became more sensual… or as sensual as a man-bear of Nanuq's size could be. It ended up looking like his limbs were in the midst of a seizure while his face was stuck in the "Orgasm" face.)

"You know my hips don't lie…"

(_Please, please lie. Just stop dancing. For the love of all that is good stop dancing!_)

"All the attraction, the tension… don't you see baby this is perfection."

(Prussia began to wonder if this dance would kill him. It was an idle, almost wistful thought because by this time, every shake of Nanuq's hips was like a pelvic thrust in the direction of Gilbert's face. A sweaty, hip thrust, a sweaty, meaty hip thrust, a sweaty, meaty, energetic hip thrust right at Gilbert's face. He had never felt so violated in his life.)

"She's so sexy, every man's fantasy…"

(It was at this point that Gilbert realized that Nanuq was wearing NOTHING under that pink dress.)

"_Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa…_"

(And any sex drive that Gilbert would ever have was lost in that moment of truth and horror. Simply poof! Gone. He tried to look on the bright side of things as the song came to end… he no longer had a five meter problem. In fact, he was fairly sure that his awesome five meters had been so repulsed and frightened by the display that they would be forever shrunk and lost in his body cavity. In a daze he wondered if that would make going to the bathroom very difficult.)

Sunny was up and clapping. So was Manabozho. And they were both congratulating a blushing Nanuq on his wonderful performance. Prussia turned his head and saw the twins. Looking at their remarkable job of mimicking statues, pretty green and pale statues at that, he felt pleased to know that he was not alone in his trauma.

Sunny turned to the frozen Nations, "Well, that was great! I'm happy to lend a hand and hand over my staff to such talented fellows." He smiled brightly and gave an energetic "thumbs up."

The Nations continued to remain frozen and silent.

The spirits didn't seem to notice and talked amongst themselves as they gathered up different items.

Manabozho grabbed the twins' bag and held it out for Sun to place the staff inside, "Wow, that was really fun. Man, Nanuq, I never knew you had such moves!"

Nanuq tried to wave it off, "Well, you know… when Matthew's away I've got to do something to work off his pancakes and I found I really like dancing."

Sun just laughed. "Don't be so modest! It was simply great!" He took a closer look at Manabozho's bag. "Say! Isn't that the bag you once stuffed all the animals into so that they couldn't be killed by hunters? Man, that bag is so cool because of how big it is on the inside."

Manabozho chuckled and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Ah, well, I was trying to help and you know how that turned out…"

Sun shook his head. "Don't be like that! It was a great plan!"

Through-out the exchange none of the Nations had moved or said a word. They all stayed frozen, silent and staring vacant stares.

The three spirits shooed the Nations out the temple door. Sun cheerfully snapped his fingers causing the twins' showgirl outfits to disappear and be replaced by their normal clothes. "Now," he chirped, "be good and run off and continue your hunt for more items! The three of us will have our hands full trying to keep the fairies and other Nations from using magic to impede or summon you guys thus interfering with your quest. You probably won't be able to summon us anymore, but that's okay because we are sure you all can handle this on your own."

With that and a wave, the traumatized trio was sent on their way.

It wasn't until they reached the bottom of the mountainous path that a sound came from one of them.

Canada whimpered, "I really liked Shakira. And I liked that song."

Prussia tried to solider through the memory by being stoic, "We are going to need months, no years, no decades of therapy before our brains will ever be okay again."

America breathed long and deep, "When this mess is over, I'm going to put all my resources and will in making a memory-erasing machine. Then I am going to get rid of that moment from my mind forever."

Canada looked troubled for a second, "Couldn't that also erase other important moments from our memories?"

America shrugged, "Maybe, but I'm willing to risk it."

Canada simply nodded, "I'll be second in line."

Prussia, being the eldest, decided to stop this foolishness, "We will discuss who gets their memory purified first later. Now we must focus on our mission. So! We are going to repress the ever-loving fuck out of that memory until then and never speak of the incident till it is time to get rid of it forever. Agreed?"

Canada and America both solemnly agreed.

The trio turned and continued on the path…

…Only for three nets to spring up and separate the three of them. The three screamed and kicked as they swung in their nets, bouncing up and down as the nets swung from their trees.

"Leaving so soon, aru?"

~~~~~~THE~END~CLIFFHANGER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello, I am so sorry it took me forever to update and reply to your wonderful reviews. I have been on vacation where the internet is spotty and this chapter just didn't want to write. And then all the sudden it wrote itself so now you all can enjoy it! Now to thank my reviewers that I was unable to thank over email for their kind reviews!

Catgirl963: You were correct! They did head to China… and they had to endure a great trial to get the staff, don't you agree? I just wonder if they therapy and memory erasing machine will help them? What do you think? I hope you enjoy this chapter too! Thanks for all your support!

Southern Pride: Very LOL. And hopefully this chapter will me you LOL too. Thanks for your review and I am glad you are enjoying the story. Please continue to give this unworthy author your reviews and patronage. I am very grateful.

Raining Silver: I am glad that you love my story. And I really appreciate that you took the time to review this story. I know it can be a huge pain and so I'm really thankful that you took your time to do so. I hope this chapter makes you love the story all the more!

Thank you everyone once again for being so patient! Please review! I want to hear your comments and critiques! I love you all!

Much Love,

91REDROSES


	8. In Which Brothers Fight to the Death

Chapter 7: In Which Everyone Throws a Hissy Fit

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. I merely write for fun and for the enjoyment of others. So, please enjoy the new chapter.

~~~~~~~~~ON~WITH~THE~SHOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

China smiled at his catches of the day. The nets the twins were trapped in had been specially designed to deal with America's super-strength. At this moment he was glad that he had ordered for the other net to be made special like America's; it seemed his hunch that both twins were abnormally strong was correct. It was amusing to see his brides-to-be struggle against their nets.

Now… the only question was what to dress them in for the wedding. He was leaning towards the idea that one would be dressed in traditional Chinese wedding garb while the other would be dressed as a traditional Western bride. A nice bridging of their cultures, he believed. But which twin in which dress? One of his wedding consultants had suggested America for the traditional Chinese dress because the red dress would look good on his tan skin while Canada would look positively ethereal in the white dress against his pale skin. However, another wedding consultant said that Canada's pale skin in the white dress would make him look like a corpse, that the rich tones of the Chinese red would be better and that America's tan skin would be a lovely contrast in the white. Decisions, decisions…

China was quickly shaken from his thoughts by the delicate dove call of Canada's voice, "China, release us. You have no right to detain us on your soil as we were simply making a sojourn to one of your temples. You and I both know that according to agreement #17 of the 3756th World Meeting at Prague that a Nation cannot hold another Nation against the latter Nation's wishes if the latter is making a trip for religious purposes that are nonviolent and non-disruptive to the former Nation's daily responsibilities and laws."

China was impressed by his little Canadian dove. The Canuck could quote international treaties and laws with the best of them. It was right then and there that China decided that when it came to matters of policy, foreign or internal, Canada would be the wife he would ask advice from.

However, international treaties would not save the twins today. "I know what the treaties state, my little dove," China calmly countered, "I just simply do not care whether or not I break them in my pursuit of you and your brother."

America blinked and asked, "…did you just call Mattie a dove?"

China nodded, "Yes he is my little dove, while you are my tiny kitten."

America spluttered, "K-kitten?"

China covered his mouth with his sleeve while he laughed at the adorable expression on his kitten's face, "Yes, you have always reminded me of a kitten, America—no _Alfred_. The way you are too curious, energetic, and adorable for your own good has always reminded me of a small kitten."

Alfred growled, both at the kitten comment and the use of his human name. "I am no kitten, _China_."

China shook his head and wagged his finger sternly at the American. "No, I am to be your husband Alfred. That means you are to call me Yao and I will call you by either pet names or your human name. It is appropriate for us to have that level of intimacy." The tone in his voice was both gentle and stern, showing that while China was clearly the husband and in charge, he would not be a cruel dictator of a husband. He would need to get this rebellious part of Alfred out immediately and a slow steady manner would be the best for it.

Looks like all those years being a big brother to a bunch of bratty younger siblings would come in handy.

He knew how to deal with younger, rebellious Nations.

It was at this moment that the last net spoke up. "The awesome Prussia demands you let him and his friends go before he opens a can of whoop ass on you that will leave you black and blue for months, old man!"

Ah, the annoyance. China had somewhat forgotten the loud bug while he was admiring his brides.

China snorted and reached into one of his sleeves, withdrawing a syringe from the folds. "Ah, yes. The former Nation of Prussia. The biggest has-been of Europe. I am afraid that the ceremony between me and my lovely twins is a private affair… and you are NOT invited." With that last comment, China jabbed the syringe into the Prussians' ass. His mouth curled in distaste at having to touch that area, but he knew it would be the best place for the potion. _The things I do for love_, he thought with an internal sigh.

The albino screeched in anger and tried to twist to grab a hold of the Chinese man's wrist, but China was the eldest Nation still around… when it came to secrets of poisons and potions there was no better apothecary than Yao Wang. The albino was unconscious within seconds of the injection.

Canada cried out in alarm and America yelled in fury, "Hey! What did you do to him?"

China shrugged his shoulders and walked over to his kitten's net. Reaching between the elastic mesh that prevented America from simply tearing the net to shreds, China delicately stroked some exposed flesh near Alfred's mid-section. The touch sent shivers of desire throughout the China's old body and he felt his blood heat and churn at the thought of touching more—all—of such soft, smooth skin later.

Alfred flinched away from the personal touch and the dark look of lust in China's brown eyes. _This was not good_, he thought despairingly to himself.

China allowed the flinch… for now. It would only make sense that his dear bride was skittish before his wedding night. Yao sighed and replied to Alfred's earlier question, "I gave that annoying Prussian a sedative. I'll have some of my men pick him up and fly him back to Germany later. As for the three of us… I plan on using a milder sedative on you two to help you get over your pre-wedding jitters and then a potent aphrodisiac to get you into the mood for tonight." China smiled sweetly at his alarmed brides. "I know you both are virgins so you must be a little nervous. Don't worry I've had many lovers throughout the ages and can promise you an enjoyable wedding night."

Matthew once again tried to reason with an obviously deranged Yao, "China, Yao, listen to me! Don't do this! If you go through with this wedding plan of yours and drug Al and me, YOU ARE DECLARING WAR AGAINST US! Do you want to fight both of our people for one night of pleasure?"

China snorted again. "Canada there are two things you seem to be missing… one, you are both going to be _my brides, my wives_. Until death do you part? It'll be more than just one night of pleasure."

China raised his hand to stall Canada's next comment, "Listen, dove, your husband is not finished speaking yet." China waited as both Canada and America scowled at him. "The second thing you're missing is that I've 1.3 billion people—a conservative estimate that is smaller than how many I really have, but what we can use for now—as of America's own CIA estimates last July. You Canada have around 34 million and you America have around 313 million. Together that is a total of 344 million people. Now let's round a little bit to give you both 400 million people, not that you have that many but it makes the math simpler. I still have 1.3 BILLION, _three times the amount of people you both have together_."

China smirked at the gob-smacked looks on his dear brides faces. "Along with that, I've an oppressive communist government, as Alfred so likes to point out at meetings, which means if I want them all to work on military affairs… then all I've got to do is snap my fingers and—wham!—my people are churning out guns, tanks, airplanes, what-have you. You both on the other, while able to make the switch as Alfred showed in World War 2, would have a much harder and longer time of it." Yao's smirk had sharpened to the point of a razor. "There are some advantages to a government like mine my dearly beloved Alfred."

Canada and America could only stare in horror. This curse had so warped China's mind that he was honestly willing to declare war on them just so he could bed them. This curse was threatening global security! It made the twins sick to think of the consequences Titania's little game of lust would have on the world if she got what she wanted.

Another unknown voice choose that moment to cut in (the twins were beginning to notice that this happened regularly), "I apologize, elder brother, but you appear to have something that belongs to me."

All the Nations, who were still conscious of course, turned to the new voice and were shocked to see Japan standing there, holding his _katana_ at the ready. Japan turned his sword so that the sunlight flashed across the deadly sharp edge, "I will be taking my twins back with me now."

~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

America made a loud whining noise and started hitting his head against the mesh-netting. Each impact with accented with a soft "No" whimpering under his breath.

Canada looked at his brother, "What's with you?"

Alfred just shook his head, "I could take the wedding dress… I could take meeting my boss and your boss and the FUCKING Queen in a wedding dress… I could take being on the bottom when we were making out—"

China's eyes grew big and he whispered in a reverent tone, "…Making out?" He looked towards Japan who simply nodded with a dreamy, faraway look in his eyes.

"—I could take dancing in a bikini and high heels like a stripper who hasn't paid rent in a while… I could take being called a bride-to-be and a kitten… BUT THIS?" He gestured wildly with his left hand towards the Asian suitors. "I refuse to be BATTLED over like some… princess or whatever! I am THE HERO!"

America flung himself against the sides of his net with renewed vigor. "I'm done. I am not doing this anymore and I just don't care, I'm done."

Canada began another long-suffering sigh and tried to talk to his brother, "Alfred—"

"No! Stop it! Why the hell are you always sighing anyway? What have you got to sigh over anyway? Let's be frank, this is the most anyone outside of me has ever noticed you." After this declaration, Alfred crossed his arms and pouted.

Matthew was slack-jawed at the shear amount of prissy asshole that his brother was being. He looked confusedly at his brother before his eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened, "You did NOT just fucking go there." The Canadian was stressed and tired too, and was in no mood for one of his (younger though Al will never admit it) brother's hissy fits.

Alfred rolled his eyes, "Mattie please, no one cares about your hockey or your syrup and for the most part no one even remembers your name. So forgive me if I couldn't care less that I 'went there.'"

Matthew saw red. You could insult him, and you could even insult hockey (that was always the jealousy talking anyway and Matthew could forgive the other Nations their jealousy over not being the greatest at such a holy sport)… but _no one insulted the fucking syrup. No one._ Alfred was a dead man when Matthew got his hands on him.

With a guttural screech, Matthew lunged for his brother. With his fingers out-stretched ready to tear into flesh and bloodlust in his eyes, he was terrifying. In return Alfred bellowed a deep growl and thrust forward. With his teeth clenched and mouth pulled back in a sadistic snarl, the Southern Nation was just as frightening as his Northern twin. The impact of the two would be a gory, vicious meeting of Titans, evenly matched and driven to madness for the taste of first blood…

…Or, it would have been if the two hadn't forgotten they were in mesh nets.

What did end up occurring, were the two nets swinging a little harshly towards one another and allowing the combatants only enough room to get their arms through the mesh holes. Their fury, not to be deterred, had them sticking their arms through the holes and moving up and down in a futile attempt to injure their opponent. The effect looked akin to what two little boys who didn't know how to actually fight flinging their arms at their enemy while keeping their face and body as far away from said enemy as possible.

Then the nets swung back. Again, the twins flung themselves back at each other and only managed to flap their arms and hands at each other. The nets swing back, and repeat.

Both Asian Nations could only watch in awe and confused stupor as this sight occurred again and again and again. After, perhaps, ten swings of this "fight," it dawned on the older Nations that the younger twins were not going to be tiring or slowing any time soon.

Japan coughed into his hand, "Ah, dear elder brother… perhaps we should stop them so that our own epic battle for dominance and the right to claim the twins can commence?" Japan nodded to the side and China noticed that a young girl was with the Japanese ninja-pervert. It took a second for him to recognize the girl, but when he did the elder Nation gave a slight shout at the identification.

"Tibet? What are you doing here?"

The little girl snorted. She was actually quite cute. Her raven hair was in a short bob with a little baby blue barrette holding it back. She was dressed in a pink skirt and a bright green hoodie jacket with a neon yellow t-shirt. To top it all off, her sandals were a bright pumpkin orange. As her outfit insulted and blinded Yao's eyes, her nasally-high voice assaulted his ears, "I don't have to do anything you say! One day I'm going to be my own Nation and then you'll be sorry… stupid meanie-head!"

China simply put his head in his hands and whimpered. _Why? What had he done to deserve such siblings? First South Korea, then Hong Kong—because who knew what devilry that child comes up behind that expressionless face—and now Tibet? What had he done?_

His eyes, filled with pain and anguish, looked to Kiku—his brother's people may have committed atrocities against his during World War 2, but at least Kiku was somewhat sane—for some semblance of an answer.

Kiku took pity on his elder brother and gestured to the music box Tibet had next to her, "I thought that you might have already captured the twins and as such came prepared. I felt that it was only appropriate that we have battle music to emphasize such a dynamic duel between us. Hence, Tibet is here to play the music."

Yao thought this over. "That is… an incredible idea."

Kiku blushed minutely and bowed, "Thank you elder brother."

A screech of indignity was heard and the two Asians turned back to their booty prizes. It appeared the Canada had managed to grab on America's hair while America had a bite into Canada's other wrist. Tibet looked unimpressed, "_These_ are the guys you want to marry?"

China coughed into a hand and Japan managed to find a passing gnat incredibly interesting. The thought _did_occur to them. While the twins had always been lovely, there had never been this intense desire, no urge, no _need _to have the twins before. Now it was all the two Asian brothers could think about. And even as skeptical thoughts of "_Why?_" began to creep into their heads; the thoughts were quickly snuffed by an upsurge of lust that clouded such doubts.

China went over to the twins and began to untangle them. "My little brides stop this at once! You are both acting unseemly and are displeasing your husband." He managed to untangle them and only suffer a few bruises—a great accomplishment considering the effort the twins were putting into harming themselves and China—before pushing their nets far away from each other. He nodded with an air of satisfaction and turned his back on the twins, focusing his attention on his younger brother—the upstart who thought he could have _China's_ twins. His thoughts narrowed and sharpened as he thought about losing the gorgeous twins to Japan. So consumed in his thoughts of battle, victory, and the wedding night… he never noticed America pocket something in his hand.

China took his place across from Japan and began his formal speech that is mandatory before such a battle of love. "Younger brother, you have made a great mistake. These twins are not yours. Their sweet flesh and tender souls belong to me; I shall give you a chance to renounce your assumed claim before I am forced to defeat you in combat." China was pleased with his declaration. He gave himself a pat on the back for its formal nature and the solemn way he stated it. _Top that Japan_, he thought with a smirk.

Japan saw the smirk and raised China an eyebrow raise. "Dear Elder brother," he cooed with a silken smoothness that had China's guts twisting in envy, "I appreciate that you have also found yourself caught in the siren song of our twin beauties, but I found them before you. They are mine by first rights. They were never yours, and will never be yours."

China was furious. Japan had managed to out-cool him with his smooth tenor and calm, stoic face. China almost succumbed right at that moment. It was disheartening to have your little brother—the little brother whose diapers you changed for Buddha's sake—out-cool you, but China rallied with a memory of the sensual skin he had felt under his fingertips not even ten minutes ago. There was no way he was going to lose the twins!

China closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He looked Japan dead in the eye with a steady stare, "Well… it appears we have no choice then." As Yao said this, his body was already shifting. His back leg slide out from under him and his front leg was held straight till his back leg was out and bent at the knee and his front was long and at an acute angle to the ground. His arms were held loose in front of him, muscles at the ready to strike as soon as he willed it.

Kiku had not been idle during his brother's statement either. His sword handle had been lowered to be in front of his body while the tip was held up and slightly to the right of his face—ready to slash his opponent to bloody bits. All his body was held still and steady, just as ready to strike as the coiled viper that his brother imitated. "I fear not. Our words hold no meaning. Come, brother. Meet your death at my sword."

The battle began. Tibet, bored with these shenanigans, hit the play button on the music box. "Requiem for a Dream" began to soar and cry through the fading daylight.

The movements were fast and deadly. China kicked with his right foot, Japan dodged the kick that would have taken his head off. Japan retaliated by thrusting forward with his sword, only to meet a hidden knife in China's hand. China's smirk at the knife trick was only on for a second before disappearing as he tilted his head back to miss the ninja star Japan had thrown. _Where the hell did he hide that?_ Yao thought as he ducked and threw another hidden knife, dripping in poison, at his brother, _his clothes are WAY too fitted to hide such things!_

Any further line of inquiry into his brother's uncanny ability to hide items of any shape or size in fitted clothing was placed on hold as dirt was kicked into Yao's eyes. Yao cursed and jumped back. "I see you have to resort to cheap tricks to defeat me?" Again, Yao gave himself an internal pat on the back. His during-battle banter was legendary. He bet Japan couldn't top that witty quip!

Japan simply replied, "I learned it all from you dear brother." Damn it! Japan still managed to be cool. Gah! He would win this battle of banter… oh, and the battle for his brides too, of course.

A shrill scream stopped the Asian brothers in their tracks. They turned to find Tibet had turned off the music—really? Could she not see that it wasn't a true epic battle if epic music was not played?—and was bawling her eyes out. Seriously, it wasn't a dainty little sniffle with cute tears coming out and making her look cuter. No, this was the serious and gross type of crying that has a bunch of tears coming out of the eyes and mixing in with the snot that is coming out of the nose like water out of a fire hose and just dripping off the face… it was enough to make anyone gag. China quickly tried to stop the disgusting display but was rebuffed by another high-pitched screech/sob coming out of Tibet's mouth.

Tibet sobbed, "W-why a-are you fighting-g (hic, sniff) o-over those guys? Y-y-you are b-brothers! You should be (blows nose on sleeve, at this point China and Japan had to physically swallow the bile that had forced its way up their throats in disgust at Tibet's action) a-at least fighting over-r something t-that matters! Like, like, uh… the RAPE OF NANKING!"

China shook his head, "Tibet, Japan, no Kiku, has deep feelings of regret over such a horrible event and I would be a terrible brother to bring such a dark moment in his past up." China turned to look at his younger brother with a gentle smile filled with forgiveness and serenity. The Rape of Nanking had been a painful, horrid mark upon their relationship but Yao loved his younger brother very much and was willing to let the past go.

The serene smile quickly developed a tick in the upper corner as Yao watched Kiku, no Japan, feign disinterest and inspect his nails. The serene smile completely frayed (as did China's immaculate hair from its carefully held place in his ponytail) when _Japan_ stated, "Tibet, the Rape of Nanking never happened. That event is a lie, and I deny its existence."

China snapped, "WHAT?"

Japan found a fluttering gnat to again be a subject of deep interest and studied it in detail. "The supposed 'Rape of Nanking' never happened."

China twitched, "You are dead to me."

Japan shrugged, "Well it is not my fault that you choose to propagate lies… just like it is not MY fault that your Hello Kitty doll is stupid."

China stilled and spoke in a very quiet voice, "…care to say that again?"

Japan looked China with a bored look, "It you followed copyright law you could have a nice, mint condition Hello Kitty doll instead of the ratty (China flinched as if smacked), cheap (China made a sound that was a cross between a dying gurgle and a snarl), and ugly (China just about roared like his dragon boss when said dragon boss found out that _Firefly_ was cancelled) Hello Kitty doll."

China was shaking with rage. _The Nerve! The Gall! How dare that tiny little island bastard son-of-a-bitch!_ China would make him pay! But how? China stilled and smiled. Yao knew just the place to hit to make his shitty brother cry.

A smirk appeared on Yao's face, "I see if you feel so strongly about the copyright laws then I will try to abide by them, of course to do so I will need to generate more income. I guess the best way to do that would be… (the smirk deepened at this point) to raise food prices on my exports to Japan."

Japan's sword cluttered from his bloodless fingers. It hit the ground with a metallic bang as Japan shook, "How dare you! _HOW DARE YOU RAISE THE PRICE OF EGGS AND OTHER FOODSTUFFS?"_ With this impassioned battle cry Japan leapt at China.

The two hit the ground and a huge dust cloud surrounded them as inarticulate screams and curses could be heard within.

Tibet looked on with pity at the idiotic and juvenile mindsets her older brothers had been cursed with and sent a quick prayer to the Goddess of Mercy that they be stroke by lightening and thus would no longer suffer from their incurable stupidity. After this prayer, her keen ears picked up a rustling noise and she looked over her shoulder to find the nets that were holding the Westerns captive to have been cut through and the captives gone.

~~~~~~BREAK~~IN~~THE~~~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tibet followed the sound and path the captives made to find the brothers carrying the sleeping Prussian as they climbed into a plane. Blue eyed blonde was shifting white hair guy and grinning at purple eyed blonde.

Blue-eyed blonde laughed, "Man, Mattie, got to love being twins. We totally had China and Japan fooled into thinking we were actually fighting!"

Purple smiled back and said, "But how did you know that China had knives on him?"

Blue, "Ah, after I saw him pull the syringe out of nowhere I remember how China and I got stuck together for awhile back on Seychelles' island during World War 2 and I showed him my "Hide-junk-food-in-shirt-so-it-can't-be-found" trick. He mentioned that the trick would work better with weapons and I was all like, 'But you would need to wear really baggy clothes cause otherwise you would stab yourself or something!'" Blue-eyes smirked. "Seeing the syringe up his sleeve… I knew he would have some knives and all I it would take would be a distraction to get him close enough to pickpocket. Then while he and Japan had their bitch fight, we could escape!"

Purple smiles, "Sometimes you really are amazing Al."

She ran up to them and yelled, "Hey! Where are you going? And what did you do to make my brothers even dumber than usual?"

The twins were so startled they dropped the sleeping Prussian with a thud and stared at the little girl. She stared back. They stared more. She upped her stare with crossed arms. They continued to look blankly at her. Finally she uncrossed her arms and shook her head; boys were all SO dumb.

She tried again to talk to them. She spoke each word carefully and slowly, "What (pause) did (pause) you (pause and this accompanied with a point to both of them, she felt gestures might help) do (pause) to (pause) my (pause and pointed to herself) brothers (at this she pointed to where her brothers where)?" Strangely, the twins looked annoyed. She just shook her head again, even when she tried to help people got mad at her. What is everyone's deal?

Finally the blonde with purple eyes said, "Look, a curse has been placed on the male Nations to make them want to... marry—yeah let's go with that—me and Al. We are trying to stop it, but it will take a little while. But once we do, they will be back to normal."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, whatever. But why are they acting so weird?"

The other one just looked at her confused, "We just told you why…"

She shook her head again. Why did she have to deal with idiots? "No! I understand that! I mean why are they speaking so funny?" Twin looks of confusion, she was just cursed to deal with idiots. "Big brother Yao went for over five minutes without saying 'aru' AND Big brother Kiku didn't have any problem speaking English, even though, he has a problem saying words with the letter 'L' in them. Why?" The looks of confusion were gone only to be replaced with looks of concern.

The blue-eyed blonde turned to Mr. Purple, "She's right Mattie. The only time Yao said 'aru' was in the very beginning AND he was willing to risk nuclear war… things are worse than we thought."

Blue-eyes turned towards her and knelt, "Don't worry. We're heroes, and we will fix everything."

Then he, his brother, and the white-hair got in the plane and flew off. Tibet hoped he was right. She was deeply spiritual and connected to the spirits and the earth. She could feel it rippling and bubbling and hissing like an angry pot about to boil over. The feeling made her sick to her stomach.

_Please, Buddha. Watch over them. I feel as though they may be this world's only hope…_

~~~~~DONE~~~DONE~~~~DONE~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scary foreshadowing for you all! Oh, dear lord this chapter was a beast! It didn't want to get written and I was, like, on my knees begging for it and then America was all… "Hey fake fight between me and Mattie so I can pickpocket China for a knife and we can escape!" And I was, "Uh… um, okay?" And then it got written. True story.

How many of you figured out that they were play-acting by the way? And if you figured out that they were play-acting, when? Be truthful in your reviews please! Now to thank some wonderful reviewers:

Catgirl963: Thank you for being super patient with me. I know I took awhile to update, but here is the next chapter. Congratulations on being correct, you are awesome and I think I did a good job of getting the twins free from their trap, do you agree? I hope you continue to love my story and that is continues to entertain. Thank you for being a great reviewer! I send you an internet heart!

Guest(7/17/12): I am glad you enjoy this story. Thank you for reviewing and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. Please continue to read and enjoy!

Guest (7/18/12): Loki, Puck, Manabozho, and Sun all battle constantly for the title. It makes everyone else very miserable as they are often pwned and trolled as collateral damage. Al does have Marvel/DC stuff… but he keeps it under tight wraps because he believes that people will use it for evil. With great power comes great responsibility… Alfred lives by that. Thank you so much for reviewing. I hope you enjoy more of the story! Please continue to read some more!

Love You: Thank you! Warning it will get more twin molesting in the future as the curse gets worse. I hope you continue to read and enjoy though!

Love you all so much,

91REDROSES


	9. In Which Blogs Cause Problems

Chapter 8: In Which Prussia Learns Not to Check His Blog around Canada

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Hetalia related except one DVD. But that is all. So if you sue me you will get nothing. So leave me alone. Unless you want to send me love, then you can bug me.

~~~~~HERE~~~WE~~~~GO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alfred checked out the instruments on his plane's panel. He gave a huge sigh of relief and tried to straighten his stiff neck. Next to him, Mattie gave him a sympathetic smile and clicked his own neck back into alignment. Matthew had been pouring over the list of magical items as well as calculating how many days the twins and Gil had left before their month was over.

From Matthew's grim look it wasn't good. "How are we doing Matt?"

Matthew flinched and sighed, "We have twenty-three days left."

Alfred chocked on his tongue, "WHAT? How did we already lose five days? We only have two of the seven artifacts and we have twenty-three days left. Just great."

Matthew just looked tired, "Well the spell had already started by the time we had figured out what to do, and then with international travel, time always becomes really screwy… and then there was the delay because _someone_ just HAD to get 'suitable beer' for the trip and wouldn't let us leave until that _someone_was satisfied."

A grunt was heard from the back of the plane. "My awesomeness needs beer to survive! You both should be thanking my awesome self. If I hadn't made sure we were stocked up properly we would have been stuck drinking the totally NOT awesome horse-spit that America calls beer."

America's grip tightened on the wheel of the plane and he began to open his mouth to defend his ("totally heroic, super great, freaking perfect") beer. Matthew laid a warning touch on his twin's arm and Alfred let out his held breath in a huff and a glare.

Matthew tried again to defend his poor, besieged brain from another migraine assault and continued his explanation in a calm voice, "Be that as it may Gilbert, we lost time because of the little diversion. Now we have to get to Russia's house without being discovered. And I've done the math on the miles it will take to get to his house flying at such a low latitude across such a vast land… we will be lucky to have nineteen days after this stop."

Alfred grunted, "Not to mention the weather is fucking picking up. I hope we don't have to do any emergency landings. In this small a plane, the landings could do some damage."

Gilbert would not let up. Apparently waking up from a drugged sleep left the Prussian crabby and twice as irritating, "Yeah, and why are we doing that again? Wouldn't it be easier to just fly fast and high over to his house, grab the whatever, and book it?"

Matthew looked to his twin for help. Alfred nodded and spoke up, "We are flying like this for the same reason that we can't have our cells, radios, or what-not on. Russia has mad security still from the Cold War. His security would spot us if we flew too high and it can pick on the signals of electronic devices. We do not need to be doing an aerial battle with Russia while simultaneously trying to sneak into his house to steal the bowl thing."

Matthew just groaned and rested his head back against his seat back, "It the Flying Mortar belonging to the Oldest and Most Powerful of all the Baba Yaga, Al. That is a little more prestigious than a 'bowl thing.'" _Why couldn't I have been an only child?_ Matthew thought with despair. It was not a new thought, but it was always heartfelt.

Alfred nodded in complete and total understanding. That meant the American had absolutely no understanding of the topic.

Prussia spoke up again, "And what is a Baba Yaga again?"

Canada was confused, "Um, Gil you lived with Russia for about fifty years… how can you NOT know what a Baba Yaga is? They are a type of witch—"

Prussia let out a yawn, "Oh wait! I remember! I don't give a shit about the Baba thing."

Canada twitched at the interruption and just to spite the albino, he continued, "A witch that lives in a hut with long chicken legs coming out of it, tends to kidnap and probably eat small children, and shows up in numerous Slavic folktales. The mortar is what they use to fly, like how our witches supposedly used brooms to fly."

America looked freaked out, "What? They eat kids? Not cool! Why would Russia have such a nasty thing in his house?"

Another comment was mumbled from the back of plane (aka the peanut gallery), "It is because he is a creepy and insane motherfucker."

Matthew's grip on his work tightened and he quickly counted to ten. Then did it a second time, before counting one more time… just to make sure he was calm. He then answered, "Most likely it was used as a hostage item against the Head Baba Yaga back in the Tsar days, and once his Revolution happened during World War 1, he probably kept it hidden so it wouldn't be destroyed by later leaders as a sign of reactionary tendencies."

America looked like he was chewing on the hypothesis, while Prussia just grunted and snorted again. "Or it is because he is a creepy and insane motherfucker. And since the fucking bastard IS a creepy and insane motherfucker, the awesome me is right and you are being not awesome Birdie. As penalty, you should get the awesome me an awesome sandwich." This was said with the declaration of a god talking down to the lowest of the human race and said lowly scum should just be grateful and awed to be spoken at by such an almighty being.

Canada ripped the paper in his hands and tried to steady his breathing. Killing the Prussian bastard won't help, it would just make things more difficult on them. Stay calm, think peaceful thoughts. Pancakes! Maple Syrup! _But, oh! Wouldn't it be sweet?_ A more violent part of him whispered. _Just a little chocking and beating won't hurt him too bad… in fact the pain would probably help him, somehow. And it would only be a little, tiny bit of chocking. No damage done!_ His thoughts were definitely not peaceful or calm.

America made a sound a distress, "Damn the weather is kicking up. I'm surprised. They shouldn't be getting this kind of weather, this time of year especially, here. Something is not right…"

Gilbert started laughing, "Don't tell me our little pilot is worried that he is not awesome enough to fly in a little snow."

Matthew had had enough. He turned around in his seat (buckled safely because Al was such a stickler for correct safe procedures in his planes) and opened his mouth to let the obnoxious Prussian have it, "Listen you hoser, I am getting really sick of your attitude! What is your… problem… and attitude—"

Matthew's angry interrogation sputtered off as he stared, wide-eyed, at the albino.

Said albino sighed and shifted in his seat, "Look the awesome me made a promise to never set foot in that godforsaken, frozen hellhole after I got out. So going back is totally not awesome because not only am I going back on my awesome self's promise to my awesome self, but also because the country is so not awesome anyway that it just pisses my awesomeness off!"

Matthew shook his head to clear it from the excessive abuse of the word "awesome." Once that was done he tried to speak.

"That wasn't what… I'm not really concerned with that anymore; I'm more worried about what you are doing on a COMPUTER while we are trying to sneak into Russia."

Next to him, Alfred went dead still and asked in a quiet voice, "Gil, for the love of all that is holy and hamburgers in the world, please tell me you were not surfing the net on your laptop."

Prussia waved them off, "Of course the King of Awesomeness that is me wasn't surfing the net—"

The twins let a sigh of relief escape.

"—the awesome me was just updating my awesome online blog."

Silence. Matthew's jaw dropped in utter amazement. Alfred's face became blank before settling into the bleak resignation of a person denied pardon from his execution and was hearing the executioner move into place.

"Well, we are fucked." Alfred said it with almost a sigh. Just as the words passed his lips, the plane went crazy.

Lights started flashing. The plane trembled and rocked back and forth. A ghostly figure appeared before the windshield. It was an older man dressed in a long coat with a flapping, tattered cape. On top of his unruly, powder snow-white hair was a helmet with a single spike jutting out. His moustache twitched over his thin lips in what could have been a smile before blinking away.

A computerized, pleasant sounding female voice rang out throw the little plane, "_WARNING! WARNING! ICE DAMAGE TO LEFT AND RIGHT WINGS HAS CAUSED SEVERE DROP IN AERODYANMIC CAPABALITIES! PLEASE LAND AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! REPEAT: WARNING! WARNING!—_"

Matthew exploded, "GODDAMNIT GILBERT! YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!"

Gilbert blinked, "What?"

Alfred grabbed the controls, "Guys, this is not the time… _Mattie, stay in your seat damn it!_"

"YOU… YOU GOT ON YOUR BLOG! AND FUCKING LET THE RUSSIANS KNOW—"

"—_TO LEFT AND RIGHT WINGS HAS CAUSED SEVERE—_"

It was at this point that Canada made a grab for the offending laptop on the albino's lap. This caused Gilbert to join in the yelling and chaos. He swore and shouted, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY LAPTOP? STOP IT DUMKOFT!"

"I WILL DESTROY THIS LAPTOP—"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"_REPEAT: WARNING! WARN—_"

"THAT WAS THE PLAN, YOU FUCKING ALBINO PRICK!"

"Guys! Please calm down! I'm having a hard enough time flying—"

"WHAT DID IT EVER DO TO YOU?"

"_ICE DAMAGE TO LEFT—_"

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU CHECK YOUR BLOG? WE TOLD YOU NO CELLPHONES!"

"IT IS NOT A CELLPHONE YOU STUPID CANADIAN!"

"DEAR GOD! HOW STUPID ARE YOU—"

"Guys we are going to crash land so sit THE FUCK DOWN!"

"_SEVERE DROP IN AERODYNAMIC—"_

The plane hit the ground with a bang and a screech of steel. The passengers were knocked about from the force and sent into unconscious. Miraculously the laptop that had betrayed the trio's location was unscathed. When Matthew would later find it unharmed, he would forever use it as proof that the universe absolutely hated him and that he would one day have his revenge on Murphy and the universe.

~~~~BREAK~~~FOR~~~A~~~SECOND~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General Winter surveyed the crash site. The three Nations were alive but the cold temperatures would soon stop that. He reached a hand into the air and sent a beacon to his little Vanya's sisters. They would be by soon enough to collect the necessary Nations. He shifted his ghostly shoulders under his tattered old coat and cape. His job was done. He had brought down his Vanya's twins from the sky and had them unconscious, ready for transport.

As for the white hair… well, who knew his fate? Maybe he would get taken or maybe he would be left to die in the snow, his life a sacrifice to the General.

The General's lips twitched. No matter what, his Vanya would be happy soon. And that is all the General Winter, ruler of ice and cold, cared about.

~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Natalia was in conflict. It was something that didn't happen often. There were many things other Nations said about the Belarusian Beauty. Bat-shit insane, violent, intimating, sinful, stalker, horrid, brutal, and a class A-bitch were such loving epitaphs that had been bestowed upon her. But if there was one thing that no one had ever disagreed about it was that Natalia Arlovskaya was resolute.

Which is why her feelings of conflict settled deep in her gut and twisted like a snake.

BONG! BONG!

Belarus's eye twitched and her hand tightened on her knife.

BONG! BONG!

It didn't help…

BONG! BONG!

That every time she tried to make sense of her thoughts and feelings…

BONG! BONG!

HER SISTER'S DAMN BREASTS WOULD INTERRUPT HER THOUGHTS!

Ukraine blinked at the sound of a suppressed scream emitting from her sister's throat. The busty woman was nervous. Her younger sister was agitated and nothing good ever came of that.

"Natasha, what is wrong?"

Belarus grunted and scowled, "I feel like… this is wrong. I, I am big brother's bride! Why does he want these North Americans?"

Ukraine looked at her with pity, "Remember sister, we want this, too. Brother will marry you…" _Or one of us, maybe—hopefully—me_, Ukraine thought, "But he will have his twins to sate him. Is there any other Nation in the world who deserves them MORE than our dear Ivan? After everything Ivan has been through, Natasha," Ukraine grabbed her sister's arms and gently shook her, "He deserves this."

With that, and a final BONG noise Ukraine stomped off to where the boys had been forced to land by General Winter.

Belarus starred after her sister. A soft voice whispered in a corner of her mind that Ukraine was right and the Belarus wanted dear big brother to be happy and that the twins would make him very happy. But the whisper wasn't alone. There were other feelings, other thoughts that argued with the sweet, soft whisper.

The part of her that needed Ivan like a fish out of water needed to be home under the cool liquid again. It was vital that she be with him forever. For her sanity, for her lungs to breathe, for all the human bits to remain human and not… not to end like all the other dead Nations, she needed Ivan.

Belarus knew why some Nations stopped existing and others continued. It was the balance between human and Nation. If the human part lost to the Nation part then the Nation would crumble into dust, the skin losing its feeling of life to be replaced by dirt. Belarus knew this because _she_ remembered her mother dying because, unlike Ivan or Ukraine who had forgotten, _she_ watched her mother die.

In her mother's death, Belarus found out that every Nation needed something to ground the human side to reality because without it, the Nation crumbled back into the earth. Ivan was what Belarus had chosen to place all of her humanity in. That is why she needed brother with her, why she was jealous of other Nations who would take him away, and why she would marry him someday.

But another part argued that, while Ivan was her main tether to reality, he was no longer her only tether. She had other human interests.

(During her introspection her feet were walking, carrying her to the crash site.)

She looked up and saw the crash site. She saw the three Nations, the twins her brother coveted. Yes, her other human interests… they all revolved around the twins, especially Alfred. After the fall of the Soviet Union, she had been placed in his care. The other Nations were too frightened of her "mental instability and penchant for violence" to house her while she recovered so He volunteered.

It wasn't easy but slowly she warmed up to the sunny nation. Strangely enough it was because they bonded over soap operas and music. They both liked rock music and (embarrassingly) they both liked the sappy, somewhat clichéd and sometimes groan worthy soap operas. He became her _friend_. He gave her other interests and she owed him for that. So why was she here, helping to make him into a sex slave for her brother?

NO! This was wrong. She listened carefully but couldn't hear her sister's breasts anywhere nearby. Natalia had enough time and energy… she could hide the crash site, confuse Ukraine and keep the twins safe until they woke-up. Then she would get them out…

A hand touched her shoulder that did not belong to Ukraine.

She stiffened and tried to reach her knives but found she couldn't move. She couldn't make a sound. She couldn't do anything.

"Hush now my dear." The voice was soft and reminded Belarus of a spring's day. "Your brother wants this and you know you want to make him happy. Besides, the twins want it too. They just don't know it yet. They don't understand what they are missing. That is why you need to be a good friend and sister and call Ukraine over here."

Belarus opened her mouth to tell the voice and hand to fuck off, "Sister! Come quickly, I have found them. We can go now." No!

She heard the bouncing coming… and as the last of her conflict faded away the last thought was _I'm so sorry Alfred._

BONG! BONG!

Ukraine smiled at her sister. "I'm glad you found them Natasha! Let's gather them up."

Belarus nodded, "Yes… leave the Prussian though. Only big brother gets to be with the twins. Let the albino swine die in the snow."

Ukraine frowned for a second. That seemed cruel, but Natalia was right. Only Ivan got to have the twins. She picked up one while Natalia grabbed the other. "I will summon General Winter to take us home then! GENERAL!" A snowy wind blew up around them and the sisters disappeared back to Moscow with their cargo. Alone, left behind, was only a Prussian and an enchanted bag next to a destroyed plane.

~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Puck sighed as he looked over the unconscious albino Nation. His mistress would not be pleased at him for defying her like this. But Oberon's orders were clear; the twins were to succeed in breaking the curse. While normally the fae couldn't get a rat's ass about the mortals… Puck looked and grimaced at the crack in reality that was to the side of the fallen ex-Nation.

This spell of hers was destroying more than she had planned for. You couldn't really do a spell that touches the Nations in such a way. They weren't like normal mortals, they were supernatural creatures that represented such much more and to craft this spell had required so much energy and was changing too much. It was ripping the universe apart.

But Titania would not be reasoned with. She was in too deep. So Oberon had to quietly try and assist the twins. Hence the reason some Nations, like the Prussian and Belarusian, were less effected through crafty loopholes in the spell.

Puck had to save the albino and get him to the twins. He quickly gathered the Prussian and the enchanted bag and cast a transport spell. He reappeared outside of Moscow. He dropped the Prussian with a note on where to find the twins and a new plane to travel with. That is all he could do for the moment. He sighed and vanished back to the fairy realm.

~~~~~~~THE~~~END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh my. A shorter chapter tis true, but my beta and friend ASHYNARR and friend NARUKO UZU suggested that a couple of shorter chapters that get updated a little faster would be more fun for you guys. So please enjoy! The next chapter is coming up soon and it will be darker. I am sorry in advance but it will not be as humorous. To be honest, I don't feel like this one was that funny either… but it will not be as bad as the next one.

Now to my guest reviewers!

CATGIRL963: Again you give me such nice words and I am not worthy! It fills me with happiness to hear what you thought of the chapter and that you liked it so much. I'm glad that you enjoyed the way the twins escaped the trap and I'm glad you have such faith in their cleverness. They will need all the help they can get soon. Thank you so much! I AM NOT WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE!

GUEST(7/23/12): KLASDFJKJSDFKLJDFSALKJ! Thank you for thinking my story is awesome. I think you are awesome! Thanks for leaving a review! I really am glad that you cared enough to review my story. It means a whole lot to me. I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

EMIMPUNK: We all have days when we feel too lazy to log in. I'm so happy that you loved China and Japan! It was really fun to write them and their interaction and how they wanted to have an epic battle so they got Tibet to play epic music for them… it was so much fun to write! As for what the other Nations are going to do… well, you will just have to read to find out, no? Thanks for reviewing!

MUCH LOVE,

91REDROSES


	10. In Which a Bridge Burns in Russia

Chapter 9: In Which Belarus Burns Bridges and Prussia has a Bad Day

Disclaimer: I do not own the Hetalia characters. I do not own Cement either, that belongs to Fyodor Vasilievich Gladkov (not that I would want to because, frankly, it is an awful novel) and I don't own the poem, "Once Again, Once Again," that belongs to Velemir Khlebnikov. I am just borrowing them for references. Also, I don't own Charles Dickens, he is dead and a person so… no. Don't own him. The plot is adopted from ASHYNARR. I am only the humble messenger of my muse… Please enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~THUS~~~BEGINS~~~~THE~~~SHOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prussia woke up with leaves poking his face. He was stiff and in pain and very confused. He looked over to the right and saw a folded piece of paper. He opened it up and began to read:

"_Dear__Stupid__White-Haired Guy_

_Congratulations! You have so far failed in your only objective: keeping the Twins safe. Due to your stupidity, you have gotten them captured by the Russian Giant and taken to his house. Now you MUST save them, I cannot explain everything, but it is imperative the curse be broken by the Twins. As their supposed paladin and knight it was YOUR job to help them… you apparently suck at this._

_Never fear! You can still save the Twins before they are raped. They must be kept chaste! As you know, a curse was placed upon the Nations to make them feel a lust that would drive them to madness, what you don't know is that the curse is ripping reality to shreds. The energy that was required to turn the Nations into creatures of base lust with no higher purpose is draining the magic woven into the worlds. Note: I said "worlds," I did not write this because our kind care about the mortal realm, I am helping you because the magic that held all the realms stable is coming out, like pulling an errant thread and unraveling the whole quilt. The longer the curse lasts, the more magic gets drained, the more the thread unravels the quilt that holds the realms. THIS IS BAD YOU IDIOT!_

_Now, if that is the case, why don't the spirits just offer the Twins to the first male Nation that comes for them? Well, you gigantic foolish person, Queen Titania's wording in the curse was a little off. Simply offering up the Twins won't work because all the Nations would still be compelled by the curse to go after them. Again, in plain and simple words: The curse will not end even if the Twins are bedded. This would continue to cause a drain on the magic, see problem in chapter above. If your memory is as bad as I think it is, you may wish to read that chapter again. I will wait._

_Done? Good._

_Now, there is hope. As you have noticed, you are not as badly affected as other Nations. That is because there were loopholes in the spell… there are three types of Nations that will be able to resist the curse: one, Nations that hold land in either Canada or America; you have land in both of the countries, you fall under this loophole. The second, Nations that have already have an obsession with another Nation. This conflict in obsession pulls the Nation and keeps them "balanced" for lack of a better term. The third, if one Nation has a pure love for another Nation. Yes, it is clichéd, but there is a reason mortals always go on and on about "true love," it is a powerful force._

_There, now that I have explained the need to save the Twins… save them! You make have fucked it up already but you can still try to the best of your limited abilities to fix it._

_I doubt it and think we are all doomed, but that is just me._

_Good luck you fucking idiot, you need it._

_Yours Truly,_

_Puck_

Prussia's eye twitched. When this mess was over he was going to find this unawesome guy and fuck his shit up. But for now….

Prussia stood tall and looked over the city of Moscow till his eyes landed on Russia's house. The house that gave him scars that he still bore and had done its best to crush him. The worst part of his life had been spent in that house.

However, Prussia was the most Awesome Nation out there. He was a Knight. He would protect his princesses and succeed! FOR HE WAS THE MOST AWESOME EVER!

~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~RESCUE~ATTEMPT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

America came to in a darkened room. His arms and legs were bound spread eagle to what looked like the posts of a bed. A red flag of alarm blared through his thoughts. _Oh, crap. That is a real bad sign._ He tried to tug on his bounds and found that they held. Another flag of alarm raced through him. Finally, as he shifted, he noted that his clothes were pretty much all gone except… for what felt like… an apron? He lifted his head to look down as much as he could. Yep, he only wore a red apron that barely covered his privates. The final red flag was raised. He was fucked.

He heard groaning. Looking over to the wall he saw his brother chained up as well. His brother was wearing a little Bo-Peep costume. America groaned. What was with all the other Nations and their fucking need to dress him and his brother up in these stupid costumes? What kind of sick fetish people were these guys?

Mattie shook his head in an obvious attempt to clear that last remains of fog. He looked around, at Alfred chained to the bed, at his own "wardrobe" selection, and whimpered, "Well, we are officially screwed. Both literally and figuratively, my dearest twin."

America flashed him a—somewhat strained—smile, "I know it looks bad-" Canada snorted "-but we just need to stall Russia long enough to have Prussia save us or we figure out a way to free ourselves."

Canada looked skeptical, "Stall Russia? Al, if he is even a quarter of a way as horny as any of the other Nations, the only stalling may come from him needing to re-lube between us and rounds."

America gave his twin a stern look, "Look Mattie I know it seems helpless, but we can't go quietly. I spent nearly fifty years getting into Russia's head and studying him. I know the guy. I know how to stall him; you just got to trust me."

A bouncing noise drew his attention to the front. Ukraine stood in the opened door. "O-oh. You are awake, America. And you as well, Canada? Wonderful!"

"Ukraine! I am so glad to see you! Please, you have got to get me and my brother out of here!" America was happy to see Ukraine; she was someone who tried to constantly push for her independence from Russia and often relied on his help. Not to mention, she was a kind soul… Ukraine would never want to see someone raped if she could have prevented it. She would be sure to help them!

She looked confused, "Why would I do that?"

Now he was pretty sure he looked confused, "Because my brother and I are being held against our wills and about to be raped by your brother?" Was it that hard to guess what was going on here? You think the costumes and bed and chains would be enough of a clue.

Ukraine laughed and her breasts made loud bouncing sounds. The shirt she was wearing trembled with the effort to keep the 'vast tracks of land' contained, "Silly America! I know why you are here! Natalia and I brought you here to satisfy our brother. I must go get him to let him know you are awake and ready for some fun!"

She ran off and BONG noises from her breasts could be heard for a little while longer after her departure. _Damn but her tits are big. I wonder if it hurts to always have them bouncing around like that. It can't be comfortable…_the musings distracted the American for a second before he once again tried to break free. After a few moments he gave up with a depressed chuckle. Of course that Russian commie would still have chains that were made from a special alloy that even gave HIM trouble to destroy. Lord knows America still had… items that could contain the Russian if said Russian were to ever fall into his grasps.

"Will you look at that lovely sight, dear sisters. My twin prizes, all trussed up and ready for me to sample their goods." America scowled at the childish voice. His once greatest enemy calmly walked into the room with eyes filled with demonic lusts. It took all his willpower to keep from gulping or showing other signs of fear.

America growled, "Bastard! Making your sisters capture us, what the hell is wrong with you?" America jumped when he felt one of Russia's hands stroking his naked calf, slowly inching upwards.

Russia chuckled, "They volunteered for the mission, my dear Alfred. They wanted to get you and your brother for me…" The giant turned to his sisters and smiled, "In fact, why don't you both watch me stake my claim? This is a day of victory for all of us! I want you to share in my spoils."

Ukraine brightened and bounced out of the room calling, "I will get two chairs!"

Belarus just seemed uneasy. America pounced on the weakest link.

America shouted at Belarus as his panic increased from the Russian's continued questing hands, "Bela—Natalia! Why do you want your big brother to soil himself on me and my brother? His purity belongs to you as his rightful bride! Don't let him make this mistake!"

America yelped as Russia pinched his side, "Bad Alfred, my little sister knows better than to interfere. She wants me to be happy and she knows how happy I am to finally have you and your brother."

America squirmed some more as the questing hands started to get to places where they weren't supposed to be. America tried again, "Natalia please!" He hadn't missed that look of confusion and helplessness in her eyes for a second.

Belarus gulped; she couldn't let this continue, "Big brother, you want this to be a triumph, but I… I do not like how frightened the twins are. You are so robust and handsome; perhaps you can seduce them into the mood?"

Russia blinked in confusion and stopped his questing hands, "Get into the mood?"

Canada spoke up bringing attention to himself, "YES! Ah, like roses, candlelight dinner, poetry… you know, set the mood. This is your moment! Don't you want to savor it by knowing we yearn for you as you yearn for us?"

Russia still looked just a little unsure, so America dove in for the kill, "Not that you could make this romantic even if you wanted too… stupid commie."

That did it. America always knew how to press Russia's buttons. The Russian glared and stomped out of the room, nearly toppling Ukraine.

The bouncy, busty Nation blinked in confusion and looked at Natalia, "Where is brother going?"

Natalia pulled one of the chairs up and made herself comfortable. "Big brother is going to be reciting poetry to get his twins in the mood."

Ukraine just blinked and said, "Eh?"

America and Canada shared a look, keeping the Russian stalled was going to be easier than they thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~SCENE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prussia grumbled. He was not as young as he used to be and sneaking through Moscow was not a cake walk. However, he was still the most Awesome Nation to have ever lived; he could do it no problem!

He grunted and sneaked into an open window. He decided going through abandoned houses would be the quickest way to get through the city to Russia's house. All of a sudden the lights in the abandoned building lit up. Prussia stared at the group of young teenage girls in stages of undress. His eyes flicked up and he nearly whimpered when he read the sign. Great, he had stumbled into the back stage dressing room for a ballet company. As the girls started to scream, and Prussia quickly tried running away—chased by angry fathers who had come back to see what the fuss was about—cursing his luck.

What had he done to deserve this?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~CHASE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Russia cleared his throat as he began on his tenth love poem (although America was really skeptical that they were actual love poems at this point). The Russian's childish voice carried the words into his ears:

_Once again, once again,_

_I'm for you_

_A star._

_Woe to the sailor who sets_

_His ship on a wrong course_

_By a star:_

_He will break up on the rocks,_

_On an underwater sandbar._

_Woe then to you when you set_

_Your heart on a wrong course by me:_

_You will break up on the rocks,_

_And the rocks will laugh long_

_At you,_

_As you laughed long_

_At me._

"That beauty was by Velemir Khlebnikov, I hope you can appreciate its tale of love and its treachery… for some reason you have disliked every poem I have read to you." Russia said this in almost a pout.

America scowled, "That is because you are supposed to be talking about how great love is! Not about all the bad stuff, you are trying to romance Mattie and me… stupid commie."

Russia slammed the poetry book shut with a growl, "Well, if you feel that way… perhaps it is time for the main event." His usual childish smile was stretched thin with annoyance and lust.

America sputtered and tried to back-track, but Russia was already approaching with hands up and ready to grasp and snatch and tear and grope. Belarus' voice stopped him, "Wait Big Brother! What about Cement?"

Everyone but Russia looked at her with confusion. She nervously licked her lips, took a breath and continued, "I know you always wanted to educate him to the beauty of Socialist Realism in artwork, Cement was the top of all Socialist Realism in literature. Read it to him."

Russia looked torn between his lust and his ego. He wanted the American who was tied hand and foot to his bed… but, he also wanted to show him how great his literature during his Soviet Union years was… and it wasn't like he or his brother could go anywhere. He made his decision.

Russia stood up, "Let me go get the book."

America and Canada (and Belarus, so quietly no one heard her) let out a sigh of relief. Ukraine just pouted. _When are we going to get to the main event?_ She thought with a pout.

~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~POETRY~SLAM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prussia dove into the huge garbage can. He held his breath, both from the horrid smell and so he could hear if his chasers had left. He let out a sigh of relief once he decided he was safe—only to gag on the smell of the garbage.

He had to play it cool though. Through gritted teeth—and trying not to breathe through his nose—he muttered, "Now my awesome plan is working flawlessly, of course."

Just as he was about to climb out of the huge rectangular garbage can, it started to move. Something was picking it up!

As the Prussian started to tumble into the garbage truck he couldn't contain a scream. "LAME!"

As he was dumped into the truck, he wondered again… what had he done to deserve this?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~FROM~THE~GARBAGE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Russia's voice droned on, "The young girl on the ship's deck had passed…"

America was at the end of his rope. The title of this delightful novel was Cement, and he knew why. It was because trying to get through the novel was like trying to trudge through cement. His soul was crying from the pain caused from boredom. What torture! What pain! Was there no God? Surely no merciful God would allow such a boring story to be made! And this was the _height_ of Socialist Realism literature? No wonder they had lost the damn war… their children must have committed mass suicide to get out of reading this shit! It was worse than Charles Dickens.

Russia's voice continued to read despite the American's internal pleas, "…washed up against the debris and the seaweed, was lying the body of a new-born child. A red handkerchief…"

Wait! Hold the phone!

America came out of his boredom-induced coma, "Did you just talk about a dead BABY on a beach?"

Russia blinked at the interruption, "Well, uh… yes?"

America just stared, "What the fuck? I mean, I could almost take how horribly boring this story was but then you just had to go in and throw in a dead baby! What is wrong with you?"

Russia sniffed, clearly offended, "This is a great story! How dare you call it boring! I knew that it was too much for your puny, culturally-starved brain to handle. My sisters enjoyed it, right?" With a hopeful and bright smile he turned to his beloved sisters.

Ukraine was slouched over, her eyes were closed, and a little trail of drool dribbled out of her open mouth. Natalia was busy cleaning her knives and—Russia squinted to make sure—had headphones in her ears. Both were completely dead to the world outside them.

Russia's eye twitched at his treacherous sisters while America just smirked at him. Russia loudly cleared his throat to get their attention. They both looked up with a jerk and then flashed their brother apologetic and sheepish smiles for their inattention.

Russia sighed. This farce had gone on long enough.

Russia approached the bed, "I tire of trying to 'romance you.' You and your brother belong to me now, America. It is time to make that claim physical."

America's eyes widened and his breath hitched, "W-wait, please, NO!"

Anything else America may have pleaded was swallowed by Russia's mouth. The Russian smashed their lips together, his tongue darting into his American prize and tasting his sweet cavern. The Russian's hands were not idle either, they picked up where they had left off, searching… groping… claiming.

Russia released America's mouth, only to grab a handful of sunflower hair and stretch the tan neck out. An offering for Russia to bite and nibble. Well, it would be rude to refuse such a temptation. His right hand slipped under the apron to run fingers over the American's most private areas.

Canada started jerking against his bonds, shouting at the invasive Russian, "No! Get away from him! Take me first; just leave my little brother alone!"

Russia chuckled against his American's neck, "Do not worry little Matvey, you will get your turn… for now enjoy the show."

Ukraine was eagerly enjoyed the show, eyes bright and fixated on her brother's actions.

Belarus felt sick. She stared at the gleaming knife she had been cleaning, the sharo blade sitting innocently on her lap. She stared deep into her reflection and felt dizzy.

America hissed and screeched as one of Russia's fingers circled his opening. In desperation, he cried, "Please Nati! I'm your FRIEND! Please, don't let him do this!" America was sobbing at this point, overcome with fear and humiliation.

Belarus stiffened and stuttered, "F-f-friend… you are my friend. My friend…"

Her reflection's eyes widened. And Belarus made a decision. She chose her path and broke her curse.

Time stood still as Belarus stood up, her knife gleaming beautifully in the light.

Ukraine snapped out of her voyeuristic ecstasy. The busty woman turned to look with a wary eye upon her younger sister. She was very good at reading the atmosphere and every instinct she had screamed of impending danger. "Natalia…?"

The world hung in silence for a second. An eternity in the blink of an eye.

Belarus breathed in and out as she changed her gripe on her knife. "Please forgive me… I am sorry it had to be this way."

~~~BREAK~DON'T~YOU~HATE~ME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prussia dropped out of the garbage truck. His day sucked. And as he stumbled like a drunk, he fell into an open hole. He plunged down into the dark and splashed into something.

He looked around and realized he had fallen into the sewers. Just fucking great. Once again the Prussian tried to play it off. "Ha! Now my ingenious and awesome plan to use the sewer system to creep up to that unawesome Russian bastard's house is ready! I am so awesome!"

He started to trudge forward and then heard a distant rumbling behind him. The great and awesome Prussia turned to look and watched with dread as a huge tidal wave of sewer water filled with all sorts of nasty things coursed towards him. He would never admit to the whimper that escaped his mouth as he stared at the horror rushing upon him.

And then he was swept away with the sewage and waste of Moscow.

Sometime later Prussia exited the sewer, dripping wet and covered in all kinds of disgusting things (including his own vomit). He looked at the street road signs and nearly cried.

He was on the wrong side of Moscow.

With blank dead eyes, the awesome ex-Nation muttered, "Fuck it, I'm taking the subway."

With that pitiful declaration, the Awesome and Great Prussia squished and lumbered over to the subway. This entire time one thought echoed through his mind: What had he done to deserve this?

~~~~BREAK~FROM~PRUSSIA~PITY~PARTY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With that quiet declaration the world exploded in motion and blood. Belarus brought a knife straight into Ukraine's ample chest in one second. Then she charged and spun to get into proper position—hair flowing behind her and skirt twirling, she would have had the envy of any dancer for the beautiful movement—to slide the blood drenched knife across her brother's jugular. His blood splashed all over her dress and hands. Both of her victims went down with only a dying gurgle. It took less than three seconds for Belarus to destroy her only remaining family.

She took a deep gulp of air and started moving to unlock the twins before her actions could catch up with her. "Come, we must hurry." If her hands shook while she unlocked Alfred, he was kind enough not to mention it.

_The twins will need clothes, and I will need to change out of my dress. I cannot go out in public w-with brother's b-blood splashed over it_, the thought of His blood upon her favorite dress— favorite because he had bought it for her—was enough to make her almost pass out. But—she bit the inside of her cheek till she tasted her blood—she would not fall. She was Belarus. She would survive this betrayal.

As she unlocked Canada, America stood up and spoke, "Nati, I uh…" He shook his head, "We need to find the Head Baba Yaga lady's mortar thing… do you know where Russia keeps it?" He wouldn't thank her. She wouldn't want it.

Canada went to thank her, but seeing his twin's look stopped him, and he merely kept quiet instead.

Natalia was glad that he didn't thank her. That he didn't thank her for stabbing her sister in the heart and staining her dress with her beloved brother's blood. Because she knew, _she knew_, that if he had she would have killed him too. She didn't want to be thanked for killing and betraying her family.

She had already lost her favorite dress; she didn't want to lose one of her only friends too.

Natalia caught his eye as she turned and her eyes lightened and her right cheek twitched in a small smile. The only sign that she understood and was grateful for his consideration, "I will take you to his treasure room. Grab the mortar, after that we will all need to change. We cannot leave like this." _I cannot walk around in His blood on His gift to me. I will never be able to wear this dress again. I will miss it._

America and Canada nodded and followed Belarus. Leaving behind a room that stank with blood and betrayal; the eyes of the judging dead following them out.

~~~~~BREAK~~IN~~THE~~~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prussia stopped in front of the house. The subway ride had been so much fun. He loved how everyone turned up his or her noses and refused to get near him. He loved how children pointed and laughed at him. It was a great way to end a great day.

He squared his shoulders and began to sneak up. At least he was finally here. And he would get to save the twins! Maybe they would be really grateful to him for saving him and want to reward him? You know, once he took a bath. After all, he had been chased by an angry mob, been thrown out with the trash, and flushed through the Moscow sewer. But it would all be worth it… once he could save the twins…

He was hit by what felt like a truck and stumbled. He heard distant voices as he tried to get the ringing out of his head and focus on his surroundings. He blinked his eyes and found Alfred standing above him holding his nose. Looking around he also saw The Belarusian Bitch carrying a mortar. Before he could question the scene he was tugged up.

America shouted out of breath, "Come on! We need to hurry and get out of here. Nati was able to buy us some time and rescue us AND grab the mortar while getting a plane ready for us, but we need to leave now!"

Prussia just stared blankly as he was pulled to his feet, and forced to run, "B-but all the mobs and garbage and sewers and that horrible subway ride… I WAS SUPPOSED TO RESCUE YOU!" The last was said in a wail as he ran to keep up with the others.

Belarus simply rolled her eyes and stated bluntly, "Then you should have been faster, Albino Asshole. By the way it is nice to know that you still smell the same way you did as when you lived with us."

"Shut up Belarusian Bitch!" Came the helpless wail from the aforementioned (smelly) asshole.

"So, original… you awe me with your creativity." Was snarked back.

"Well, at least I have better things to do than stalk my brother to get him to marry me!"

"Right, because living in YOUR YOUNGER brother's basement, drinking his beer, and making up things to put on that ridiculous blog of yours is SO much better."

"You shut up! And you read my blog so there!"

"Only because its sheer stupidity and pathetic attempts at pretending to have a meaning and use in the world makes me laugh."

"W-well… SHUT UP! At least I have friends!"

"I have friends, you idiot, and they don't include a pedophile, a pervert, and a tiny little bird."

"HOW DARE YOU BRING GILBIRD INTO THIS YOU HEARTLESS WENCH!"

"Children!" The arguing Nations looked at America in confusion, "We are at the plane. Now can you both grow up? Nati stop provoking Gil and Gil, Nati is going to be helping us so chill. Heh… that rhymed… I am so cool." And with that America and Canada climbed into the plane. Belarus quickly following with the magical mortar.

Prussia looked helpless and lost. It wasn't fair! Finally at a glare from Belarus and a hard tug from America, he got into the plane. He sat down in one of the chairs and immediately crossed his arms.

This day had fucking sucked!

What had he done to deserve it?

~~~~THE~~~END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow, I really liked where I went with this chapter. It really got a great gleam to it. I kind of hated it at first but then I got really inspired and now I love it. Everyone should thank ASHYNARR and NARUKO UZU, this would have been horrible if I hadn't separated it into a different chapter. Now, I really like it because I got super inspired by Russian poetry… and then remembered that (in my opinion) God-awful novel, Cement. I had to read excerpts from it and it was terrible. Worse than Charles Dickens, whose stuff I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND!

That is just my opinion though. If other people like Dickens and Cement that is fine. I don't though. (Although if you do like them, can you PM me as to why? I am really curious.)

_**ALSO BIG IMPORTANT THING HERE! I WANT TO GET TO 150 REVIEWS! SO, WHOEVER GETS THE 150**__**TH**__** REVIEW WILL GET A SPECIAL SOMETHING FROM ME! I WON'T TELL WHAT THE PRIZE IS YET… BUT IT IS GOOD! SO LET'S TRY TO GET TO 150! THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION!**_

Now to my guest reviewer for this past chapter:

CATGIRL963: I hope I explained the loophole for you in this chapter, as well as gave some clarification on the nature of the curse. I will try to update more often, but I don't know if the chapters will be shorter. Once I get writing, the characters kind of take over and all the sudden I am over four thousand words and I am just like woah. I will try to update at least once a week, is that okay? I don't want to burn myself out by updating too fast. Especially since some chapters coming soon are not as fleshed out as others and the characters can be such whiny little brats sometimes! But no more complaining! I am glad you like my story and, once again, thank you for reviewing. I love seeing how people respond to my chapters and it makes me happy that you take the time out to let me know your thoughts.

Much Love,

91REDROSES


	11. In Which Hamburgers Heal

Chapter 10: In Which The Riddler would be Absurdly Happy

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. That is all.

~~~~ON~WITH~THE~STORY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sweden stared at his fellow Nordic countries. Ever since the last World Meeting had ended so abruptly, all the Nations had been allowed to return to their homes and things in his home had been very strange (And "allowed" was the correct term. While the Nations certainly hadn't been held at gunpoint, the amount of delays that "randomly" occurred had been very coincidental.).

It was not chaotic. There was no loud screaming, or laughter. Denmark—while still enjoying his drinks—had not been actually drunk for awhile and Norway had locked himself up in the basement to communicate with his spirits. While the latter was not any stranger than a Tuesday fog, the feelings and obsession festering inside them all was.

A movement caught the tall, intimidating man's eye and for a second his stance relaxed as his heart warmed. Tino had just walked out of the bathroom. _Even when he has finished emptying his bowels, he is still as beautiful as the sunrise_, Berwald thought with a love struck sigh. That was when his love, his sun, his wife, noticed him and smiled. Berwald knew that his face betrayed none of the warm, melted goo that his heart had become upon seeing such an angelic smile. There were some upsides to having a face less expressive than rocks.

Tino, his angel, spoke, "Hey Berwald, how are you doing?"

As his stomach flipped—like it wanted to do whenever Tino said his name—he spoke in his steady, grunt, "'M d'ng f'ne. You?"

Tino laughed, "Well, Mr. Norway said that he should have the twins located soon, so I'm very excited. Mr. Denmark is already drawing up plans so that we can best share them. It will be great! I can't wait until we have them in our grasp." The beep-beep of the oven startled the small Fin and got rid of the licentious look that had been creeping across his beautiful face like a cancer, "Oh! That would be the tarts! I need to get them out of the oven before they are burned as badly as England's scones. It was nice talking to you!" With a jaunty wave and a smile, the angel was gone.

That conversation highlighted Berwald's fears and unease. Tino, sweet wonderful Tino, was talking about using two other Nations as sex slaves for the Nordics, and no one but him saw any problem with that! The worst part was that there was a part of Sweden that didn't see the problem either. Part of his mind wanted the twins _so_ badly; he felt he would go mad. His body ached for the twins and it felt like each day the ache was worse. But his heart…

In his heart, Berwald deeply, truly loved Tino. This uncanny need was tearing him apart with guilt. He had NEVER wanted anyone else but Tino and now… these lusts, these urges wanted him to go after a set of twins that frankly he still considered "underage."

The true kicker of all this, the cherry on top, was that before whenever he looked at the twins, he had always felt a paternal link to them. He would fantasize to himself that they would be what his and Tino's children would have looked like. Alfred especially resembled the Fin physically, but had (in Sweden's mind) his blue eyes. Matthew, on the other hand, had Tino's beautiful violet eyes (again only a little bit more blue coming from Berwald).

So, now to feel this lust towards boys that he had always fantasized as his sons… Sweden rushed into the unoccupied bathroom and vomited. After he was done, he flushed the toilet and rested against the cool tile wall. The cool, smooth tile felt like heaven against his burning skin as his body still trembled from the aftershocks of his illness. As Berwald lay against the tile, he closed his eyes and cried inside… he hated himself and he hated Tino just a little bit.

He wondered if he would ever wake up from this hell…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~A~GOODBYE~TO~SWEDEN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Belarus glared at Prussia and wandered towards the back of the plane. They had landed near Treriksröset, in Sweden. Treriksröset was the meeting place of Sweden, Norway, and Finland. Treriksröset was actually the name of a monument built on the Lake Goldajärvi. This was the lake they were going to have to dive under to get to the Gate. The Gate would lead them to some Nordic god who kept Odin's eye. To be honest she hadn't really been listening when the invisible one had been talking. No, she had much deeper worries than some god's eye.

She buried her face in her hands and tried, for the sixteenth time, to convince herself that killing her brother and sister had been the right decision. That she had no other option. That once the curse was lifted her siblings would understand and forgive her for her sins. And, as with the other sixteen times, she was unsuccessful.

The crunching of leaves warned her of company. She quickly smoothed her face back into a mask. If it was that damnable Prussian albino then she would have to flay him alive. She would remind him WHY Hungary wasn't the only woman he should be frightened of.

But the voice proved not to be the nails on chalkboard of Prussia or the barely there whisper of Canada. It was the robust, warmth of America. "Hey Nat, we're going to be heading out soon. Mattie is communing with the beavers or something and will get us underwater here soon."

Belarus nodded, and turned to catch her eyes in the reflection of the plane's window. It was too blurry and dirty to see her eyes, the supposed portals to her soul. It felt oddly appropriate that she couldn't make a single detail out in the dirty window.

She nearly pulled her knife on him when he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Nat… I won't say a word for a few minutes. You can say or not say anything you want in those few minutes."

Belarus let a slow chuckle escape from her lips, any other Nation would have fainted from hearing such a sound come from her mouth without there being any death or suffering around her.

She took a deep breath, "I… I did the right thing. Russia will forgive me from saving him from himself. He does not like the cruelties he dealt out during the Cold War. He is always wishing that someone had stopped him…"

America waited.

She started to pace angrily, "I did not WANT to hurt them. I got no pleasure from it, or at least that is what I keep telling myself. You are so young, Alfred… I doubt you know winter. Yes, you have cold areas in your home, but you are warm. The coldness never touches you. When I was young… the Poland-Lithuania Commonwealth conquered me, I remember being dragged away from my family to live with them and be their maid. As I was being pulled away, Ivan… he called out to me and told me that one day he would be strong enough to get me back,"

She closed her eyes; remembering his Ivan's face that night; her eyes swimming in tears and his face, his handsome face, set in determination. "He did, and then he made me Communist. I was so happy to be with him, he was my hero and I knew that he would forever love me as much as I loved him. But then he… his bosses suppressed my culture, my language, and killed my people. It… it hurt! He hurt me by killing my people and burying my culture!"

She was nearly hyperventilating now. America came and wrapped her tight in his arms. She used that to anchor herself. When she felt calm again, she (lightly) stabbed him to get him to let her go. He gave her a look and rolled his eyes, but released her.

Belarus looked over the lake and whispered, "I did not kill him for revenge. I know that I did the right thing and it was not because I wanted him to feel the betrayal that I felt for past wounds. Please, Al, please tell me I'm not lying to myself," This last was said with a hitch in her voice and she turned to her friend, her judge, and jury. Her eyes pleaded for a verdict of innocent, because if he, Alfred, thought she had killed her brother in revenge and not for just causes…

He wasn't answering her or looking at her.

Her heart jumped into her throat while her stomach plummeted to her shoes, "Alfred, I—"

Whatever she had been about to say was cut off as a burger was shoved into her mouth.

For a moment all was silent.

Then Natalia Arlovskaya realized that yes, yes, Alfred F. Jones had just shoved a fucking _cheeseburger_ into her mouth when she had been opening herself up to the bastard. Oh! Once she finished chewing and swallowing her makeshift gag… it was STABBING TIME!

America continued to look at a livid Belarus with a calm nonchalance, "Belarus, Natalia… cheeseburgers are a measure of righteous and innocence, only the good and just can chew the mighty patty of truth nestled under the cheese of purity and in between the buns of holiness. Since you haven't burst into flames or choked… I decree you innocent and a good little sister."

For one of the few times in her life, Belarus could do nothing but stare (and chew since she had a fucking cheeseburger in her mouth). To any casual observer, it looked as though she was still ready to unleash a demonic wrath upon the idiot in front of her, but the observer couldn't see her eyes. Her eyes which softened as most did when America did one of those grand gestures of his that were _so stupid_ but so incredibly sweet at the same time, those stupid gestures that somehow always made the recipient feel better. As Belarus finished chewing the burger (it was good too; she knew most Nations liked to pretend they hated America's food, but that was just poppy-cock in Natalia's opinion, burgers—when cooked right—were absolutely delicious), she decided that she wouldn't kill her stupid friend.

America smiled and started to lead the two of them back to where Canada and Prussia were waiting. Well, started because as soon as he turned his back, Belarus brought her foot up and gave him a hard kick between the legs.

As she left the crying American to roll on the ground clutching the "family jewels," she gave a small smile. Hey, she said she wouldn't kill him, not that she wouldn't maim him. She was no saint after all.

~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~SO~AMERICA~CAN~GET~FEELING~BACK~IN~HIS~LOWER~BODY~~~~~~~

America (having finally recovered from the vicious and unwarranted attack on his prestigious person) shook his head at his brother's silliness. Sometimes it was hard to be the mature twin, "Mattie… I understand that the beavers are being very nice to take us down to the Gate, but I don't see why we only get to wear our underwear and not anything like a scuba suit! It is freezing here and I don't want to give Florida a bad orange crop."

Prussia just sulked, "…I still don't get the beavers."

This caught Belarus's attention, "Beavers?"

Prussia grunted, "Yeah, beavers, where the hell did they come from? Are they even native to this region? Why did they suddenly appear out of nowhere as if some lazy god just placed—"

The ground started to rumble and an oppressive, disproving aura filled the air. Canada quickly paled, "Um, Gil… you know, ah, maybe we shouldn't question our good fortune and just accept that coincidences happen…"

"—No! This is ridiculous! BEAVERS SHOWING UP OUT OF NOWHERE JUST BECAUSE THE MAIN HEROES NEED SOME HELP FROM WOODLAND CREATURES ARE SOMETHING YOU'D FIND IN A DAMN BOOK! Not in real life!" At this the sky darkened and all the Nations became frantic. America quickly started whispering, "Just let it go! Just let it go!"

Prussia, finally catching on to his blunder, gave a shaky laugh and said, "But of course! How could I forget that the beaver is a majestic creature that lives in all Northern regions and can be found here?"

This comment seemed to appease the universe and the feeling of imminent doom left. The quartet released a sigh of relief and three of them glared at the Prussian. Said Prussian just gave a small shrug with a sheepish smile and mouthed, "Sorry! Sorry!"

Quickly Canada cleared his throat and responded to his brother's earlier question, "The reason we have to be in underwear, Al, is because… the little helpful hints that Manabozho and Nanuq gave us before we left said so. Says that it will make things much easier on us, don't ask me why."

America continued to whine, "But it looks cold…"

Belarus, who had already begun to strip, replied, "Suck it up. You ARE the hero, right? Well, it's NOT heroic to whine about cold water. Now strip."

Matthew looked relieved, "Belarus is right, Al. Now come on, you'll get used to the cold water. Think about it as training for that polar bear water dip thing you've got going back in the states."

America pouted, "Ganging up on me, not fair." Nonetheless he started to strip.

A loud whoop was heard to the right, "Look at me losers! Bask in my hotness… and don't worry Alfred, I can keep you plenty warm KESESESESESESESESE!"

The other three Nations could only stare in disbelief. Alfred managed to spit out, "L-leopard print?!"

The Prussian albino grinned and did some hip thrusts in his leopard print man-thong, "It takes skills to pull off a banana hammock, but the awesome me is totally up to the challenge!"

Belarus just snorted, "I see you still stuff, Gilbert. You really need to just come to terms with your five millimeters. I'm sure you can find someone who might love you despite your… shortcomings."

The albino turned red (which looked very interesting compared to his white skin and the leopard print man-panties) and started to screech, "HOW DARE YOU! THE AWESOME PRUSSIA DOES NOT STUFF!"

Canada rubbed the bridge of his nose and mumble irritably, "Guys. Stop. We need to go. It is getting cold and later in the day. We don't want to try and find the Gate in the dark, do we?"

Gilbert turned and ignored Belarus completely as he threw an arm over each twin's shoulder, "Don't worry my awesome little twins! The awesome me could find this Gate blindfolded, with one hand—"

That was as far as he got before Belarus punted him into the water.

She rolled her eyes and got in the water, grabbing a nearby beaver, "I don't want to spend any more time with that asshole than necessary, so let's go. The sooner we do this, the sooner he can put on clothes and hide his tiny shame. Honestly, it hurts my eyes even to look."

Gilbert, also grabbing a beaver, shook his fist at her, "Shut up! You're too unawesome to look. These five meters are only for the twins." With that he sent a charming smile and wink at said twins.

Said twins looked surprisingly unimpressed.

After all four had grabbed a beaver, the beavers swam to the middle of the lake and then dived down taking their national cargo with them. Down, down, down… until finally, the four approached the Gate.

~~~MEANWHILE~IN~THE~LEGION~OF~NORDICS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Norway pulled back panting. He had found the twins. It had taken awhile, but it had been worth the struggle. His normally blank face slipped into a small smirk. His troll friend, Gary, grunted in happiness and clapped the Nation on the back. Norway nodded and headed upstairs to tell the others the good news.

He found Denmark the Annoying at the kitchen table with his younger brother Iceland, aka Emil Steilsson. They seemed to be debating over a calendar.

Denmark cheerfully laughed at Iceland, "No, no, no! I'm telling you that America will be happiest with _me_ on his birthday since I've got the biggest Fourth of July celebration outside the US. It'll remind him of home and keep him happier which is what we want!"

Iceland looked calm and undisturbed on the outside, but Norway could make out the undercurrents in Emil's eyes that screamed annoyance and frustration. Emil's voice didn't betray his inner passion, though. In a steady monotone, he replied, "Anyone of us can up the celebration. He shouldn't go to you on his birthday just because you presently have the largest Fourth of July party."

Norway decided to interrupt the conversation. He needed to tell everyone his news; they could decide custody of the twins later. Norway cleared his throat gaining the two other Nations' attention.

Denmark cheerfully waved at the stoic man, "Yo Lukas! Got news my fine friend?"

Norway nodded, "Mikkel (he nodded to Denmark), Emil (nod to Iceland)… gather Tino and Berwald… I have found the twins. They are at Treriksrøysa."

Iceland looked up and Norway could see the fiery passion inside his little brother, "They're very close then. Good."

Norway agreed, "Yes, but who knows for how long? We need to leave quickly."

Denmark shot to his feet, "Damn right we do!" The Dane grinned as he grabbed his battle ax, "Let's gather the old married couple! We've got hunting to do!"

~~~~~~BACK~TO~THE~FOUR~AND~BEAVERS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had found the Gate, and it was NOT impressive (or awesome, Prussia chimed in) at all. So when they all got sucked through what felt like a small straw, and ended up in a large room there was a little bit of surprise among the Nations. Just a little.

A young woman sat on a throne of bones, clipping a thread from a quilt. In fact the whole room seemed to be set up like a crypt. Pictures of death were carved into the walls and there were names written EVERYWHERE. At first the names seemed inconsequential until America found the name of his dead bosses. Quickly, all the Nations found names of their dead.

America was the first to break, "OH GOD! LET ME OUT OF HERE!"

The young woman stopped in her duty of clipping the quilt and looked with mild amusement and impatience at the American. With a calm and quiet whisper, she ordered, "Halt thy words."

All the Nations looked at her and readied themselves for battle. She giggled, and said with a sad sigh, "Nations, have no fear of me. I am Urdh of the One Braid and govern the Past. As thou hast seen, I choose to decorate my room with the names and faces of the dead. They belong to me for all that are dead forever remain in the past. Now, you must—"

America again screamed, "GHOST LADY!"

The regal way Urdh of the One Braid held herself was lost as she blinked at the American. She tilted her head and looked in confusion to the others. The other Nations shrugged helplessly and with an air of what-can-you-do? She turned her head back to the American and snapped her fingers. Instantly he was silent.

Canada looked upon Urdh with an expression of love and awe, "How did you do that? Would you be willing to teach me? Or if you won't teach me, would you be willing to come live with me so that you can do that whenever I need you to?"

Prussia grunted and Belarus mused, "England would kill to have such control over America."

America simply shot them looks that made it very clear that their betrayal was worse than Brutus's and Judas's combined.

Urdh coughed into her hand and spoke, "I am Urdh and I will be testing—"  
Prussia interrupted her, "Yeah, can I ask why we had to do this thing in our underwear?"

Urdh looked very uncomfortable, "Ah… um, er, well… ah, great heroes of Norse legend would come and seek Odin's eye for wisdom, and, eh, they always were naked, so, um, it's traditional, to, er, showcase the manhood and resilience of the seeker." The goddess gave herself a pat on the back for coming up with that on the spot. The truth was that the lower Norns who normally guarded Odin's eye got weak-kneed at the sight of handsome warriors without clothes on and tended to make things easier for them. But there was no WAY Urdh was going to tell them that. Luckily they bought her lie—she managed to completely ignore the disbelieving looks exchanged among the Nations.

Urdh spoke again with authority, "Anyway, to make it pass me and my sisters and be graced with Odin's eye, thou must show cleverness. To get past us thou wilt need wits, not strength. Thus… are ye worthy? Here be my riddle:

_Three brothers share a family sport:__  
__A non-stop marathon__  
__The oldest one is fat and short__  
__And trudges slowly on__  
__The middle brother's tall and slim__  
__And keeps a steady pace__  
__The youngest runs just like the wind,__  
__A-speeding through the race__  
__"He's young in years, we let him run,"__  
__The other brothers say__  
__"'Cause though he's surely number one,__  
__He's second, in a way_

What are the three brothers?"

The Nations looked among themselves.

Canada stepped forward, "The three brothers are the hands of a clock."

Urdh nodded, "Correct, Representation of Canada. Thou and thy company may travel forth and leave the Governor of the Past behind… so commands Urdh of the One Braid."

The feeling of being squeezed came and left and the Nations were pulled through to the next room.

This room was empty. This time the young woman who knelt in the middle at a loom had two braids. She turned and smiled, "I am Verdandi of the two braids, Warden of the Present and Emptiness. Since the Present never completely exists, and always has a foot in the past and in the future, I am with two braids. Now please answer my riddle, there be not much time!

_Four of us are in your field__  
__But our differences keep us at yield__  
__First, a one that is no fool__  
__Though he resembles a gardener's tool__  
__Next, one difficult to split in two__  
__And a girl once had one as big as her shoe__  
__Then, to the mind, one's a lovely bonder__  
__And truancy makes it grow fonder__  
__Last, a stem connecting dots of three__  
__Knowing all this, what are we?"_

This time Belarus stepped forward. With no hesitancy, she answered in a strong voice, "You are the Spades, Diamonds, Hearts, and Clubs of cards."

The Warden of the Present smiled again and waved her hand.

The four blinked and they were in the newest room. This room held a young woman laid out on a couch. Her entire hair was done up in multiple single braids. She stared up at the ceiling with blind eyes while her hand traced patterns in a bowl of water placed next to her.

Her voice held an echo, as if she wasn't truly there, "Known am I, as Skuld of Many Braids. The Keeper of the Future and of the Blind, since none but me shall see the future… I give you the last of the Norn's riddles. You have come far but still have far to go so listen and answer:

_If you break me__  
__I do not stop working,__  
__If you touch me__  
__I may be snared,__  
__If you lose me__  
__Nothing will matter._

What am I?"

Belarus went to answer but the hand that had been lazily tracing patterns in the water, jerked up and made her silent. Again the dreadful echo, "Only those who have not answered before may answer now my riddle."

Belarus and Canada looked panicked.

America kept looking at the ceiling trying to figure out what Skuld was looking at.

Finally Prussia stepped forward, "The heart. You are the heart."

Skuld nodded, "The Elder Knight is correct… you may pass…"

And just as they felt themselves fading from the room, the echo reached their ears one more time, "Be careful, for He has come and He only plays by the rules when it suits Him."

~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~RIDDLES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finland looked around at the old lake that connected his lands to Berwald and Lukas. "When do you think they will be done with the Riddle of the Norns?"

Lukas thought and then spoke with his usual lack of inflection, "I believe it will be awhile. The twins are craftier than they are given credit. I think they will solve the Riddle and obtain the Eye."

Finland idly agreed and looked over his sniper rifle again. It was filled with tranquilizers. When the Nordics had reached the area, they found that their Twins had already vanished to the Other World. Denmark had been enraged and had almost charged under the water to grab the two, but Lukas held him back.

It was very bad to mess with the rituals of the Gods.

Hence a plan had been crafted.

When the Twins and their protectors were done with their test, they would have to come back to the Mortal World, and then Sweden, Norway, Denmark, and Iceland would engage them in battle. They would be distracted and forget about small, inconsequential Finland. That would be the mistake that would cost the Twins their freedom.

For Finland would be in the trees with his sniper rifle ready to put the four to sleep. And then the Twins would belong to the Nordics.

Finland got into place in his tree and began to wait. He shivered in excitement. Soon, very soon…

~~~~~~~~~~~IN~THE~OTHER~WORLD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

America blinked at the figure and then proceeded to use his usual diplomatic grace and skill, "Hey, are you a Norn, cause you look a lot like a guy and I'm pretty sure the Norns are supposed to be, like, hot chicks or something…"

Canada, Belarus, and Prussia face palmed at the exact same time. America's tact was truly something of legends.

The male figure twitched and shouted, "No, you imbecile! I am not a Norn! I am LOKI! God of mischief… doomed to be tormented until the end of days and Ragnarök comes to this ball of dirt and the Asgardians fall and the stars die… but now, thanks to this curse unleashed by the Queen of the Fey, I am FREE of my dreadful imprisonment and free to bring the glorious hour of death and the end of all!"

America pointed with his finger and said in a loud, authoritative voice, "You're a Bad Guy!"

Loki looked to the other Nations, "…Is—is he _always_ like this?"

They nodded with no small amount of sadness.

Loki turned to glare back at the blonde hero, "Yes, I am a 'bad guy' and I am also the one who holds Odin's eye… so to get it you must answer MY riddle! Now which one of you has not answered yet?"

The other three Nations froze in horror before turning to look at America. America was jumping up and down and squealing, "Oh! Me! Me! I haven't gotten a turn yet!"

Loki looked at the others, they looked back at him. Loki laughed and cried out, "Oh, this is rich! The idiot! You must rely on the idiot!"

Canada came to defense of his brother, "Don't call him that! Al! You have to get this right, okay! So do your best."

America flashed them a smile and thumbs up. He turned to look the legendary Loki the Trickster in the eye, "All right! Let me have your riddle!"

Loki smirked, "Here by my riddle little Hero:

_It cannot be seen, it cannot be felt,__  
__Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt,__  
__Lies behind stars and under hills,__  
__And empty holes it fills.__  
__Comes first follows after,__  
__Ends life kills laughter._

What is it?"

Canada started to panic. His brother was actually quite smart; when it came to inventing things and anything science related, the Canadian knew he could depend on his twin. But this? Riddles were never Al's forte. His mind did not shape itself well to clever out the hidden truths and meanings in words. He was too straight-forward. And now he had been given a riddle that even Canada didn't know the answer to. It was official. They were screwed.

America lifted his head and gave Loki a steady stare. He spoke and the world went silent in anticipation.

~~~~~~~~~~END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can you guess the answer to the riddle? Let me know in reviews what you think the answer is. To people who get it right, a cookie. And please no cheating. That would be mean. Try to figure it out for yourself okay?

Also, I noticed something about myself. This entire story is mostly driven by the characters. Sure there is some framework of plot and I had some basic stuff planned out, but the plot is just my blank canvas. It is the characters who tell me what goes on the canvas and what to paint. I think that little self-discovery was very cool and I want to thank FICFAN3484 for really showing that to me. I also want to thank my betas (I've got two now!), ASHYNARR and KAYLM IDITRA, for all their hard work. Both of these girls take care of my editing for me so that I can be lazy! Yeah! Big round of applause for them!

NOW FOR MY ANON READERS:

CATGIRL963: The Nations in my headcanon cannot be killed like normal humans. They are basically immortal and only disappear when their people, culture, and land dies. Thus, they will die for three days and then come back to life. As I kind of hinted in this chapter, there may have been other reasons then just a split decision that she made in a crisis situation. Yes, she loves Russia with a fanatically love, but she can feel the wrongness of the curse and her own conflict caused her to make an out-of-character decision due to stress. Also, she knows they will come back to life… but it is still hard on her. Did you know the reason that Dickens was long-winded was because he got paid by the word? So he always made things longer so he could get paid more for the story. I am sorry I made you wait so long! Please forgive me! I am unworthy! PS: Prussia doesn't like you. Thank you for reviewing!

AWESOMEPRUSSIA: I am glad that curiosity made you click on this! I am glad that you are enjoying it and I am glad that you reviewed it. I love having new people read my stuff (not that I don't love my loyal readers!) and I hope that you will come back and read more. I will continue to write and make it as good as I can!

GUEST(7/30/12): Yes, murdering her family is very sad, but they will come back. They just have to forgive her for choosing Alfred over them. That shouldn't be too hard right? Thank you for your review, glad to see you liked it!

LOVEYOU: I am a huge fan of RUS/AME (it is one of my OTP's) so I liked this scene too… except for the whole "rape" part of it. That was sad. America will get comforted… eventually. But he was almost a male victim of rape. He doesn't want to talk about it and he doesn't want to be reminded that it almost happened in front of witnesses, including his twin brother. America is feeling emasculated and weak and powerless. That is going to translate to anger and aggression as he continues to try and deal with his trauma through not dealing with it. Right now is too soon though. So the comfort will happen, but later. Thank you for the review! I love your review sign thing! I love you too!

HI: Thank you for saying it is brilliant. That means a ton to me! I try to make my stories really detailed and driven by the characters. It just feels more realistic and rich and better to write like that. It is the little things that count and I try to make every little detail perfect! I'm happy that it has made you glad for the internet; Lord knows I don't know what I would do without mine! Thank you for reviewing, it takes time and effort and I value that you spent both on me.

I love you all!

91REDROSES


	12. In Which Evil and Good Blur

Chapter 11: In Which Finland Finally Realizes Something Important

Disclaimer and Warning: I don't own the Hetalia characters or franchise. I AM WARNING EVERYBODY, IF YOU THOUGHT BELARUS'S CHAPTER WAS BAD… THIS ONE IS A DOOSY! CHARACTER DEATH AHEAD, VERY PAINFUL CHARACTER DEATH. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GET TISSUES READY!

~~~~~~~ON~WITH~THE~SHOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

America smirked and declared loudly, "Terry Pratchet once said something along the lines of, 'Light is the second fastest thing in the universe, because the Darkness always beats it.' That is the answer to your stupid rhyme Loki! Now bow before the Good Guy!"

Loki just stared before managing, "There is no way… how did you? THAT IS NOT FAIR!"

It took a second for the rest of the Nations to realize that Alfred, the most oblivious Nation outside of North Italy, had just solved the riddle. The room exploded into rejoicing cheers. Canada and Prussia hugged and jumped up and down like Justin Beiber fangirls winning their chance to meet him live. Belarus just clapped her hands like she was at the most pompous golf match ever.

Canada turned to his brother, "You did it Al! I'm so proud of you! I knew—Gil if you don't remove your hands from my ass you will lose them—you could do it!"

Prussia pouted and took his hands off their comfortable warming spot. He mumbled, "Spoil sport…"

America smiled at his brother, "Thanks Mattie," he turned to look at the gob-smacked and angry Trickster, "Alright Loki, hand over Odin's eye."

Loki just gave him a bored look, "No."

This caused all celebrations to stop. The Fearsome Four turned to the Giant and America demanded angrily, "What do you mean 'no?' I solved the riddle right, so it's mine!"

Loki just lifted a (surprisingly well-maintained, he should really give England lessons) eyebrow, "No, I am not a Norn… I am under no obligation to give it to you. I think I'll just hang onto it."

Prussia charged forward and shouted, "Are you insane?! Don't you know what will happen to the world and everything if the twins don't break this curse? EVERYTHING, INCLUDING YOU DICKWAD, WILL BE DESTROYED! Is that what you want?"

Loki's nonchalance changed. It darkened and twisted into something mean and angry. The god snarled, "Do I care? I've been chained to a rock getting acid spit on me for the past… I can't even remember how many years, decades, centuries it has been! I long ago made peace with the fact that my release would bring about the end of the world… I even relish it! The Fools in Asgard… I sacrificed so much for them and how do they repay me? By locking up my children and chaining me to a rock," The last was said with such hate and bitterness that Belarus, America, and Canada flinched.

Canada tried to reason with the irate god. In a calming voice he said, "Well… nothing could have been that bad, right? I mean you are a god, so…" He trailed off at the intense look Loki shot at him.

Loki hissed, "Nothing that bad? Let me tell you a story. One day the gods of Asgard wanted a wall built around it to keep out the riff-raff, so they hired a giant and his horse. The Giant was so confident in his abilities to make the wall that he said he would take his payment only if he finished it in time. (America whispered to Belarus, "I wish some construction companies would do that." Belarus shushed him.) The gods thought this a fair deal and didn't believe he could live up to his words so they agreed.

"They soon realized that the Giant's horse was magical and would complete the wall in time. So who did they turn to in their time of need? Little old, Loki! So I changed myself into a mare to entice the stallion… let's say the plan worked out _too_well… some months later I GAVE BIRTH TO A FUCKING EIGHT-LEGGED HORSE! Do you know why the saying is 'hung like a horse?' Because they have huge cocks! That's why! My ass hurt for days! And what happened to my dear little baby? Why, my dear Odin likes to ride him around to show off my shame! That is one of my sacrifices you insignificant bug!"

But Prussia remained strong, "Yeah… Destiny and life sucks I know. But shit happens and you get over it! This wallowing in your pity party is totally Not Awesome and the Awesomeness that stands before you won't hear anymore."

Loki gave the Prussian a look that told all who saw it that Loki clearly thought the albino was lower than the scum in the nicks of his shoe, "And what does a puny Nation know of suffering to judge me?"

Prussia went still and began to whisper, "I have held the woman I love in my arms and kissed her tears away… all the while knowing she imagined another holding her. I have been among the greatest only to end up with nothing; to fall and become a parasite living on the good will of others when your name used to inspire fear and admiration in others…

"And sacrifice?! Sacrifice is fighting in a war for a man who hates you because you lack some pigment into your skin—still fighting for him even as you watch him corrupt and twist your little brother into an insane murderer and butcher of innocents—still fighting _because it is your duty_! Sacrifice is allowing yourself to be dismantled and taken prisoner by an enemy who wants you to suffer for every scar and bruise and cut you gave him during a war… but you _choose_ to be the prisoner because otherwise it would be _your little brother_."

By this time, Prussia was screaming and panting. With an accusing finger, he pointed at Loki, a challenge in his heart and a hiss in his voice, "So don't lecture me about _sacrifice_ and _pain_. I know what they feel like… we have been long bedfellows."

The speech had caused a stir in everyone.

Canada wanted to embrace the albino, to let him know that he was_never_ a parasite—only a friend who needed help during a bad time.

Belarus felt shame. She had been there to watch with glee the Prussian's suffering at her brother's hands. She had never said a word; she wanted her vengeance on the German for the attacks on her people and cities. So she let the Prussian take his place and had watched with delighted rapture the torture her brother had unleashed upon the albino—had even participated sometimes.

America looked at his hands and felt guilt for not being able to help more. For not trying harder to get Russia to release his friend and once mentor. His hands tightened into fists and his fingernails cut bloody moons into his palms. It seemed like he was helpless again, and that angered him.

Loki was silent. This little mortal had just chastised him and all he felt was tired. So tired… he looked at the Eye he held in his hand. Loki remembered warmer days when he had felt kinship and love among the Asgardians, why did it all have to change? He hadn't wished for the Norns to deal him this lot in life… he liked laughter. He loved life. He brought his closed fist to his head, maybe…

Loki looked at the Nations, "Tell me the truth… do you believe… that a man destined to do Evil can do Good? That he can change his fate, even for a moment?"

The Nations all turned as one to America. Alfred found Loki's eyes and saw his small reflection in them. His voice was soft but as sure as it was the day he finally declared independence, "I have never believed that a person cannot control their destiny. It is a coward and a weak man who lets things happen to him; who blames fate and God and destiny and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. If you want to do Good, then do Good."

Loki laughed, it was a hollow sound, but there was an edge of hope in it, "You Americans are truly something else to challenge the Norns and Fate so nonchalantly. But, maybe today, because it is a magical day for me to taste some air that does not smell of acid, today I shall defy my birthplace as Bringer of Sorrow and shall be a Bringer of Good," With that declaration, Loki—the one who would bring Ragnarök and the fall of the stars—tossed Odin's eye to the four.

Canada caught it, "Um… thank you, could you please point us to the exit?"

Loki smiled a crooked smile, "You are polite… here. I'll send you back to the shores of Midgard. Good luck, I know not what your travels and trials will be from here, but this humble Trickster wishes you god-speed and a safe journey." With that and a twist of his hand, the four vanished with a pop.

Another pop sounded next to him, and a voice of an old friend, an old brother-in-all-but-blood called to him, "Hail Loki, what have you done this day?"

Loki looked to Thor and laughed, "Ah, Thor, brother in my heart… I tried to be a good man today… just to find out what it tasted like. It tastes like honey mead and freedom."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~GOOD-BYE~LOKI~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Nordics had been playing charades when the four flashed in. For a second there was just a lot of confusion because Denmark (who was acting out the charades) had his back turned towards them, and didn't seem to understand that the objects of their desire was behind him. Which lead to the following awkward exchange:

Iceland: Ah! The twins are here.

Denmark: Wait, what? No, that's not it. In fact you went backwards on your guess. Remember the first part was "Fishing for a trout in Denmark" and then you just got "gets you" now we are doing the next part.

((Denmark starts swaying back and forth moaning.))

Norway: You are an idiot; we mean the twins are here.

Denmark: Look, I think it is an easy clue but just because you guys can't understand does not mean _I'm_ the stupid one—

Iceland: ((yelling)) TURN AROUND YOU DUMB DANISH DIPSHIT!

Denmark: ((turns around)) Ah… the twins are here.

End Scene.

Canada coughed into his hand and tried to cover his boxer-briefs with the other. He politely bit out, "Eh, I see you all are here and staring at us while we are only in our underwear… this is great."

Belarus closed her eyes tightly to battle back the migraine, she growled from behind clenched teeth, "I don't suppose this is just a happy coincidence and that you aren't here to try and rape the twins? That instead you are having some kind of picnic?"

Norway replied with a monotone voice, "While you are correct in that we're here for the twins, we've no plans to rape them. We'll woo them to us. And Belarus, I'm not surprised you're helping them…I guess you can't stand to see your brother love someone else other then you?"

Belarus glared at him and hissed, "When we fight, he is mine to kill. No one else touches him."

The other males quickly nodded.

Denmark put his hands up, and begins to woo the twins. His voice is like chocolate, "We don't want to fight… Alfred, Mattie, you guys know us. We're all on first name basis and we enjoy hanging out together. Mattie, we've never confused you for your brother… you're both special and wonderful to us, we've had these feelings of love for awhile and now we've got the courage to act on them, please come with us." He turns his hand outwards.

Norway added his mellow tone to the seductive mix, "We can all be a family, we all like to have the same types of fun and Emil said he would share all his hot springs with you…"

Denmark, seeing no aggression, came up to America, "Remember how much fun we have on your birthday Al? Hell! We always have a great time together! Buds forever, remember?" With that, Mikkel smiled and threw a friendly arm around Alfred's bare shoulder.

And that is when America completely lost it.

With a great shudder, America grabbed the Dane and tossed him across the field. Sweden managed to grab Denmark before he hit the ground, but both were still sent hard to the ground.

The action caused all eyes to lock on the panting, shaking American. The blonde had always been touchy-feely and had _never_ reacted to so badly to being touched… hell, not even Japan reacted _that_ badly!

Matthew swallowed, he watched as his brother self-consciously curled into himself. His throat was all the sudden dry. Through dry lips and a lump in his throat, Matthew tried to croak out his brother's name, "Alfred…"

Prussia interrupted with an exclamation, "What was that? You've been acting funny since we got out of Russia's house… did something happen there that you didn't tell me about? Not awesome."

Iceland, immediately knew what he was looking at. He wanted to scream in frustration. _Great_, he thought with aggravation, _Russia traumatized Alfred. How are we supposed to get him willing to become ours if he is afraid of the slightest contact? This calls for extreme measures! We need to know how far Russia got so we can start healing him immediately!_ With that last thought, Iceland pulled out a secret weapon. He normally saved this for children with abuse, but he reasoned that America was childish enough, that it would still work.

From seemingly nowhere, Iceland pulled out a little gray doll with red button eyes and blue yarn hair. It was stitched with a happy smile permanently slapped on its face. Iceland held the doll out to America and with his best I'm-someone-safe-to-talk-to-so-you-can-trust-me voice, he asked, "Alfred… Where on this doll did Russia touch you?"

The glade by the still lake was silent. America stared at Iceland with a dropped jaw and a blank face. He managed to stutter, "W-what?"

Iceland, patiently used the same tone as before—only a little more insistent—as he pointed to the doll and said, "Where did Russia touch you?"

America broke. His mouth pulled back in a snarl and he screamed, "HOW DARE YOU! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU SO HARD! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GUYS CAME HERE TO FUCKING FIGHT SO LETS DO IT ALREADY!" With that and a scream, Alfred punched the ground. The rock splintered and shattered.

The opponents squared off: Belarus charging at Norway (who now had a seven-foot pike in his hands) with her knives flashing in the sun; Prussia pulled a sword from…somewhere no one wants to think about, and brought it down in a mighty strike against Denmark's ax; Canada grabbed his hockey stick and chose Iceland; and America glared down Sweden, the only enemy left.

The battle begun.

~~~~~~BATTLE~TIME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sweden was sweating and it wasn't only because of his opponent. Normally the mild-mannered Swede liked a good fight as much as the next guy, but this was special circumstances. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Prussia and Belarus fighting with the strength of demons against Denmark and Norway. Belarus had a smile on her face and bloodlust in her eyes as she maneuvered herself close enough to draw first blood in her fight. The first blood almost cost her as Norway got his pike pulled back and nearly stabbed her through the neck.

Prussia and Denmark were both bleeding heavily. Although Prussia had scored more hits, the fact that he was only wearing a tiny piece of underwear as armor left him at a disadvantage. But what he may have lacked in clothing he made up for in bravery and insanity. Every cut and injury Denmark placed on the alabaster skin was repaid with two on his body.

An enraged scream brought him back to his own fight. America. He couldn't stop the sadness that filled his heart; Iceland wasn't the only one who could pick up on the subtle hints of someone who had been assaulted. Sweden felt the rage surge through his veins and boil his blood at the thought. Only for the all too familiar feeling of disgust mixed with self-loathing to follow. He and his brethren and, God help him, his beloved Tino wanted to do this to Alfred as well. Wanted to put that haunted, wounded-animal look in his sky-blue eyes. Sweden knew then and there that if they succeed, America would break. The Nation was too proud of his strength, of his independence to not break. He would take it as a sign that he was too weak to prevent the offense, instead of looking at it as the fault of the rapist, he would find fault in himself.

And then Alfred would shatter and that glow of happiness and dreams in sky-blue eyes would be gone.

Could he let that happen?

No.

But… if he decided to help America and Canada (he dodged under another punch that would have killed him had it connected) he would be betraying his FAMILY. Worse, he would be betraying Tino. He had promised to always do what was best for Tino… he knew that the little Fin had been scared of him in the past and he knew that Tino still hadn't admitted to loving him, but that didn't matter. Tino's happiness was Berwald's happiness. And having the twins would make Tino very happy.

But, could he do this? Could he help enslave the twins for his love? The time was coming close, Berwald had always been hyper-aware of Tino and he knew that soon, the little Fin would unleash his big gun and bring down the twins like animals. The clock goes tick-tock, which one would he pick.

One more look into the angry American's eyes settled the matter. He just hoped Tino would forgive him.

He let Alfred get close, and then pulled him into a hug long enough to whisper, "Tino's in the trees w'th a g'n…"

It was all that was needed. Finland's prowess with sniping was well-known among the Nations. Quickly Alfred stopped fighting Berwald and looked for Finland. He saw the Fin just as the little Nation brought a gun to his eye, aimed at Matthew.

Alfred screamed out a warning, "MATTIE! FINLAND!"

~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sweden hadn't been the only one battling with temptation and Jiminy Cricket during a fight. Canada was also having inner turmoil during his fight.

He was battling against Iceland… or at least trying to. The crafty Icelandic man was not actually fighting him. Instead he was letting Matthew waste his breathe and energy trying to hit while he kept just out of range for the Canadian's Hockey Stick of Hoser Punishment. No, Iceland was using words to cut into the Canadian and whittle down his will to fight.

"Haven't you always wished to be number one? We can make you number one," comes the seductive whisper of the devil in tiny, pretty boy form. And again, Iceland sang a song of temptation to the Canadian, "We always remember you and can always tell you apart from your twin. And I personally find you more beautiful. Your brother may be the garish Sun, but you're the coy Moon. All the stars long to have your beauty and your modesty bewitches me. I promise, you will always be number one to me Matthew… and there are five of us, you will never have to strive for attention. Don't you want that?"

Canada swallowed and reminded himself that Iceland was under a curse. That he was basically lying because of the curse, that it was the curse that made Emil want him and whisper such sweet lies.

But oh, the lies were sweet to his ears. Even this curse seemed to pay more attention to Al! Canada nearly slapped himself and felt sick. How could he think that? His little brother had almost _been raped in front of him_. The look in his twin's eyes… the fear… the helplessness. And he was _jealous_ of that? What kind of a sick fuck was he? He should be comforting his twin, not coveting the unwanted attention!

Just then his twin's voice broke through the fog in his brain, "MATTIE! FINLAND!"

Finland?

CRACK!

It was a combination of luck and warrior's intuition that caused him to be missed. The shot would have got him dead in the neck if he hadn't jerked out of the way. A perfect shot, just like Finland's handiwork.

CRACK!

Another shot. He needed to get the Fin out of his hiding place quickly… or they would stand no chance.

CRACK!

Another shot and another miss, Finland was probably infuriated by now. But Matthew knew where he was and he had his hockey stick. _And down will come Finland, sniper rifle and all!_ Canada thought with a grim smirk as he sent a nearby rock flying into the tree with a perfect hit by his hockey stick.

Quickly he swung his hockey stick into Iceland's surprised face, knocking him out. _Two down for the count and the crowd goes wild!_

Canada noticed that both Belarus and Prussia had finally been able to land disabling blows on their opponents and the Alfred was fine. He yelled, "Grab your clothes and hustle! We need to get the hell out of dodge right now!"

Everyone quickly grabbed their stuff and began to flee towards where they had last seen their plane. He wondered where Sweden was, but didn't give it much thought. He was too busy running.

~~~~~~~~~~~~CHANGE~OF~SCENE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sweden found Tino at the bottom of his tree holding his knee. He swiftly knelt and took a look at it. The joint was swollen, but that looked to be the extent of the damage. He went to pick Tino up, but Tino swatted his hand away and angrily demanded, "Where are the twins?!"

Sweden took a deep inhale and answered, "I l't th'm go."

Finland looked at him with narrowed eyes and with an angry sound, his beloved hissed, "What did you just say?"

Sweden gulped and again grunted, "L't th'm go. It is n't fai' wh't you want to do to th'm. You're n't a'ting like yours'lf. Please Tino… this is wrong." The last part he managed to get out clear as day.

Finland went still, "I thought that's what you said."

SMACK!

Sweden's head rocked to the side from the force of the slap. But Finland wasn't done, "You stupid Swedish oaf! How could you do that?! You know how much I wanted them! But oh no! Whenever something doesn't suit you, you leave me to rot! Just like when you let Russia take me!"

The words were worse than one of America's punches. Finland knew that Sweden still felt guilty for losing him to Russia and it was normally a taboo subject that the Fin avoided to spare the Swede's feelings. Living under the Russian hadn't been as bad for Finland as it was for other countries, but Sweden still felt sick for not getting Finland his independence sooner.

And Finland still wasn't done, "And of course I suppose this is your way of stating your neutrality like during World War II when I had to fight_three wars all by myself against the Russians AND the Germans_. Oh, but how could I forget! You sent me supplies! Not, you know, actual soldiers or help despite always claiming that you would be there for me if I _REALLY needed you_, but I would have hated to put you on the outs with your Nazi pals!"

Sweden couldn't breathe. The anger and hatred staring at him from Finland's normally sweet eyes was enough to make the blood drain from his face and to feel incredibly light-headed. The Fin used the tree to lift himself up. Sweden went to help only to be stopped by a glare so full of loathing that it almost made him sob from physical pain.

Finland bit out from clenched teeth, "No thanks. I don't want your _help_. I would just hate to break your neutrality. So do me a favor Sweden and keep out of my life. Because I hate you so much that I don't think I will be able to keep myself from shooting you next time I see you!"

With that, he stumbled off.

And the tears finally ran down Berwald's stony face. All his thoughts could grasp on was that Tino, his reason for living, was walking away and hated him. There was no blood left in his body and he felt weightless from the pain beating in his chest.

As part of him wanted to find a cliff to jump off of and crash his body into the rocks so it could be as broken as his heart, another part knew he had to see his path through. He had already lost Tino, no Finland… he couldn't let it be a waste by making only a half-hearted gesture. He shakily stumbled to his feet and let the world spin as he trudged and tripped forward. Unseeing eyes lead him forward to find the twins and their knights. He needed to let them know that the Nordics had moved their plane somewhere else. So, his heart broken and body sick… he stumbled through the forest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~WITH~THE~TWINS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

America yelled, "Where's the damn plane!"

It was a good question; they had remembered leaving it somewhere near the lake and now it had pulled a Houdini.

Belarus spat out, "Those pieces of shit must have moved it!"

Prussia stomped his foot and growled, "Well great! How are we suppose to leave without the plane?!"

Another voice called out, "You are not."

The four turned to find Finland pointing his rifle at them. They got ready to fight and he laughed and sang out, "Don't do that! You know how good I am with these things. You'll never get in range to hit me. So just give up and I'll aim for places that won't hurt as much when they're hit."

The four didn't know what to do. Finland wasn't lying about his skill with a gun and they knew they wouldn't be able to reach him in time…

Then another figure burst out of the trees and wrapped Finland in a bear hug before turning him away from the four. It was Sweden. "The pl'ne is ov'r by th't glade to the N'rth. Go! I w'll c'ver for you!" A screech of anger could be heard from the Swede's grasp.

The four nodded their thanks and ran off to get to their means of escape.

After they were gone, Finland forced himself around to face Sweden in the powerful, restraining hug.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

The Swede's body jerked three times. A bullet entered and left his stomach, another breached a tunnel through his left lung and the final went through his throat. With a gurgle, he toppled like a great tree in a forest. Finland stood over his body with the murder weapon still smoking.

With cold, violet eyes Finland surveyed the dying Nation as he choked on his blood and twitched back and forth like a fish out of water. He quietly said, "I told you that if I saw you again, I would shoot you."

Stepping around the soon to be corpse, Finland began to make after the runaway twins. A fist grabbed his ankle and stopped him. Finland looked down with annoyance. Still the oaf was holding him back! He drew his rifle up to smash the hand away when a weak plea hit his ears.

"Tino… please… I love you, please…"

And a memory rushed him and enveloped him. A memory of the famine of 1696 and 1697, the memory hazy because he had been so sick with hunger and suffering at the time. He had lost so many people those years, historians casually quote "one-third of the population died," but they hadn't had to live it… to feel it… Finland died a death of starvation over and over again for each of his children that died. And throughout his suffering, Sweden was there. Holding his head upon his lap and whispering in a broken, weak voice, "Tino, please, I love you, please."

The quiet chant of love had been the only thing that had keep him sane.

And with that the flood began… more memories. Memories of Sweden awkwardly trying to give him gifts but failing in such a cute manner because he was so bad at romance, Sweden protecting him from Denmark when the Nation got a little too drunk and a little mean, Sweden there to listen to him when he was upset, Sweden massaging his aching feet or back when he delivered presents on Christmas, Sweden was always there. Every happy memory had Sweden in it. Every time he had felt safe it was because Sweden was there. Every time he felt beautiful, cherished, special… Sweden was always there.

And that is when everything crashed down on Finland's head. He loved Berwald. The curse was gone.

He looked at the gun in his hand and started to hyperventilate. He tossed the gun away as if it burned him before dropping to his knees. He put Sweden's head on his lap and started to whisper, "Berwald? Berwald? I- I just realized that I love you so you can't die, okay? Not now… not before I can tell you how sorry I am for not realizing sooner and for hurting you. So please say something!"

It was too late. The light had faded from his eyes and all that remained was beautiful blue stones.

Tino let another heart-wrenching sob, "No! No, please. This wasn't how it was meant for us! You got to live for just a little bit longer so I can tell you. PLEASE! BERWALD!"

It was no use. And though, in his mind he knew that Berwald would wake in three days, his heart would not listen. All it knew was that the mate to his soul was dead and cold and it _was his fault because he killed him_. When Finland finally truly died he would belong to a special corner in Hell for this act. And he would welcome all the torments of Hell to repent for his sin.

But that day was not today, so he rested his forehead to his beloved's and cried.

This was how the other three Nordics found him.

Iceland spoke, "So Sweden is gone? He always seemed to be the weak link so this is good. Nicely done, Finland."

Finland froze and it took every bit of his will not to leap and claw the Icelandic bastard's eyes from his head and make him eat them. Instead he lifted his head and looked at them with pain-filled eyes. He was hurt, his gun was on the other side of the grassy area, and there were three of them. He would never beat them all.

Inner peace filled him for the first time since seeing the light leave Berwald's eyes. Finland thought _You did not die in vain, I will finish what you started my love. Then I will join you. Soon._

He stood up and walked in front of the three, he stated with a steady voice, "You shall not pass. This far you have come, but as I draw breathe, you will go no further."

The three were taken aback, and then Denmark stepped forward and stated, "Are you our enemy, Tino?"

Finland looked him in the eye and said, "Yes, because this is wrong and what Berwald died for. I'll not let you trample his final wishes."

Denmark shook his head and said, "You can't win."

Finland said nothing.

Norway charged forward and pierced his throat with his pike, pushing Finland's body to the ground. He then yanked with a bloody squish his pike out of Finland's dying body. He put the pike on his shoulder and walked over Finland's body on his way out of the glade.

Denmark made no move to go around the dying and dead bodies of his former friends. He just stepped on Sweden's hand. He started up an argument about America being with him on Fourth of July.

Iceland did not step on the bodies of Sweden or Finland, not out of care, but because they weren't in his way. He told Denmark to stop being such a fool. Norway threatened to choke Denmark with his tie again if he kept it up.

And with the laughter of his friends and murderers ringing in his ears, Finland used the last of his energy to try and crawl to his beloved's body.

He died with his fingers just centimeters from Berwald's hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~OH~WOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let that all just sink in for a minute, okay? In the next chapter we will be getting an update on how the humans are doing. And America will finally break. I know a lot of you are worried that I'm ignoring what happened to him, but as you can see from this chapter, the characters haven't wanted to talk about and he has been in denial. Unfortunately when you suppress something that bad, it doesn't stay down forever… he will explode soon and it will not be pretty!

Now to my ANON Reviewers:

GUEST(8/4/12): As you can see silence is not the correct answer, but thank you for trying.

CATGIRL963: I'm glad you like my pace of updating… since I'm no longer on vacation I can focus on writing more. I'm pretty sure this must have been a really hard chapter for you to read considering what ended up happening to Sweden and Finland. Thank you for finding my work awesome, I think you are awesome so please ignore the pouting Prussian in the back.

HURRAY: America did have the answer, even if it almost didn't do him any good at all because Loki wanted to be an ass for a second there. But thanks to the combined moving monologues of Prussia and America, he was brought around. And yes, even America can sometimes read the atmosphere… and then he tries to fix it with a burger. Thanks for reviewing!

ANON: I actually was originally planning to make references to The Avengers because I love that movie, but then Loki refused to let me write it in. He just kind of took over the scene so I never got it in, but at least I was able to get a cameo of Thor in there today. Loki is such a prima-donna. But all the characters and I really appreciate your review, thank you so much!

MOFALLE: Sorry to hear you had a rough July! I hope your August is much better! I'm happy to read that there are so many different things that you like about my story. I hope this is another chapter where you find lots of things to enjoy, even if it is a little sad. Thanks for reviewing when you finally had the chance.

Much Love to Everyone!

91REDROSES


	13. In Which Belarus Pwns a Rock

Chapter 12: In Which America Reveals He Knows Too Much About Russia

Disclaimer: I, (Insert my real name here), do solemnly swear that I do not own Hetalia or The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe. They belong to other people. I am simply writing a story… as any other humble Amish person wants to do.

A quick note that I am going to bold, italicize, capitalize, and underline in hopes that you read it (or at the very least if you don't and later try to poke me about it, I can always point to it and say I warned you): _**MY COLLEGE WILL BE STARTING CLASSES AGAIN NEXT MONDAY ON AUGUST 20**__**TH**__**! THIS MEANS THAT MY PROGRESS ON UPDATING THIS STORY (AND ANY OTHER STORIES) WILL SLOW DOWN AS I HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES THAT I CANNOT IGNORE, EVEN FOR YOU. SO! EXPECT IT TO BE LONGER IN-BETWEEN UPDATES! I WILL TRY TO UPDATE AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH BUT EVEN THAT MAY GET A LITTLE TRICKY AS THE SCHOOL YEAR PROGRESSES! I THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVIENCE OR DEPRESSION YOU SINK INTO DUE TO WITHDRAWALS FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO READ NEW THINGS FROM MY AMAZING STORY! I LOVE YOU ALL, BUT I HAVE TO BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT SOMETIMES ALONG WITH A QUIRKY FANFICTION WRITER.**_

That is all, thank you and on with the show!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~IT~BEGINS~NOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Canada didn't know what to do. The four Nations had been trying to get a hold of Canada's and America's bosses now for the past twenty-five minutes to give them an update on the "quest" as well as find out how their citizens were doing. Unfortunately, the plane was a World War II era piece of crap. Which meant the radio was a piece of crap.

America looked over to his twin's resigned moping. The American rolled his eyes. Enough was enough, if Mattie couldn't do the job, Alfred would have no choice but to use his ULTIMATE technique.

America reached over to the radio and gave it one solid hit.

The others looked at the American with horror. Belarus started to growl at him, "Great going America, now the damn thing is even more broken than before! Why did you—"

A crackling noise interrupted her and Canada's boss shouted out, "CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

The three Nations looked at America with confusion and a little awe.

The Nation in question just looked smug and said, "Never underestimate what you can learn from the Fonze, got it?"

He then picked up the speaker and said, "Reading you loud and clear Mattie's boss? What's up? We managed to get the fourth item just now, only three more before we head to Antarctica to do the ritual thingy."

A new voice came from the radio, "Alfred? Is that you?

America visibly brightened, "Yo boss-man! Man, have I missed hearing my citizens…"

Obama's voice interrupted him, "Alfred… You only have seventeen days left and you only have four of the relics?!" The President of the Free World's voice was audibly strained.

America frowned at the reproach, "Hey! It is not easy getting in and out of these countries with priceless magical relics while the entire damn world wants a piece of your ass. Like to see you or Biden try it…"

The President sighed and said with a note of apology, "I'm sorry Alfred. Things have been very tense here; we've been getting phone calls at all hours of the day begging, threatening, or both from other heads of state and government to approve treaties that would place America or Canada or both in a permanent alliance with them. It is getting hectic and very disturbing to listen to some of the other world leaders try to entice us. Just the other day, Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany, offered to give me a… sensuous massage if I considered joining the US and Germany together. When I tried to politely remind her that I am happily married, she—I kid you not—said that she wouldn't mind _having Michelle join us_!"

America shuddered, "Dude… being married to Germany would suck! I'd always have to be cleaning something or doing drills…"

Obama continued, not hearing his Nation, "And then there was that huge problem in Greece that we have to deal with…"

This caught all four Nations attention, America spoke up, "Uh, what problem boss?"

Obama was startled, "Ah… Right, of course you wouldn't know about it. A day or two ago, two young women turned up in front of the American embassy in Athens. Apparently they had been Americans backpacking through Europe and hadn't managed to make it to an embassy in time after this insanity started. Both (a deep, pained sigh) both of them had been sexually assaulted."

Silence filled the jet.

Belarus was the first to speak, "W-what?!"

The President seemed taken aback, "Why is there a woman with you guys?"

Canada quickly explained that Belarus had joined their little party.

The President hummed and said, "Well, good to have another ally. I may have never met you personally Ms. Belarus, but I'm very glad that Alfred has such good friends."

Prussia cut in rudely, "Yeah, whatever, great. What happened with the women? Are they okay?"

Obama was silent and then spoke in a quiet voice, "The women were dead when they turned up in front of the embassy. According to the letter that was with them, they had died accidentally when they were trying to escape from their captors—they tripped and fell down some stairs, breaking their necks."

America let out a pained moan. Canada put a comforting hand on his twin's shoulders… only to have it shrugged off immediately. Canada winced; it looked like his brother was still not okay with others touching him yet.

Prussia screamed into the little speaker, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN LETTER?! WHY WOULD YOU BELIEVE SUCH BULLSHIT?! THOSE STUPID FUCKING GREEKS PROBABLY KILLED THEM AND TRIED TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT!"

The President snapped back at the albino, anger and frustration clear in his voice, "Because of how strange the whole situation is! When I say the girls turned up at the embassy, I mean they turned up dressed in beautiful robes made of the finest materials. The bodies had been cleaned and their hair was nicely braided. Their hands had been folded over their chests with crosses clutched in their fingers and—this is the absolute kicker!—they were lying on a bed with clean sheets and _rose petals_. The letter had been next to them and explained how the, quote, 'blasphemers were being dealt with for not protecting the pure American maidens better,' and that the people of Athens wanted to turn the bodies over to the embassy so that they could be buried, again quote, 'in their native Holy ground of America.'"

As the president went on to describe how the rapists' heads had turned up at the embassy the next day with notes of apology from the people of Athens, America's—Alfred's—mind was a thousand miles away. He quickly found his two little children.

Their names were Kelly Butterfield and Marie Eldridge. Kelly liked to take photographs and loved turtles; she was a senior from the University of Maine and was studying to be a marine biologist. She had two younger siblings and older brother; she was considered the funny one in the family. She always made her siblings laugh and her parents often teased that she should have gone into comedy instead. Marie Eldridge was her best friend.

Marie Eldridge was the shy, artistic type until you got her on a stage in front of people and then she would bring the house down. She was going to transfer to NYU to get her graduate degree in acting next year. Her parents were a little worried about her choice, but were always proud of her dedication to her dreams and supported her despite their concerns. She was their only child and the apple of their eye.

And—America's grip on the steering wheel tightened enough that indentations in the handles would be visible later—they were both dead. They died running scared and now their family and friends would have only their memories for cold comfort. The two would never have a future, a family of their own, no more holiday trips, no more dreams… just the cold dirt.

And. It. Was. All. His. Fault!

If he could have been better, faster, _stronger_… this curse would have already been over and those two girls would be alive. He was their Nation; he was supposed to protect them! Instead he was running around with his tail between his legs like a _coward_, God no wonder Russia was able to over-power him like that… he was too WEAK!

He was brought back to reality by the screams of his companions and the screech of airplane warning systems. While his head had been in the clouds (yet another sign of his _weakness_), he had let the plan slow into a stall. He cursed and quickly righted the plane. He gave a sheepish look to his fellow riders and received only looks of _fucking pity and understanding_. Of course they thought they understood him. All Nations got a little upset when their people were hurt like that on foreign soil.

_But they don't understand, really_, he thought to himself, _do they?_

His boss's voice came loudly through the radio, "Are you all alright? What happened?"

America quickly took over the speaker, "Yeah, sorry boss-man! Had a little problem with the plane, but it's fixed so no worries. So what are we going to do?"

Obama sighed, "Nothing Alfred. The men responsible are decapitated so… justice was served, I guess. We'll return the girls' bodies to their families and tell them that the girls died in an accident. AND DON'T START WITH ME, ALFRED!" America closed his mouth. "I know that you don't like the idea of a cover-up, God knows I don't, but we don't have a choice. If what really happens gets out, there will be screaming for retaliation against Greece. That would mean war. And as soon as we declared war on Greece every other damn country would jump against us and use it as an excuse to invade us! We've already had ten—TEN—close calls with other states about them practicing their "military games" too close to US and Canadian territory. I know we're strong, but not even we can stand against the whole world Al."

America growled, but bit out an agreement. As much as he hated it (when had he become so_weak?!_), Alfred knew his leader was right. Didn't mean he didn't hate it though.

Canada's timid voice popped up, "Ah… have there been any incidents with Canadian citizens?"

Harper's voice came through, "No. We have been lucky so far. All our citizens overseas are safe and sound."

Canada felt both relieved and jealous and immediately hated himself. How could he feel relieved that Alfred's children were being raped instead of his? What kind of twin brother was he to wish such ill and pain on his younger brother? But what disgusted the Canadian more was that he was also jealous. Jealous that even the spell seemed to play favorites and, _once again_, preferred his younger brother. Why? Why were he and his children never good enough? Why was it always Al and his children in the spotlight? Maple damn it, he was the older one! Shouldn't he be the focus even a little?

These thoughts made him sick to his very core. He quickly suppressed the negative emotions deep into his soul and reminded himself that Al couldn't help it and that he didn't want that kind of attention anyway. Dear Lord of all Maple, Al had almost been raped! He shouldn't be jealous; he should be supporting and caring for his younger twin.

He was such a terrible brother…

He listened listlessly as his boss and Al's boss bemoaned the fears that soon even the embassies would be over-run and everything would go to pot. That is when Belarus jumped forward and grabbed Alfred and the speaker. In a clear voice, she said, "Maybe human technology can't keep the embassies and the countries safe, but maybe alien tech can!"

She turned to her captive American, "Call Tony," she said.

America quickly complied.

Tony's voice came through the tiny alien phone that he had given Alfred back in the Forties, "Yes, Alfred? What do you need?"

Once again Canada marveled at how civilized and sweet Tony spoke to Alfred.

America outlined the entire problem and the cabin and Canadian and American governments held their breath. If Tony wouldn't help…

Tony's voice rang through, "Of course I will protect your people Alfie. I will get it done immediately!"

Multiple sighs of relief from both the ground and the sky were heard.

America piped up again, "Hey Tony? Could you do the same kind of protection for Canada? He's having the same problem as me and I don't want to leave him hanging."

Tony's voice instantly lost it sweetness, "Who the fuck's that?"

America sighed, "My twin brother… the guy who lives north of me?"

One could hear the dawning comprehension inside the mind of the little grey man.

Tony's normal, garbled voice crackled through, "…Fine. Whatever. I'll get working on it for the both of you. Once I'm done you'll have better protection than you could have ever gotten by yourselves."

As Prussia made sarcastic comments in the back about how America and Canada got their protection from little grey men, the leaders of both Nations thanked the little alien profusely.

And America and Canada?

America just smiled through clenched teeth hating how he had to get protection from his friends because he could no longer protect himself. _Strongest country in the world… what a load of bull THAT is turning out to be._

Canada just bit his lip. Again someone had to be reminded about who he was. AGAIN he wasn't important enough of an individual to deserve some recognition. AGAIN HIS FUCKING LITTLE BROTHER HAD TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE THAT HE, CANADA—AKA THE SECOND LARGEST FUCKING NATION IN THE GODDAMNED WORLD—WAS _AMERICA'S_TWIN BROTHER. BECAUSE GOD FORBID HE HAD A SEPARATE IDENTITY THAT WASN'T TIED BACK TO AMERICA! GOD FUCKING FORBID!

Needless to say, neither of the twins did much talking for the rest of the plane ride.

~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arthur looked himself over in the mirror. He smirked; he cut a fine figure in red if he did say so himself. It had been awhile since he had gotten his old pirate clothing out of his magical wardrobe and he had been a little worried that some things wouldn't fit as well as they used too.

And while he had gotten a little… softer in the stomach region, a quick garter had put that into place and none was the wiser. So with a pleased smirk (and a slight breathlessness from the tightness around his middle) he went to put the last finishing touches on his army.

His fey friends had told him that his booty had landed and when his army was finished… they would be his again, just like they were always meant to be. He may have let Alfred temporarily slip through his fingers, but he was not as young and foolish as he was during America's little… tantrum. This time he wouldn't let the fair American leave.

As he saw his army wake and groan and kneel in front of him, the ex-pirate-now-pirate-reborn would soon have his American back.

Oh, and Canada would be his again too, of course.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~FROM~PIRATE~IGGY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The four stared at the living rock. The living rock stared back unimpressed.

The day had taken a serious turn for the weird. First there was their new gear—courtesy of Tony—that the four had. As soon as the plane had landed Tony had called and told them that the barriers were set-up. There would be no invading of any American or Canadian land, either in the countries or on foreign soils in the forms of military bases or embassies, the tiny grey alien had proclaimed.

Prussia had then grabbed the communication device from America and told the Alien that they were currently on English soil trying to obtain the next relic and Tony had demanded their location. Once that had been given a poof sound had been made and four small backpacks had appeared out of nowhere.

When the Nations had asked for information, Tony told them that the backpacks were something, something… blah, blah, blah (none of them, not even Alfred who lived with the guy, had understood all the tech babble that had spewed out at them for five minutes). The basic point, as the Nations could understand, was that the backpacks held unlimited firearms with unlimited ammo. They just had to think of a weapon and it would pop out of the bag into their hands.

Dumb silence had followed that statement before chaos reigned.

America argued back and forth with Tony that the Nations were trying to NOT use lethal force and Tony liked England so why would he want to send all these weapons anyway? Tony just kept replying no and muttering epitaphs for England while making several comments on England's mother's occupation, sexual habits, sexual orientation, and virtue before switching over to making similar observations of England. Canada watched this and wondered again how his twin thought the two were friendly.

Belarus and Prussia had been using the time very productively to bring forth many different items of huge destruction and then practice using said items on various flora and fauna species in the surrounding area. The two always were the most practical.

Finally America had given up the fight and the four had made their way to Merlin's tomb to find the two ingredients they needed: a unicorn's tear and dragon's blood.

Which lead them to the living rock that still look unimpressed with them. Apparently to get past the rock, they had to pass a test. Except the rock hadn't told them yet and it was beginning to get unnerving… looking at a rock and having it look back at you with eyes carved by the elements.

Canada couldn't take it anymore. He yelled—well almost—at the rock, "What do we have to do?!"

The stone blushed—or at least it gave off the feeling that it was blushing—and spoke in a gravelly voice, "You must prove your manhood and natural dominance."

America just twitched and muttered in a low voice, "What the hell is with all the pervy challenges, first the underwear thing and now this…"

Prussia simply stretched and started to move towards the stone, "Just let me and my five meters handle this boys. I'll have us all past this stone guardian thing whatever in a couple of minutes."

Belarus just snorted and quipped, "Glad to know that whatever poor soul you liquor up enough to sleep with you only has to last through your humping for a 'couple of minutes' before you're done."

Prussia glared at the female and turned red. He growled at her, "God I HATE you so much…"

Belarus inspected her nails and said simply, "The feeling is mutual."

The stone/guardian/gateway/whatever sighed, "You didn't let me finish… if your manhood is found to be lacking it will be cut off."

This caused all three male Nations to wince and try and hide the threatened body part.

Belarus just rolled her eyes and said in the tone of voice perfected by women since the dawning of time (you know the one, the men-are-idiots-why-do-I-need-them-to-procreate-the-species-again tone), "I'll go. God knows this trip would be so much worse if I had to listen to you whine about losing your penis to a magical rock."

Belarus stomped over to the rock and started digging through her bag. The other Nations just gaped until Canada spoke up, "Ah… Belarus? Um… you don't have a… er, um, that is to say, I don't think you have a… you know. I mean if you, eh, do… that is um fine, but… I…"

Through-out the entire eloquent speech, Canada's voice had managed to both become quieter and higher until when he trailed off his voice had been at a decibel that only dogs could hear. Belarus just looked at him like he was an idiot, and responded slowly, voice dripping with sarcasm, "Yes Canada, I have always been a Hermaphrodite, but was just too afraid to tell others. However, I thought that right now, in front of three of you — only one of whom I know on a personal level and somewhat like — and during an incredibly important quest to save the world would be the _absolute best time_ to expose my deep, dark, and very personal secret."

Prussia looked unsure, "I think you're being sarcastic."

America and Canada both just felt pain and embarrassment that Prussia was part of the male gender.

Belarus didn't even bother to reply to the Prussian and just gave a small sound of triumph as she pulled something from her bag. She started messing with her skirt, but since her back was turned the males had no idea what she was doing. Finally she turned around and…

There was a plastic phallus strapped on her body.

She looked like a cat that had just gotten some very delicious cream. She purred, "This, boys, is a strap-on. But not just any strap-on, oh no! (At this her eyes got a far-off gleam and a dreamy smile hinted around her mouth.) This is a strap-on that has the exact dimensions of Big Brother's impressive manhood. Such a great likeness to his that I know the stone will fall under its mighty prowess," she turned and squared her shoulders. Her face was haughty as she leered down on the suddenly nervous rock. Her voice carried over her shoulder to the boys, "You boys may want to turn around. Things are about to get a little NC-17 rated over here."

With that she set to work and the boys turned around so face they broke the sound barrier.

As they tried to keep their minds from visualizing what was happening behind them from the moans, grunts, slaps, and occasional, "Yeah… take it bitch," Prussia leaned over to the other two traumatized males and muttered, "I can't believe she got Russia's freaking measurements of That. I mean, I knew she was bat-shit crazy for him, but that is taking an un-awesome obsession to new heights!"

The animalistic sounds stopped for a second so Belarus could shout, "I didn't get the measurements myself! I got them all from Alfred."

At that, the sounds started again.

The other two males looked in disgusted horror at the American. Said American played it cool and smoothly replied to the unasked question, "During the Cold War I found out a LOT of little details about Frosty. I can tell you where he likes to buy sunflowers, how many heavy winter coats he has, and what Russian food he likes the most that always gives him the runs something fierce so he doesn't eat it except for special occasions… it was war and war is hell. Had to be done."

Canada's fine green sheen did not abate at the little speech. Indeed his voice had a note of hysteria in it, "But, but—why? Why would you need t-to k-know h-his… p-pen… penis size?!"

America kept the hard look and replied, "War is hell, Mattie. It had to be done."

A slightly out of breath voice saved the males from any further awkwardness, "Okay… I'm done with this little rock. We can go into the tomb now."

The three waited an extra second—just in case—and then turned around to find a sweaty, but pleased Belarus picking up her bag and smoothing her skirt and hair.

The rock just seemed to shiver, its eyes holding a defeated, frightened gaze. The three would have felt some need to comfort the rock if it hadn't also had a flushed look of satisfaction on its stony visage.

Belarus patted it and it—somehow—twitched. She didn't seem to notice as she told them, "Been awhile since I had to break something so hard, but it looks like I haven't lost my touch. Could use a smoke though… ah well, I can't have everything."

The rock just moved to the side revealing a swirling, glittery portal.

As the Nations leapt through the portal, Belarus mouthed "call me" to the rock before leaping in.

The rock shuddered and knew it would never feel totally clean again… but somehow also knew it would call the young woman up again. It was a good kind of dirty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The male rolled his shoulders and studied the English hills. He had managed to find out what had been going on through bribery and his little spies. The twins were near here… and walking into his trap. He had been waiting very patiently and he knew he would soon have them in his grasp. He knew America, and maybe if he was lucky Canada too, would be seduced by his words and then he would be getting himself at least a little slice of some American Apple Pie.

The unknown male licked his lips. Soon, very soon. For now… he just needed to be patient.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END~OF~CHAPTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, my this chapter took awhile to write… at first I had no idea what was going to happen in this chapter and now it looks like it is going to be three chapters long! Can you believe that?! I guess we are going to be having some fun here, am I right?

Some things to look forward to, an old character rejoins the cast, we meet England's army (can anyone, that I haven't already told, guess? I would like to see what you think and no they aren't fairies), and we meet this mysterious third person. Who is he? And how sexy is he? All will be answered eventually.

A last reminder for those who didn't read the huge production I made up top, I will be starting my senior year of college next Monday. Updating will slow, I have a lot to do to prepare for graduate school and, while I promise not to leave this unfinished, I will not be able to update as fast. I will try to update at least once a month though. I love you all, but there are things you have to do as a grown-up sometimes.

One last thing before I thank my ANONS. I've been toying with the idea of maybe writing some original stories of mine and I was wondering if any of you had an idea how to go about doing that? I figure if Stephanie Meyer can get her Twilight series published, why not me? (If you are a fan of Twilight, I don't want to offend you… but I would be curious as to understand the appeal of her writing. Really. I don't get it. Please explain it to me.)

Now to My Lovely ANONS:

LOL YES: It is fun to play with America and see what effects my plot has on him. It is like I get to run an experiment on my favorite characters. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

CATGIRL963: I am so sorry that I hurt one of my favorite reviewers. I think we haven't seen the last of the Nordic lovebirds. About more characters dying… do OC's that die off screen count? I hope not. This will be the last deaths for awhile, pinky promise! Russia will be coming back to life… no other hints on that! And America has read Prachett because I love him and I am the author so, what I say goes. Monty Python… and now for something completely different. I hope you enjoy this chapter. You are one of my most devoted followers and I love to hear from you so thank you for reviewing!

ICHIGOVSINUYASHA: Sorry that the last chapter made you sad, even though for me it is a compliment because it means you are really feeling my writing. I hope this chapter was a better read for you! Thanks for reviewing and have a nice day.

GUEST(8/12/12): They do come back to life, promise. Sorry it took so long to update. I hope this chapter made up for the late update. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it.

ON MOBILE: I am glad you think so highly of my story. You are too kind. I am glad that you love me for writing this and I am glad you love this story. I try really hard to make it as good as I can so it is nice to know that there are people out there who really love it. I promise I love you too because I love all my reviewers so much. Thank you for reading and reviewing, you can seriously make me cry. Thank you!

LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

91REDROSES


	14. In Which Unions Try to Occur

Chapter 13: In Which a Montage Happens and a Union is Formed

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia or any of the characters. I don't own "Say Yes to the Dress." I don't own the two songs (the first belongs to Disney as the Epcot Canada Pavilion song and the second is from Scarface called **_**Push It to the Limit**_**) mentioned in this chapter. I don't own the ****Highlander**** or ****The Hunt for Red October**** (although I did see the first one on Neflix). All that I own is the plot and even that was adopted from THE GREAT GODDESS ASHYNARR! All bow and scrap before our might and we may allow you to read more… JK, enjoy!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NOW~THE~SHOW~BEGINS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

England glared at Mexico.

Mexico glared at England.

This continued for a good string of minutes before finally, England couldn't take it any longer. With much eyebrow ticking, he exploded, "What're you doing in my country you bloody bastard?!"

Mexico just sniffed and replied back with a condescending tone, "I'm not here for _you_, little man with the huge eyebrows! I'm here for my darling Alfred." With a sadder voice he turned towards the white dress he was caring and began to cuddle it, "Oh Alfred… why did you have to run off in my perfect wedding gown for you? I had to call up Monty to get another dress in your size that would look good on you… thank the Lord that he owes me for all the dresses I supply that shop. I wonder how many of those women who go on that 'Say Yes' show know they're wearing a dress made by the great Nation of Mexico?"

England did not like being ignored for a stupid dress. He snapped at the Mexican, "Will you stop babying a bloody dress and pay attention! You are in serious amounts of trouble for coming in to my country illegally and you don't even have the decency to look abashed or frightened!"

Mexico looked over England's shoulder at his army. He let out a snort and said, "Yeah… that little army of yours isn't going to do you any good. My dear Alfred is just going to go through them like tissue paper, _amigo_."

England twitched before completely ignoring the comment. He struck a dramatic pose and shouted in a loud victorious voice, "What the—it, they are a strong fighting force and will scare the pants off of Alfred at which point I will swoop in and grab him! He will be all mine," England stopped his little victory speech to blink a couple of times before hurriedly adding, "and of course his brother too! Darling little…"

Another pause as England's eyes darted to and fro, his face scrunched up in thought. Mexico looked expectantly as the silence dragged on, before sighing and taking some pity on the older Nation. He whispered a hint, "One of the twelve apostles… he is a little CAN do sort of guy…"

Finally England seemed to come to some sort of tentative decision, "Bartholomew?"

Mexico face palmed.

England tried another name, "Right it was Phillip! I thought it was Phillip, but double-guessed my first thought—"

Mexico shook his head no.

England back-tracked and spluttered, "Uh, right… James?"

A blank look of pity.

England's voice became rushed as he started listing all the Apostles he could think of, "Peter? Andrew? Judas? (Mexico actually snorted at that one.) John? Thomas? Jude? Simon? Markus?"

Mexico threw up his hands in disbelief, "Seriously? Dear Lord, his name is Matthew! Markus wasn't even a name of an Apostle! He was a part of the Commonwealth for the longest time! Come on!"

England just huffed and muttered, "I knew that, it's just that, sometimes his name is a little, you know, hard to remember…"

Mexico was not impressed.

England just snarled and spit out, "_Any way_, the army will attack and take out Belarus and Prussia and I will abscond away with the twins."

Mexico sighed; the Brit was not getting it. He snarked, "And why do you think your 'army' is not going to attack your precious twins?"

England threw his head back and laughed, "Why my army is perfectly under my will! Watch! I will command them to begin the march to take my twins!" He turned towards the army and shouted, "Now! Do as I, Arthur Kirkland, command and begin the conquest!"

Not a single member moved. Mexico raised an eyebrow.

England coughed in his hand and fast-walked over to the first member and began a low conversation with him… her… it? Mexico wasn't quite sure to be honest. The efforts of England to quietly have his conversation were useless because he forgot about Mexico's great hearing.

It went a little something like this:

"What the bloody hell do you lot think you're doing?!"

"…mumble…"

"Hungry?! What do you mean?"

"…"

"Well I don't give two shits if you're hungry, get your bloody asses in gear and get going!"

"…snarl…mumble"

"Unionized! UNIONIZED! When—who—how are you lot in a bloody union?!"

"Mumble…mumble… grunt (the thing thrust its arm forward with the last 'grunt' to emphasize its point) grunt"

"I cannot believe this… I am not going to give you lot a health or dental plan, YOU DON'T FUCKING NEED IT! Look… I am losing face here, could you just _do_ what you're supposed to do, you know, what I fucking summoned you for!"

"MUMBLE!"

"…God damn it. Fine, there is a fast food place nearby, BUT after that I expect some cooperation and no more of this 'union' business."

England trudged, defeated, back to Mexico, "…we need to get some food before we go."

Mexico just patted the distraught Nation on the shoulder, gathered up his Alfred's wedding dress, and moved himself and the Nation towards his van. They were going to need the space.

~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"_There has got to be a way for me to be noticed more!_" Canada thought with some small amount of desperation, "_But what? I… I could be louder maybe? Yeah! People have a hard time ignoring blow-horns and other loud stuff! Okay, mental note: be louder. But there has to be other ways… um, uh, you know Al always tries to ACT cool but he never pulls it off. He is just too goofy and smiley and stuff, but maybe I can. I can be angst-ridden and cool. Then people will pay attention to me and go all like, 'Hey who is THAT cool guy over there?' and other people will be, 'Oh! I know it's Canada!' except they won't know my Nation name so it will be more like 'it's Matthew' and then everyone will know how great I am and stop fucking forgetting about me. Yeah! That is the way to go… now, how is a person cool? Let's see, Justin Bieber is cool right? I mean he has a lot of fans… so how does he act? Crap! I can't hit those high notes, Al was the one born with the great singing voice not me—of course, so not fair—but maybe if I just act really aloof and debonair I will LOOK cool even if I'm not cool. Ha, I am so the smart twin. This plan is perfect. Look out world cause soon you won't know what hit you!_"

It appears that blonde hair isn't the only thing the twins share.

While Matthew had been doing his inner monologue, the party had been walking down a long corridor. The rock that Belarus had… talked to had moved aside to let them all down the secret passage way that would lead them to Merlin's Tomb. Which was actually a misnomer because from what Al could remember Arthur had always described it as a garden type place more than a tomb-tomb. He had been sharing such valuable information while his brother spaced out on him (America made a mental note to check and see if Mattie had brought along his "special brownies". His brother was so lucky to have him there to look out for him) when a sound that resembled a tone-deaf cat that had been tormented and was finally in the arms of death releasing its last off-key Swan Song appeared.

The group turned to behold a Nation playing his bagpipes.

The Nation stopped and flipped his red hair out of his eyes and gave a wild devil-may-care grin at the musically-assaulted four. The four silently began to prepare for battle as they tried to get their footing back from the cruel auditory attack.

The Nation opened his mouth and said in a cool, rich lush voice, "Hello, I am Allistor Kirkland, Nation of Scotland. I have a sexy Scottish accent and a hot body that is wearing nothing but a kilt and some shoes. Come and make-out with me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~FROM~SEXY~SCOTTISH~MEN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mexico was about to kill England. They had been driving around in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere for over forty minutes now all because England refused to go to the first fast food place they had found. The damn Englishman needed to bite the damn bullet and just go to the stupid place they had seen within five minutes of searching, but _oh no_… someone had to be a stubborn shithead.

Mexico tried (again, for like the twentieth time) to reason with the British bastard, "I know you hate the place, but for the love of all the Saints and the blessed Holy Mother there are no other places around here that are open! Alfred will never know. Just. Go. To. The. Fucking. McDonalds!"

England pouted and stared at the bright neon-M that was mocking his pain, "B-but I hate that place! It's the principle of the thing! It doesn't matter if Alfred will never know, _I will know_."

Mexico had started a steady rhythm of beating his head against the passenger dashboard. He was hoping that if he lost enough brain cells, his intelligence would drop down to the Brit's level and talking to him wouldn't hurt so much anymore. After the forty-seventh hit, Alejandro gave up.

He was just too smart and Kirkland was too stupid for the plan to work.

Alejandro bit out through clenched teeth, "Look you English pile of shit and garbage, we have been driving around now for… forty-seven minutes. If you had just gone to the McDonald's sooner, we could already be with the twins by now! So just get your ass in gear and go there before I use one of my sewing needles to sew your mouth shut, puck your eyes out and DRIVE THERE MYSELF!"

England looked alarmed and finally-FINALLY thank you Mother Mary and all the Saints, there was going to be a HUGE offering at the next Mass—turned to go through the drive-through. The English man was muttering something about "rude Mexicans" and "that is NOT how you treat a sewing needle," but Mexico didn't care. Soon this little car trip from Hell would be over and he would be with Alfred again!

A grunt from the back caught the Mexican's attention and he turned to look at the other occupants of the vehicle. And paled as he counted how many of them there were. He slowly turned around and started contemplating what sin he committed to be so atrocious that he was stuck with _this_ as punishment.

He whimpered and sunk low in his seat as he prepared for the trip from Hell to continue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~SCENE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Canada couldn't help but once again wince—only on the inside though! By the God of all things Maple, he would become cool and cool people don't wince!—as he found himself in yet another absurd situation. Scotland, aka Allistor Kirkland, was standing before them wearing only a kilt (or so he claimed, but Matthew _really_didn't feel like challenging that claim) leaning against a majestic white horse with bagpipes in his arms and the annoying smirk on his face. Apparently, he felt no shame at all for propositioning them.

Canada just wished he could say that the only reason the Scottish man was that arrogant was due to the curse, but unfortunately this was not out of character for the man.

Seeing as how his companions were still speechless, Matthew saw his chance. An inner fire burst through his veins and he knew now was his chance to take center stage.

He stepped forward and dramatically flung out his arm, his voice carrying strong and sure in the cavern, "Oh, Scotland! What a fool you are! That is the most egotistical and absurd statement I have ever heard. How you would ever think THAT would get you anywhere is truly laughable. We four brave companions have travelled through Japan, China, Russia, and the Nordics. And none of them have stopped us. Our quest has remained pure and untainted. It is pitiful that you would think that with a simple line can undermine—"

His grand, cool speech was interrupted by Belarus tapping him on the shoulder. He turned to her in a slight daze—he had really gotten into his speech in an effort to make it sound more authoritative and cool—and looked at her questioningly. She quietly pointed towards Scotland (he had somehow managed to turn his body away from Scotland during his dramatic speech). He looked and his jaw hit the floor in disbelief.

There was his _wonderful_ twin brother happily sucking face with an enthusiastic Scotland.

Canada's vocal shrill hit new heights as he screeched out, "ALFRED!"

The fingernails-on-a-chalkboard pitch jerked the two lovebirds from their moment. America gave a sheepish grin and untangled himself from a disgruntled Scotland. Scotland made a rude gesture with his arms and snapped, "What the hell man? No need to be a fucking cockblock."

Canada just ignored the peeved Scottish man and looked at his brother with a look of reproach, "Come on Al! You know better! We can't do anything with any one because of the curse!"

Before America could respond to his brother's scold, Prussia piped up, "Yeah, but I can make out with him." Everyone turned to look at the albino with a single WTF look. He shrugged, "Just cause you guys can't bone doesn't mean I can't. Scotland's hot and because of all the chasing around we've been doing, I haven't had a chance to get laid in awhile and my poor five meters can't handle the long period of neglect. So how about it Allistor, want to see what it's like to have your vital regions seized by Europe's greatest love machine?"

Scotland yawned, "Sorry I am not interested in either venereal diseases or something so used that it is about to wither up and fall off."

Prussia was violently struck by the worlds and spiraled into a The Emo Corner to lick the wounds on his soul caused by the dagger sharp words.

Everyone ignored him.

Canada—slightly annoyed that his plan to get noticed hadn't been going as smoothly as he had hoped—decided to up the ante. He would make this Scottish blowhard pay attention and get some damn respect if it killed him. (Quietly he got his music player he had hidden in his hoodie ready.)

"I am Canada, one of the greatest Nations to ever exist."

(The music started with French trumpets swelling and bells twinkling.)

"I am the second-largest country in the world, and I have one of the largest economies in the world. My people have invented such things like the prosthetic hand, jetliners, IMAX, sonar, garbage bags, snowmobiles, and cardiac pacemakers."

(The male and female singers were in their groove now, chanting "Canada! My/Mon Canada!")

"I will kick your ass in ice hockey…"

(The female was now singing in French Canadian.)

"I will kick your ass in war…"

(The song hit its climax and began to wind down as Canada prepared his final statement to cap off his epic speech.)

"I am Canada, bitches. You better recognize!"

Panting, he focused back in the real world to see how his speech had been received.

America and Scotland were making out again only this time, America's shirt was gone.

God. Damn it.

"ALFRED!"

Once again, America was snapped out of his carnal trance. Once again he untangles himself, and began searching for his shirt. Finding it he shuffles his feet uncomfortably and starts saying, "Sorry, sorry. It's the accent. I really—it's just, sorry."

Scotland once again simply looked annoyed, "Yeah I know who you are boyo. But America here loves the accent and I don't plan on stopping."

All eyes on America, he just mumbles and says, "It's really persuasive…"

Canada throws his hands in the air, "How?! It is an accent for crying out loud!"

Scotland seems offended and replies with a haughty tone, "Oi! If Sean Connery can play both an Egyptian-turned-Spanish hildago AND a Soviet submarine captain with a Scottish accent and no one tries to make him stop, it is a fucking persuasive accent."

Belarus chose this moment to speak again, "Why haven't you tried to molest Canada yet?"

Scotland stretched, showing off his stomach muscles and making America's mouth water. He informed in a languid voice, "Ah, well, the Canadian does look very sweet and delicious, but the fact is that America here loves my accent. It is just easier for me to get him to spread his legs…"

The statement stopped Alfred cold. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and his body started to tremble as the feeling of hand-prints everywhere on his skin started to burn. Easy?! How dare they, is that why Russia t-tried… he, he wasn't—his stomach rolled and flipped and for a moment he thought he was going to throw up.

His vision went red. _How_dare_they think he was easy?! Is that why they thought to hurt HIS children? Forced themselves on him? He didn't want it, didn't want it, didn't want it, why do they say he wanted it why did they touch him he didn't want it! Why couldn't he fight them off?! Well, now he could he wouldn't let them, let them touch, wouldn't let them have what THEY WANTED NOT HIM!_

A fast, hard punch knocked Scotland into the wall, the force of the punch knocking him unconscious.

America was breathing hard and screaming, "I AM NOT EASY! I DON'T WANT IT AND IFYOUTHINKIDOYOUAREASTUPIDSH IT! CAUSEIDON'TANDIWILL_KILLYOU_FORSAYINGTHAT—"

Canada had his arms around his brother instantly and started rocking the trembling Nation back and forth. Words of nonsense spilled from Matthew's lips as he tried to calm his irate brother down. Finally the connection between the two was enough to stop the trembling. Canada slowly released his brother.

Prussia and Belarus looked frightened, their eyes darting between the prone Scotland and the twins.

America pulled away from his twin and started walking deeper into the cavern. He called back, "Come on, we need to go."

The other three followed behind America, a little uncertain around the incredibly strong and increasingly volatile Nation…

…before Belarus doubled back and snuck her number into Scotland's kilt. Hey, just because her heart was promised to her dear big brother didn't mean she was dead. She could appreciate a fine piece of ass and a good one night stand while she waits for her Mister Right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~IN~THE~ACTION~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

England let out a breath. The ordering had taken forever, but it was done and now he was ready to pay. The cheerful window attendant called out his sum, and he reached for his wallet…

Only to realize that he didn't have enough money on him. Fuck.

He turned to his passenger, "Ah, Alejandro, my dear chap… would you be willing to spot me for the bill? I will pay you back of course, it's just that I had to clean this outfit before I could wear it again and I forgot to refill my wallet once I was done cleaning it."

Mexico just gave him a look of absolute disgust before tossing up his hands and saying, "You know what? Fine, I just want to get out of this fucking drive-through!"

He reached in and handed Arthur a Visa credit card and Arthur turned to the young woman… who shook her head sadly and pointed to a sign that said "No credit/debit accepted."

"I'm sorry sir, we can't take those anymore. Too many people have given bad credit," she explained in a sorrowful voice.

England again turned to Mexico, who only looked at England with a "what do you want now look" on his face. England cleared his throat, and helplessly pointed to the sign. Mexico snorted, "What you think I have YOUR stupid currency on me? Or some Euros? That is really stupid."

England was turning red at the disrespect the Mexican was showing his beloved pound.

The Mexican continued in a sarcastic voice, "But hey, maybe they take _pesos_ here? You know something that has monetary value behind it."

That was it! The Mexican was going to die. Just as England opened his mouth to explode at the unrepentant pain-in-the-ass, the young woman spoke up again, "Uh sir? We really need you to pay now… you're holding up the line…"

The small comment took the wind out of England's sails and he gave a half-hearted wave, "Alright, alright just give us a second. Come on Alejandro… help me look on the floor for change."

After a few frustrating minutes of hunting, the pair managed to come up the last bit of needed change. They paid, grabbed their food, and zoomed out of the McDonalds.

England tried to take control again and addressed his army, "Alright you lot! We'll find a place to stop and eat, but after that I expect for you to do my bidding no complaints."

A general grumble of agreement went through the car.

England relaxed; things were starting to go his way.

From the back, a complaining mumble was heard once again trying to mention certain other benefits deserving to good union…men.

"GOD DAMN IT! YOU DON'T NEED A DENTAL PLAN, YOU'RE FUCKING BRITISH!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BREAK~FROM~THE~ATTEMPS~TO~UNIONIZE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The four were stopped in front of a large door, inscribed upon the top of the stone door were the words: For Only the Strong May Pass. Now, normally, attempting to get past such an obstacle would be no problem considering the United States of America was in their group and when it came to feats of strength there was no one more fit to do such things; however…

"No!" America crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. During their little walk, Prussia had thought it to be a good idea to tease America about his little… lapse in judgment with Scotland. Now, the American was in full-out pout mode and refused to move the door. It was maddening and Belarus was coming very close to pulling out her knives and carving up all of the idiot males around her to soothe the irritation they were causing her.

Prussia finally threw his hands up in the air and proclaimed, "Fine, be a whiny little bitch Al." He looked around and grabbed Canada, "We can just train up your younger brother to be as strong as you!"

The Canadian blinked and uttered a confused, "Train?"

Prussia turned the Canadian to face him and spoke in a deep, moving voice, "Birdie listen to me! You are that asshole's twin brother. That means somewhere deep, deep, so incredibly deep down inside you, you have the POWER! The power to be just as strong as him! All we need to do is train you up to that level of awesome like me!"

Canada's mouth opened and closed resembling a fish, "B-but Prussia—"

Prussia shook his hapless hostage and screamed, "NO! Don't doubt yourself Matthew, we CAN DO IT! Together." Prussia's eyes started to tear up (but if you asked the idiot he would probably just say it was manly tears or some bullshit) and he whispered, "All we need is a montage."

Belarus's face hit her palm and she groaned, "A _montage_? Really?"

Prussia ignored her and focused on Canada. He continued to whisper, "Come… we haven't a moment to lose! I've got my music player here, the music for the montage is already. Let's do this!"

As he dragged the bewildered Canadian away, Matthew tried once more to be heard, "But I'm already as strong as Al! I don't need training!"

Belarus got comfortable and prepared to be amused by the idiocy.

The montage began.

(The music started with a still confused Canadian looking at all the old school training equipment that had popped up out of nowhere. Then his hard-nosed Prussian coach came and gave him a push on to one of the machines.)

_Push it to the Limit!_

_Walk along the razor's edge_

(As Prussia had Canada start to workout, Belarus could only think that at least he had good taste in montage music, Scarface was a good movie and she liked this song…somewhat.)

_You've reached the top but still you got to learn_

_How to keep it_

(The Canadian was really sweating now. His coach was having him do sit-up after sit-up, before making him switch to punching some punching bags. Belarus had to lift an eyebrow at this, what good would boxing do Matthew?)

_So close now you're nearly at the brink_

_So, push it_

(Movement caught Belarus's eye and she saw America get up look at his brother—who was now running laps around a track while Prussia timed him and looked disappointed—before heading towards the doors. Belarus watched him a bit longer before returning her attention to the training idiots. Apparently, now was the point in the montage that Matthew was really starting to make progress if Prussia's face was any indication.)

_Push it to the limit_

_(The limit)_

_With no one left to stand in your way_

(And once again Matthew was doing sit-ups, only now with weights. His face was a study of iron will and focus, it seemed that the Canadian had finally given up on reality and lost himself to the World of the Montage. Here he was punching those bags faster and more precise. Next he was up and running with Prussia-coach looking very pleased at the timer.)

_Push it to the limit_

_(The limit)_

_(The limit)_

_(The limit)_

(Belarus nearly fell off her rock when she saw the last thing Canada do. Somehow _fucking stairs materialized out of thin air_ and now he was running up them. The montage was over.)

Prussia dropped to his knees in front of his disciple and with an emotional voice said, "I- I am proud of you Matthew. You really stepped up and took control of your destiny and your power. There is nothing more I can teach you."

Canada's eyes were just as watery as he replied, "C-coach, I couldn't have done it without you."

Prussia spoke, "Matthew."

Canada: "Coach!"

"MATTHEW!"

"COACH!"

"MATTHEW!"

Belarus was done with this shit. She walked over and hit both idiots on the head, snapping them out of their little love-fest. She scowled, "If you two idiots are done being little cry-babies, can we please go now? I would like to get out of this wretched country soon, thank you very much."

Canada stood up and wiped his nose and eyes. He sniffed and said, "Yeah no problem, I can move the door now. All of my hard-work and rigorous training will pay off when I move the door and not Al—"

Belarus cut him off, "Yeah… your brother already opened the door."

Both Prussia and Canada froze. Prussia stuttered out a quiet, "W-what?"

Belarus shrugged, "Yep, he did it during your little montage. Right around the early middle part of your little routine."

Canada exploded at the cavalier woman, "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER?! I AM SOAKED IN SWEAT FOR DOING TRAINING THAT I DIDN'T NEED TO DO SINCE I COULD ALREADY USE SIMILAR STRENGTH TO ALFRED AND HAVE BEEN GLARED AT AND YELLED AT BY GIL FOR THAT ENTIRE STUPID SONG!"

Belarus just gave him a dead-pan look, "It was funny watching you idiots run around and stuff. Why in the world would I put a stop to that?"

With that statement she walked over to the door leaving to statuesque Nations dumbstruck in her wake.

Finally Canada spoke up, "Wow… she really can be a huge bitch…"

Prussia just shook his head, "That's what I've been saying this entire time."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END~FOR~NOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow, this chapter was a long time coming, but hopefully it was pretty good? Make you laugh? Make you not want to kill me? Please and thank you! Also cyber cookies for the people who can guess what parody I based one of the scenes off of. Which is also not mine, I would like to make that clear!

CATGIRL963: Thanks for the well-wished in college. I use them to keep my heart warm. Terry Pratchet is awesome and I am glad you agree. We will see the army in the next chapter. But I think this chapter was fun and I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and reviewing, reading your reviews always makes me smile.

Much Love,

91REDROSES


	15. In Which England is a Dog

Chapter 14: In Which Mexico Exits the Stage and England Ain't Nothing But a Hound-dog

**Disclaimer: I do not own Elvis Presley or his songs, nor do I own Hetalia. I also don't own anything by Sheb Wooley. All intellectual properties except the substance of this story belong to someone else.**

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Prussia really wished the arguing would stop. The twins had been going back and forth now for, he checked his awesome Prussian watch, thirty-seven minutes and fifty-two seconds. Prussia understood that Birdie was pissed, hell HE was pissed. It's not easy pulling off a training montage people! It took a lot of work, (West's) money, and time—three things that Prussia hated to spend.

(Well, okay he didn't actually mind spending West's money, but usually he spent on something more for the greater good of Prussia than other people. Like that car he ordered on Ebay… man once this stupidity was over he was going to _love_ picking up hot, sexy bodies in that thing.)

The stomping of boots snapped him out of his car-and-sex filled daydreams as the soldier inside took charge. Calling out to the bored-out-of-her-mind-as-well Belarusian Bitch, Prussia snapped, "Hey Knife Bitch! You hear that? Sounds like a whole bunch of people wanting their asses kicked!"

Belarus calmly stood up, brushed off her dress, and slipped her hands up her dress, coming back with wicked blades held loosely but authoritatively. Daintily, she was a lady after all, she kicked the twin closest to her before, also daintily, saying, "Oi! Dumb-shits one and two! Shut your fucking mouths. We got bitches to kill."

The injured twin grumbled while the other one helped him up then they also tensed and waited. A good beating was just what they needed to work off their frustrations from this stupid curse shit.

Groaning filled the huge interior of the cave, bouncing off the walls and the stone door. The four heroes readied themselves for whatever was coming at them. But the encroaching army had stopped. In the tense seconds that followed the group looked among themselves until America stepped up and called out, "Yo! Whoever is out there! Come and take your ass-whooping like men! Putting it off won't make it easier on you!"

A chuckle was heard and their enemies appeared: England, wearing a red pirate outfit and a devious smirk, and Mexico, looking extremely annoyed, bored, and holding a wedding dress.

England made a grand sweeping motion with his arm, and his voice boomed into the cavern, "My dear twins, so good to see you again. You both look _ravishing_." The last word was said with such lust that America could feel not only the drool dripping from the word, but also felt like he had just been sexually assaulted. He shivered. He was going to need SO much therapy when this was done.

Canada—looking oddly pleased for some reason, America noted—said in a stern voice, "What do you want England? Al and I are in the middle of something and we don't have time to play right now. Why don't we schedule tea time and chat for some later date?" America gave his brother a look that said "Not bad, 8.5 out of 10 on the bad ass quip scale." Canada sent a smug look back.

England brought his hand up to his face and chuckled through the gloved hand. Slowly he dragged his hand back down revealing his face slowly and giving the impression of an Englishman gone mad. His smile was wide and fierce enough to frighten a shark, "Oh Matthew," he purred, "I'm afraid I have come for something a little more devious than afternoon tea."

A quiet grumble came from behind the pirate, "Glad you finally remembered his name. It only took you writing the name on your damn arm."

England glared at the innocent-looking Mexican before coughing into his fist and turning back to his no-longer-as-impressed-audience, "Now you two are on English soil. And I am in need of some cabin boys… and you two look like you would make a lovely pair. Prepare for some _impressment_ lads, for I will be boarding you both tonight!"

While Belarus and Prussia gagged at the bad pirate puns, and Canada muttered "He had to fucking write my name on _his arm?! What the fuck is wrong with people?!_" America stood proud, "England, England, England… we fought about this back in the War of 1812. And I beat you then, I will do it again!"

Canada coughed into his hand and said, "Actually Al you kind of lost that one."

America thought about and then shook his head, "Nope. No, no… I remember very distinctly winning that one… what with the battle of New Orleans and all."

It was England's turn to scoff, "THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS?! Oh, you mean the battle that happened after the war was ALREADY OVER?! THAT DOESN'T COUNT!"

America shrugged and scratched his nose, "What? What'd you'd say? Sorry, I can't hear you over the loud ass-kicking I gave to you at New Orleans."

England seemed ready to continue to argue over the issue before taking a deep breath and releasing it. Through clenched teeth he growled, "It doesn't matter. New Orleans doesn't count… ANYWAY! To more important matters, I have an army behind me ready to create chaos and wreak havoc. You will both turn yourselves over to me forthwith, and in return your trusty animal sidekicks will be unharmed. If not you shall watch them be pulled to bits!"

Prussia seemed confused. He raised his hand and asked, "The awesome me doesn't get what you are talking about. I left Gilbird behind with the bear dude and not awesome rabbit guy. So there aren't any animals here to harm… unless you mean Belarus. Though technically she is a Nation, I can see how you got confused."

Belarus rolled her eyes, huffing, "Oh fuck you Prussia."

Prussia just quipped back, "No thanks, I'm pretty sure that vag of yours is laden with jagged glass or something equally not awesome for my awesome five meters."

America seemed confused, "Wait… I've actually been thinking about that 'cause your guys' metric system makes no sense—unlike inches and feet which is the bomb—and isn't five meters, like, a lot. Like bigger than people so… how would all that fit in your pants?"

Canada again stared upwards in hope that either (a) some deity would send intelligence or common sense to his twin, preferably in the guise of lightening, or (b) some deity would strike Matthew down so the headache of his twin would go away. He really didn't care which at this point.

England, like whenever he had to spend any amount of time near America, blew up. His face turned red and he started screaming, "IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER! BOTH BELARUS AND PRUSSIA WILL BE TORN TO BITS BY MY ARMY UNLESS YOU SURRENDER SO JUST FUCKING SURRENDER SO I CAN GAG YOU AND RETAIN SOME OF MY BRAIN CELLS!"

America just blinked and muttered, "Dude, harsh much? Someone needs his PMS pills…"

Canada decided to take control of the situation before things got too ludicrous. He said in a clear voice that rang through the cavern like bells of freedom over a town that just recently threw off the yoke of oppression (or at least that is what he thought he sounded like, instead it came across as just a normal speaking voice that kind of reverberated across the walls but not really), "Arthur, my brother and I will not submit. We will win against your army and continue to seize the day and our fortune!"

Canada struck a mighty pose!

America tugged on his sweatshirt and whispered, "Mattie… why are we seizing the day and our fortune? That wasn't part of the plan. We were just gonna get the unicorn thing remember?"

Canada shot back, "Shut up, Al."

England struck his own mighty pose and shouted, "Very well! I call upon my army! Seize my twins and kill the rest! GO!"

Once again the groaning and stomping and shuffling progressed forwards as England's army came into the light. The four readied for battle. Sweat rolled down Prussia's face (in one single drop like in a cool action manga). Belarus narrowed her eyes into vicious, bloodthirsty slits—and then stopped because it impaired her sight and was stupid to do no matter how cool it looked. America and Canada tensed.

Finally the army was visible and the heroes looked upon their enemy.

Zombies. Pirate zombies. England had round up a huge group of Pirate Zombies.

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Elsewhere, a Monkey King and a little yellow bird got paid twenty bucks each from two annoyed animal spirit kings. Nanuq grumbled, "I could have sworn he would've use Hogwart's students…"

The bird just gave a haughty chirp at the evidence of Sore Loserdom and began to imagine all the bird seed and lady birds he would be able to attract with the favorable wager. Gilbird was going to be picking up chicks tonight!

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The four looked at the Pirate zombies, or Pimbies.

The newly dubbed Pimbies looked back.

This continued for about ten seconds. Then the four broke into large, slightly insane, grins.

America shouted, "Twins against Europeans!"

Belarus just sighed and picked up one of the backpacks with the huge (some sane soul would say ridiculous) amount of firearms inside it. Pulling out a nice sniper rifle, she looked over the bullet count in her hand (as her slightly insane grin grew just a tad wider) and said, "Fine. Normal wager? And normal count?"

Canada drew his own weapon, a grenade launcher, from his backpack o' goodies and grunted, "Sounds good to me."

Prussia already had his guns ready, but cast a sneer at the grenade launcher saying, "No grenade launchers. Too easy."

Canada did an epic pout but it was wasted on his currently bloodthirsty company so he put it back down and grabbed something else, muttering with all the dignity of a petulant teenager, "Fine. Spoil all my fun… stupid Prussians…"

England, having watched all this from a safe corner of the room, (because Mexico knew what was going to happen and had gotten them both out of the blast zone) only had time to stutter a confused, "W-what," before the killing began.

It was Prussia, Belarus, Canada, and America versus an army of hundreds of Pimbies.

The Pimbies never had a chance.

What commenced in the annihilation that lasted all of ten minutes at best was chaos that not even most wars could brag about. At worst? You don't even want to go there. After the ordeal, England would try to remember back to the epic battle and could only recall snips and snatches of sound and sight.

Canada tearing through a section of Pimbies causing a Pimbie arm to go flying through the air here, a leg over there. America cannon-balling into a cluster of the Pimbies and shooting everything that moved around him while crazed laughter flowed from his lips and an unholy light shone in blue eyes. Belarus taking one mighty leap over three Pimbies that had fallen over the body of their recently-reacquainted-with-death friends; shooting them and getting perfect headshots. For some reason, England to this day swears he heard her muttering, "Boom. Head shot." At one point, Prussia had picked up a grenade launcher and was firing into the now fleeing Pimbies. This caused Canada—dear, darling Canada who was usually so polite and well-mannered and soft-spoken!—to screech, "YOU SAID NO GRENADE LAUNCHERS YOU ASS! THAT'S AGAISNT THE RULES!" To which Belarus replied with a philosophical and deep, "There are no rules in hell, bitch!"

And then as quick as it began, the madness ended leaving England feeling all the more confused and disoriented as he tried to regain his mental footing. The losers were currently bitching at the winners, "The grenade launcher body count shouldn't count! Prussia called it off-limits in the beginning and then the hoser broke _his own rule_!"

Belarus, quietly gloating over her victory, shrugged and said, "Deal. You're just pissed you didn't think of it. Now you two are going to be cooking my favorite meals for two weeks after this so you better stock up."

America and Canada just groaned and gave up on the battle. The four turned their attention to a gibbering Englishman and an upset Mexican (somehow the bridal dress had become a victim to the carnage, leaving Alejandro very distraught at losing yet another chance to marry his Alfred). The four decided to, for once, leave dogs sleeping and quietly crept behind the gate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~TIME ~LAPSE~OCCURS~HERE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a good half hour after the four had left that England finally snapped out of his malaise. Mexico had long since given up kicking him and had left, stage right, to go and see if Monty or Randy could hook him up with yet another dress (hopefully at a good price and maybe this time he would try a fit and flare style, Alfred did have the right body for it). England looked around and wondered what he was to do. It was now no longer _just_ a matter of bedding the delectable twins—although that was still one huge, glowing neon sight of a goal—but also to get revenge for his humiliation. He'd brought his best out and they had been thoroughly demolished by those twats.

And to make matters worse, England had missed tea time.

And that was unforgivable.

SO! They had to suffer, no doubt, but how was the question of import. England needed a plan. He needed something so powerful that there would be nothing for his foes to do but weep as Spain did when he kicked the Armada's ass. England spent a few seconds reminiscing about the happy memories of crushed enemies weeping in little balls, before snapping out of it. He needed to focus and think. His biggest advantage was his magic, but he'd used it all when he'd brought his Pirate Zombie—like hell he would call it a Pimbie, he was British god damn it and he wouldn't speak like an American!—army back to life. It would take him a few days to get all his power back, and by then the twins would be long gone along with his chance at vengeance!

England brought his fist down hard… and then gave a mighty swear as one of the many little rocks that lined the bottom of the magical cave fought back.

Wait.

Magical cave. He was in a magical cave… oh… now this was something he could work with.

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The four came racing out of the gate. Belarus was screaming, "CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT!" just as the twins pushed the gates closed in the nick of time for something very large to loudly crash into the doors.

The four breathed a long sigh of relief. After a few moments of heavy breathing and the silent enjoyment that comes with _being alive after facing the cold hands of death_, Prussia gave a slight chuckle, "Well that was our biggest adventure yet."

America shook his head with a laugh and agreed, "You said it Gil! There were times in there that I thought for sure we weren't going to make it."

Canada smiled and hugged his twin. He said, "And you know… despite it being our greatest adventure, I think the true treasure came with what we learned about each other. I feel lot closer with all of you now."

Belarus nodded and said, "There are things in life, Matthew, that change a person and make them grow. We went in there thinking we knew everything, but instead life taught us that there are still things that even we can't defeat alone."

Matthew gave Belarus a shit-eating grin and quipped, "So it's Matthew now, eh Natalia?

Belarus's face turned a micro-shade of pale pink and she punched the Canadian in the arm. Turning away as he winced, she mumbled, "Well we have to be on first name basis after the fire-breathing dragon burned all our clothes and we had to hunt and make new ones while sharing a pair of pants and a hoodie between us."

Alfred laughed and was about to make a comment about how if they thought the fire-breathing dragon was bad than they should have seen the one-eyed-one-horned-flying-flying-purple-people-eater, when a delicate cough interrupted him.

England stepped into the light and said, "As _terribly_ fascinating as this little cuddle-fest is, I'm afraid that I must be terribly rude and interrupt. Please excuse my manners."

Prussia just grunted and began to walk towards the Englishman. He sneered, "Listen, _Artie_, we don't feel like kicking your ass right now, so why don't you run along? We just got done with some _actual_ bad-asses and don't have time fo—"

That was as far as Prussia got because in the next second, he was lifted up by a giant rock hand and smashed against the ceiling of the cavern. He gasped out blood from the impact and his vision swirled. The other three stared in confusion and dawning horror as they realized that England meant business.

A sucking sound and a scream rocked the cavern next, as Belarus and their bags with all their weapons were sucked into the ground. Belarus's head was the only thing remaining above ground. England wagged a finger at them and scolded, "Now, now… weapons aren't good for little children. You are lucky I'm here to take care of you."

Giant hands reached and tried to grab the twins, but they managed to dodge. England shook his head and sighed, "Matthew, Alfred, please make this easier on us all. You both will be caught. Don't make such a fuss and just accept it."

A hand managed to snag America's ankle but he quickly destroyed it and jumped out of the way of more stone hands. America snarled a fierce, "Never!"

This continued until it was clear that the twins were tiring before England was. Canada cursed as he tripped in his somersault and was completely captured by stone hands before he could escape. All hope now rested on America, but Matthew could tell his twin couldn't keep going much longer. There had to be something they could do. How did Arthur get all this power? Matthew frantically searched around and noticed that there appeared to be trails of magic leaving the cave and flowing into England. Magic… that was it! Use fire to fight fire!

Canada screamed, "AL! He's using magic from the cave! Pull some of it into you and fight back - It's the only way!"

England just snorted, "Matthew dear, your beautiful imbecile of a twin can't use magic. Just accept that I have won and you have lost and that you both will be mine!"

America just looked betrayed. "Mattie," he cried, "you know why I won't use my magic! It's SO STUPID!" He gave his twin a pleading look, but Matthew remained firm. They had too much to lose.

Canada went for the kill, "A hero must make sacrifices for the greater good Al. Aren't you a hero?"

Belarus and England stared at the Canadian. The blatant manipulation of the most sacred value that Alfred held dear so as to force him to do something? Genius! Prussia simply muttered, "Oh snap!"

America couldn't back down now. He had no choice! Mattie had pulled the Hero Card!

America sucked in a breath and hissed, "I hope you all understand what I'm about to do for you and appreciate it." Then he started to hum. As he hummed, the magic that was flowing to England cut off and began to go to him instead. America's eyes were turning from a bright blue, to a glowing blue. His entire body seemed to collect in golden light.

Everyone but Canada, who knew what to expect, was speechless at the spectacle.

Then: It happened.

America began to sing…

"_You ain't nothing but a hound dog_

_Cryin' all the time_

_You ain't nothing but a hound dog_

_Cryin' all the time_

_Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit_

_And you ain't no friend of mine!_"

Prussia, Belarus, and Canada were released from their bonds. Prussia and Belarus quickly stumbled over to Canada and looked at him with confused faces as America began to battle England with the power of The King and Rock 'n' Roll.

"_When they said, you was high classed_

_Well, that was a lie._

_When they said, you was high classed_

_Well, that was lie._

_Yeah, you ain't never caught a rabbit_

_And you ain't no friend of mine!"_

Canada began to explain, as England tried to fire bolts of magic at America only to have him smack them away and keep singing, "America's special power is his singing. On low levels, his magical singing attracts animals and has them help him with stuff like chores or—"

Prussia interrupted, "So he's a Disney Princess?"

Canada twitched and glared at Prussia. He ground out, "Yes, but don't you dare say that near him or he will get all pouty and shit and then _I WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT!_ I don't like dealing with that. If he gets pouty and shit because of you, I will hunt you down and force-feed you England's scones until you die. Do you understand?"

Prussia quickly nodded.

Canada snorted, "Good. Now, at higher levels, America's voice can alter reality. Basically make a musical happen anywhere he pleases with all the reality bending that comes with that like everyone knowing the lines, singing in tune, and dancing in perfect choreographed steps… but at this level? What he sings _BECOMES _reality. So when he says England is a hound dog…" Canada trailed off as the three turned to England. The Brit was convulsing on the floor. Light was surrounding him as America began to sing the final stanza of The King's song. As the last note rang, a bright light filled the cavern.

When the light was gone all that remained of England seemed to be his clothes. But then a twitching form could be seen and a small (and adorable) hound dog shuffled out of the clothes.

The four walked up and stared. Prussia leaned over and asked, "So… how long's this gonna last?"

America shrugged and said, "He should be back to normal in like, three to five days. Just depends."

Canada sighed and said, "We'll have to leave him with one of his brothers or something… wait. What is he doing?" The small hound dog had come up to Canada and looked at him before giving a happy bark…

… and then beginning to hump his leg frantically.

America cooed, "Ah! I think he likes you Mattie!"

Canada was not so charmed. "Fabulous," he growled, "I always dreamed about having my leg enthusiastically humped by my old caretaker-turned-dog. Truly my life is now complete."

America gave his brother an animated thumbs-up, "Glad your dream came true bro."

Canada gave his twin a long look before turning to Prussia and Belarus and saying, "Please just kill me now. Please."

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Okay it has been awhile but school and law school and life… all striving to keep me down! Well! Here is the next chapter and I do hope you liked it!

To the anons!

MOFALLE: I know so if Rocky gets a montage, so do the twins! And hugs for you loving Monty. He is super awesome. Thank you for reviewing!

CATGIRL963: So about updating soon… Well I am on break now so it will happen faster! And Mexico and England are really great together and I hope the Pimbies didn't disappoint! Wales will have a cameo soon, and yes, accents are sexy. I am glad you liked the chapter, thanks for reviewing!

AREOWAVE: Accents are so sexy, I completely understand America's problem. As for the Italian Stallions… you'll see! Thank you for taking the time to review!

LOL: He is getting a big hug right now! And he says, thanks for the hug and for the review!

SKYLAWILLIAMS-BC: Yes, the training was really fun to write. ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

MAPLE LEAF: I will keep writing, but it will be slow! Sorry! Hope it is worth the wait and I appreciate the love and encouragement!

GUEST: I am pleased to see that I made you laugh so much. It is a pleasure to know that my paltry attempts at humor are appreciated. Sorry about the long update, but hopefully the next one won't be so long, right? Thanks for sticking with me and for reviewing!

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL!

91REDROSES


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